La Bella Vida

January blues

2012-01-21T22:58:00.000-08:00

I'm feeling a bit of the blues lately. Not a "no-reason" blues. My blues are always typically due to something. Some thing or lack of some thing. Right now, I'm lacking financial freedom, and confidence in my abilities to manage my schoolwork. Because I am a full-time student and mom, living in a one income family, I have little extra money in my budget for "things". Bella ofcourse is our first priority and is always dressed to the nines and we make sure she has everything she needs, such as snowsuits, and fancy boots, and hair clips and healthy snacks. Yet me, I'm worse for wear lately. I have not bought myself anything since September (it feels like...I could be wrong). My hair needs some serious curl cream, or conditioner. And not the drugstore stuff that I've become accustomed to. I've become this living breathing budget monster, who will do everything in her power to avoid straying from the spreadsheet column alloted amount. Expensive curl cream doesn't make the cut unfortunately.

School on the other hand is a little out of control this semester. My study schedule requires me to read over 200 pages (of text readable only by an ant) a day, while also managing to make some pretty decent and semi-coherent philosophical or property law ramblings for our class discussions. When in the day will my two year old allow me to read 200 pages? During the one nap a day that she takes, which lately seems more of a hope than a reality? I'm also having a hard time even understanding what I'm reading. It's taxing on the brain. Especially when sometimes, I just want to watch the Bachelor. My only time to really get down and dirty with my books is at 8pm. Problem is, shows like the Bachelor call to me...I hear "watch me, watch me in all my mind numbing goodness and glory!". And that Ben, swoon!

In addition to not having curl cream and wasting study time watching crap tv, we've had some pretty dramatic things happen to us that have set us back a little financially. After going through the tumolt of unexpected events, I ended up applying for a job on Friday, and already have an interview. And therefore, I'm debating dropping one of my courses. Seems like the right decision right now. I don't want to go through another semester of power mom, power student, power employee minus power me. I kind of want to have a little bit of breathing room to do things for myself this semester. Like put make-up on for once and maybe lace up those runners for their actual alleged purpose.

Although this week has brought a ton of upset, today was pretty awesome. We received excellent news that made us have a lengthy family hug last night. Okay, that wasn't today but it set the scene for today. We woke up with a huge weight off of our shoulders. Victor let me sleep in even though he has a pretty bad cold. We then scored major deals at the grocery store, $109 for one week people! That includes cheese and toilet paper y'all! We typically spend at least $200 a week, so that was pretty sweet. Wow, that's about it and I just realized that grocery shopping was my major excitement for the day. But I'll take anything I can get at this point since my life has become neverending books and budgets.

Oh and Bella sang us a three minute song today while playing the piano. It was insanely cute. I intended to post it but want to shorten it a bit since it tends to go on and has me (cringe) singing and my mother-in-law rambling on about wanting to learn to play the accordion when she was younger, but her mother who had a lot of money apparently wouldn't let her. Whew, take a breath! Great times.

Hopefully the next post is a little less blue and complain-y.

A cautionary tale

2012-01-17T13:06:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I complain a lot. Or too much maybe. Today my complaint is that our place would be cleaner if it weren't for my husband. It's terrible, I know. But truthfully, that extra dish, that jacket on the chair, papers about terminal systems and collective agreements on the table, the shoes askew at the front door, the keys beside the key bowl? They wouldn't be there if it were just me and my girl. But then I think, but also, all those balanced meals wouldn't be made if it weren't for him. The garbage would remain inside rotting. That deep voice comforting me when I need it. Or just making me laugh at something silly like bum massages when I'm moodish. He sits now with Bella watching Toy Story (for the hundred billionth time) and feeding her a delicious rapini, tomato pasta made especially and with his sure hands. Laughing at the jokes in the movie when he could probably recite the movie in his sleep.

I've been talking to him about creating unneccary fears in Bella. Like now, when we go down to the parkade, she cries and wants to be held while we walk to the car. Victor has said to her in his deeper than deep voice "it's dangerous, the cars, so BE CAREFUL". Then upset when she starts running for the car. That loud "no!". And now, she's associated running in the parkade with the loud no of his voice. I get upset because I want that fearlessness to remain for as long as possible. And maybe because it's a quality I admire in people. Unsafe, yes. But beautiful? Yes. I want her to be cautionary, not scared of things. And so I tell her to listen for cars when we open the door to the parkade, then walk slowly. "Don't be afraid", I say.

I understand where he's coming from. Old school European roots of fear from birth. Don't go outside when it's dark, don't run, don't get too close, don't don't don't. But that's no fun in my opinion. So it's a battle of yes and no. Or to re-phrase: a balance of yes and no. Like my parents, one different from the other. Each teaching me right and wrong and all the gray in between. I'm a lover of that grayness, the uncertainty of things sometimes. And I know she needs to understand the world of safety and caution. And I can only hope that she chooses what is best for her. What she believes is okay to do.

I'm taking a legal philosophy course right now that is really making me think about the nature of humanity. The origin of the human condition. We are limitless beings, seeking our every desire. We see this in our children. But society teaches us control. And Victor and I are her society. So I need to let Victor teach her those don'ts, while I teach her that sometimes rules are okay to break. To reason. And be a reasonable person. And with the strength and flair of her personality, I think she's got it down already. With years to come of learning and growing, I can't wait to see her shine in her nature, and nurture.

Expand and Contract

2011-10-20T11:44:00.000-07:00

Well there you go. My last post was in July. Figures as much. I was thinking yesterday that my personal tagline should be "expand and contract" or "all or nothing". Seems absolutely appropriate in light of my posting neglect.

I have had a lot going on in the last couple of months. I had a full two weeks of intense in-class coursework, piles upon piles of readings, daycare pick-ups and days of "what-the-heck-are-B-and-I-going-to-do-all-day". Meanwhile I was asked to work three days a week on contract, to which I accepted. So here I am, finally with 5 assignments out of the way and a stack of reading to do (which may or may not be neglected today); I am ready for a "me" day. Do you like the use of that semi-colon? I do too, thanks.

I may or may not update my badly neglected ipod playlists and go for a run today. I really feel like my body needs it. My body feels like it's in the "expansion" phase of expand and contract. Victor and I incidentally quit eating wheat a week ago, and we feel excellent. More clear headed and less grumpy, that's for sure. But we've since replaced wheat with things like corn tortillas, potatoes and rice. I'm not feeling like it's good for the waistline. And may or may not be good for the bowel system if you know what I mean.

The most important thing going on is that Bella is turning TWO YEARS OLD in a week and a half! It's unbelievable. Where did those two years go? So cliche, but it seems like just yesterday, she was learning to lift her little head.

Yesterday, as we were sitting at the dinner table, I asked her "did you play with Denny today at daycare?" to which she replied "no, I no play boys". Shock! She shocks me with these full sentences and thoughts. And especially her anti-boy sentiment at only two...which I had to explain to her that she should always remember to be nice (but inside kept thinking, you go girl!). Not sure if the "be nice" mantra is such a good one anyways. Truthfully, this girl is maturing way too quickly and I wish I could slow it down in someway. But that's her pace, and I have to keep up!

So her halloween extravaganza will see her suited up, baby giraffe style:

I must say, my favourite part of the day is picking my little giraffe up from daycare and seeing her smiling face and wide open arms saying "mommy". And to match, our nightime routine is up there in the top two: reading those books under a cozy blanket and "Bo", her teddy in our arms. The point where I turn off the light and we sing our song together "aruru mi nina" in Spanish. The same song my mom used to sing to me as a child. Except I changed the lyrics from "if you don't go to sleep, a coyote will eat you" to "if you don't sleep, you'll eat a piece of corn". To avoid those nightmares...am I right?

Tawit Tawoo

2011-07-13T12:12:00.000-07:00

Oh me oh my oh. Here I am, posting from work for the first time. Typically, I don't even have time to say hello, let alone type out an entire blog post. But this summer, things are different. It's been about a week with much ado about nothing. I sit here thinking "can you spare a square?"...of work that is. And nada. So I tip-type away pretending to be busy when really I'm emailing a friend about that party on the weekend that was "off the hook" or "off the chain". I didn't really say that actually. I probably used the typical "ridiculous".

So anyways, as I sit here, checking my Aeroplan points and looking up my healthcare spending account balance, I wonder if I'm making the right decision to leave work. I've started fretting a little that we may not have enough money to pay a lease on an office space, and buy a copier, and pay for medical. This morning, Victor offered this "it costs about $6,000 a month to rent an office space on X street". WTH? Never even thought about it. The fact that I'm going to have to bring in about $10,000 a month to be comfortable? RIDICULOUS.

And so ofcourse, I'm not going to do anything about this worry but hope for the best. I mean, it's in two years time. And hopefully, when I'm off work, I can put together a stellar business plan that itemizes all these costs so nothing is a surprise.

And further to this having too much time on my hands to think, I've been getting on Victor's case a lot. Thinking of all the things that should get done, and actually saying "why the heck aren't they getting done?" Not good for the solid relationship front. Although, Victor takes it all in stride. He's a good man, my man.

And Bella, well I miss her much when I'm here with not much going on. When we could be at home together, or at the park or having a dance party in our kitchen.

Well, four hours down. Lunch time then another four to go. And only two more days of this until the weekend, hoorah!

Happy 134th Canada!

2011-07-02T15:11:00.000-07:00

What a Canada Day it was. We started off at the mall of all places, where I had to return a few things. As we strolled through right at the moment of stores opening, we walked by the Apple store where a crowd had gathered. I said aloud to Victor "why the heck is that store always so packed? I don't get it? I mean, how many people on any given day can be in the market for a laptop or ipod?" Then all of a sudden, we heard a deep voice singing Canada Day. We looked in and saw that all of the staff were standing at the front of the store, singing, while a bigger dude in the middle, was leading the pack with his beautiful voice. It felt weird. I guess the anti-consumerism rants proferred on me by my dad were coming out on me. And it wasn't only me, but a handful of people in the crowd were all laughing at the ridiculousness of it. I had a good laugh to myself.

So we went about our day and made our way to H&M where further rampant consumerism ensued. I kind of love rampant consumerism right now.

After coming home for nap time, we made our way downtown, to...well honestly, to eat. The skytrain ride was a bit stressful as B is now scared of the tunnels. So we had a screaming child on our hands, who at the each stop would say to me really sincerely "I'm done mommy". It was kind of cute (not the screaming part), and we figure she needs to ride the skytrain more often to get used to it.

So we walked around the convention centre and tried ALL the food (chinese, portuguese, french, french canadian, italian). It was good times and an expanding waistline of fun. We walked a ton more and finally made it back to the stage to watch the Grapes of Wrath play a few songs. Bella was a bit tired but showed us a couple of her dance moves in the middle of the crowd. For the most part though, she protected her Dora doll from other kids who tried to snatch it.

And so that's it for now. And the diet starts today :)

Tantrums, tough times and things

2011-06-25T16:26:00.000-07:00

Nooooooooooo mammy! NO!

That's what I've been hearing all week. It's been a symphony of no and throwing fits fit for a queen. Can't watch Dora? Screams. Don't want to eat more than two bites of toast? More screams with flying toast for further effect. I even heard the word "stupid" in the mix. And on top of it all? Her first real lie. After Victor put her to bed while I was out for dinner, B screamed "I poo poo daddy, DIAPER CHANGE". He went in to change her, and was met with a mischievous smile, and then a laugh when there was no poo to be found.

Excuse the poo talk by the way. It's just part and parcel.

We also had a few outings with screaming (and I'm talking, LOUD screaming to the point where an old lady had to cover her ears) just for fun. Like it's a game.

This whole business of testing the waters is trying on me. I'm not sure how to react. I'm a calm person, and like to use reason. But them rules don't apply anymore. The calmer I am, the more she tests my patience. The more I reason, the more unreasonable she is. And so I need to keep in mind that this is just a phase. And that we'll get through this. It's only when we're out of the house that things get really bad. So maybe we'll just stay in for the next year. But no, then she'll never know what is acceptable outside of the house and I'll have a tantrumy child on my hand for the rest of my life.

And the thing is, she's cute...and much of an angel. She's smart and advanced and sweet like candy. I love this little munchkin to the end of the world and back. So this phase? I can handle it. We just need to work together, become a team. Give her all the attention I can so we become a happy duo. I'll let her stop to pick flowers and not hurry her along so that we can make it to that birthday party on time.

And truthfully, she amazes me. I watch her with other kids and I see this young girl (no longer a baby) with as my uncle put it "enormous and exceptional self-possession". She's a leader, with immense confidence and a ridiculous sense of humour. And I want to encourage all of her amazing qualities more than anything.

Wearing an outfit picked out by none other than Queen B.

On another note, I've been on vacation for the past week and have never been so busy. After 6 months with no real vacation time, I booked myself solid with things that have been left off the list. I even got voted onto a board of directors. And am now slightly wondering why I get myself into things that take time out the things I really want/need to do in life. It always seems like a good idea at the time. Does anyone else do this? Do things they really don't want to do? I'm sure a lot of people do but sometimes I feel like my whole life involves a list of commitments. When in reality, all I really want to do is spend time with friends and my immediate family. And exercise ofcourse. In an ideal world, I would go for long walks and hikes with Bella and friends, shop and lunch, cook gourmet dinners with Victor and enjoy a glass of wine at night. And ofcourse, fit work in there somewhere. I guess we all need a good balance of things we want to do and things we have to do. But I tend to do things I don't have to do, but do anyways. Something to add to the list of "things I need to work on".

Tangent: Anyone else think "things" is a funny word? I do.

A Walk in the Park

2011-05-22T21:26:00.000-07:00

Hey...ho...I'm back. Whew, this past week was kind of a rough one. I worked too much overtime and got in an argument with HR, almost died of strep throat (overdramatic, yes but the ambulance was involved at one point) and received a hefty tax bill in the mail. I've been mad face since Friday but am dealing. And as my Norwegian aunt says in a deep slavic voice "stop your complaining!" (when speaking about Canadians in general at a lunch we had recently).

I decided to deal by going shopping and buying myself a pair of badly needed shorts to enjoy this beautiful weather that we all expected to have all weekend. Unfortunately, the only glimpse of said nice weather was this evening, when B and I decided to take to the streets:

This girl is all about enjoying every single moment of life, even when life puts things up your nose. I think I'm going to take a page from her book of life and not sweat the small stuff.

We also took B to the aquarium for the first time ever on Saturday. And I must say, this girl is more interested in playing and interacting with all the people rather than really caring about the big fish. And much more interested in her goldfish crackers than the beluga whale show. She has an agenda of her own and I truly love it.

Remembering Pixie

2011-05-13T21:04:00.000-07:00

I guess it's been ages since I updated y'all on life in casa Bella Vida. I had been so busy leading up to my grandma's memorial that I hadn't had a chance to post about it. It's now been a week since family gathered and remembered the life that was. It went off well, we chatted and nibbled and celebrated a fiercely independent woman's life. And here is the montage I put together to accompany the speeches (WARNING: I am posting this for Bella's sake when she's older...not sure it will be of any interest to anyone else):

The theme of all the speeches was that my grandma was unlike no other. She was a liberated, independent woman...a woman who "wasn't into mothering" but rather into living life to its fullest. She was a woman who never ran out of words in any situation. She was a man's woman...or should I say, she loved men and men loved her. Even in her care home, she preferred sitting with the men. She always said they were more interesting. And I remember the day she asked that I call her Pixie rather than grandma...not wanting to give away her age.

During the speeches, my brother kept walking in and out of the room, at times just poking his head in to say (loudly) "Linda, Victor wants to ask you something". Or "MA, can you come here?". Meanwhile, Victor was outside with Bella as she rapped on the window "Moooooommmy!!!". It's nice to be wanted but man, I just wanted to listen to the speeches. Overall though, it was great. You can't have a family gathering without some entertainment I guess.

Speaking of family, I feel badly for the mom dissing in my last post. She's actually quite an amazing woman but there are times where a daughter and her mother have issues, no? Can't always be perfect. C'est la vie and life goes on.

Now I better get back to vegging. It's been a tough week and Bella is mad ills. Like illa sick. She had popsicles for the first time today, which was fun. But that was the extent of fun. She's also been super snuggly which is the BEST thing in the world. Yet it's not because she wants to be, she's just too tired to squirm or squawk or push herself out of my arms.

That's it, I'm outtie. Ciao for now.

Missing easter bunnies, famous people and yikes, sometimes I dislike my mother

2011-04-25T22:37:00.000-07:00

This post is going to be a mish mash of thoughts and goings-on in the past few days, starting with the build-up to easter. Victor and I had this plan to dye real hard boiled eggs for easter to avoid a chocolate binge. Mainly due to the fact that we both have a bit of an issue when chocolate is around and Bella seems to be catching on and being a good little chocoholic in the making. So we boiled some eggs on Friday in anticipation for a dye and decoration job on Saturday. We ended up doing the egg paint/decoration in a mad dash in the morning, then went out looking for an easter bunny for Bella to feast her eyes on. We had planned to go to a breakfast with bunny at our local community centre but found out it was sold out and that the easter bunny apparently wasn't coming anyways. Bella being none the wiser spent time at the playground instead. And Bella pulled out something new from her bag of tricks, she can now climb up to the slide and slide down all by herself. I was in mom awe.

Then Victor and I had a fun conversation on Sunday, we listed all the famous people we've seen in our lives. I reminisced to back in the old days when I used to go out after 9pm (regularly that is). I met Judd Nelson at the Cambie of all places. Judd of the Breakfast Club fame. A friend of mine called him over and he put his hand out to each one of us and said "Nice to meet you, I'm Judd". I really wanted to tell him that I wanted to french kiss him when I was 10 but I'm sure he hears that kind of thing all the time.

I also saw Ice T once while walking with a friend down Seymour. He was standing near a tree, with one of those nylon stockings covering his hair. We noticed that there was a guy to the left of us taking a pee in full view of our leering eyes. Everyone was deer in headlights. My friend, who was very Italian catholic said out loud "santa maria madre de dios" and made the cross sign. Both guys laughed and asked where we were going that night to which we both replied "home". I wasn't entirely positive that it was Ice T but low and behold, we heard that he was in town filming a movie shortly thereafter.

I also saw Hayden Christensen and Joshua Jackson standing on a street corner in London. I had just come out of a shoe store and was walking down a residential street and saw them both before me. I had my camera and thought "why not?" and walked up to them and asked for a picture. I was a bit more ballsy back then. They were both super nice and shared in my enthusiasm about being from Vancouver. They laughed at the fact that I still had a point and shoot film camera. I think I might have left them feeling a bit embarrassed...not by my camera but by my annoying fan-ness.

There are a few others but I think I'll leave it at that. I'm sure you'll really be interested in that fact that I met Mariah Carey's now husband.

Victor's famous people list involved soccer players only so it's not much to relay here.

I wanted to get to the fact that easter dinner was the pits this year. My mom thought it would be funny to be rude to me in front of her friends. She may have even said something which could be translated to "ugh, this girl never cares about anything". She completely disregarded my demand that Bella not eat any more candy. She also ordered my dad around like he's a little pup. He could care less and just goes with it, being almost 66 and used to it after 35 years. I guess I can never show her this blog now since I'm being so blunt but really, she really gets under my super thick skin. Sometimes I want to divorce her from my life but I know how good she is with Bella for the most part. And she is a good person inside, 60% of the time.

I really hope that when Bella is in her thirties, that she will enjoy spending time with me. I plan on doing the complete opposite of what my mother did in raising me and hopefully this will make all the difference.

Smile when you go over the bumps

2011-04-21T22:45:00.000-07:00

I'm in the midst of creating a montage (or what my uncle keeps calling a "multimedia extravaganza") for my grandma's memorial. I've been scanning pictures and trying to find just the right music and transition sequence to make things just right. It's tough trying to capture someone's essence in pictures. But my grandma is a good subject because she was so true to her feelings and revealed a lot of herself in pictures, whether good or bad.

My grandma was a writer, painter and photographer without even realizing it. She was so talented but never really pursued her dreams until it was too late.

She always defined her career as the office manager at St. Mary's hospital in Sechelt. When I sat with her the day before her 93rd birthday, she grumbled about how the nursing home staff wanted to interview her regarding her life. She said "I really don't want to bore everyone". Or something to that effect. I ofcourse told her she was being ridiculous, but she just said "I worked at this very hospital...and I'm still here! How interesting is that?"

I can say with extreme certainty that her life was much more interesting than she let on.

Today, I came across this picture that she took:

She was an avid skier and grew up gliding down Hollyburn mountain. She skied until she was in her mid 70's if you can believe it. Her motto was "smile when you go over the bumps". Sort of a metaphor for life.

My grandma wasn't the kind of woman who loved to cook and clean. She was an adventurer. She travelled and met people from all over the world. She wanted to become a journalist when she was younger and was hired at the Vancouver Sun many years ago but turned it down after moving to Williams Lake to follow a man (an artist) she had fallen in love with (this being after she and my grandpa split up).

All her life is chronicled in a manuscript that sits in a trunk in our hallway. She attempted to have it published in her 80's, sending copies to editors and publishers...to no avail. I've yet to read it but have picked through many of her short stories, letters and various diaries that reveal a new layer on every page.

I am so proud to have had such a woman as a grandma and am so glad that she chronicled her life for me to see. Maybe not her intention but priceless nonetheless.

My grandpa and grandma. Speaking a thousand words.

Bummed

2011-04-20T19:51:00.000-07:00

My bum feels totally violated. And no, not in that sense. Now let me tell you why:

I was on a packed skytrain on my way home from work and this guy behind me kept pressing his bum up against mine. I kept trying to move forward but he would just move back further. So I start pushing against him and he wouldn't budge. It was like he was enjoying it! This all started just before Main St. station and mine. I really couldn't tell if he was doing it just because he was squished and couldn't move...so as soon as I was able to turn around (I had three massive guys - completely unrelated to the bum guy - standing in front of me...I was essentially blocked in!) and check, I did. And he turned and looked at me so it was super awkward. When I looked back, it clearly looked like he had enough room to at least lean forward to avoid the bum rub. By that time, it was already my stop and I got off. I felt like I should have said something but I felt like I had nothing concrete to say other than "stop touching your bum to mine!". I felt so violated by the whole exchange that I called Victor right away and told him I was going to shower when I got home! I shivered at the feeling of his bum against mine.

I guess, in our society, we are so used to having our personal space. And even on a packed skytrain, I think most people try their best to avoid completely invading someone else's space i.e. having the important body parts not touching. So it seemed completely obvious that this guy was really trying to invade my personal space and even violate it. I was totally bummed on the skytrain. And now I'm having a glass of wine in hope of that not ever happening again.

Victor, by the way, asked me if I want him to find this guy. Even though I was grossed out, I think it was innocuous enough to avoid my husband giving him the bum's rush :)

My favourite things:

2011-04-17T13:45:00.000-07:00

Dew drops on cocktails and tanqueray sippins'. Hmmm...as cheezy as that was, I'm attempting to express my newly recovered joy of actually going out on a Saturday night. I've been out for drinks two weekends in a row and I'm diggin' it. Last night was drinks at Chill Winston, with Biiiictor and a couple of friends. Last weekend was a well-needed girls night (even though an early one!) with Rawbean. I think Linda's getting her groove back.

Other favourite things? Let's bullet this:

Lazy sundays with good coffee and cute babies.
A husband that loves to cook and clean up the kitchen.
Brown paper packages tied up with string (I just had to because, well who doesn't?).
Warm sun on your back while you read a good book.
PVR'ed Bethenny, RHOC and Holmes Inspection.
Breakfasts with eggs and potatoes.
Walks to the park with crisp wind that settles.
Watching Bella clap and "yay" the loudest in Sunday gymnastics.

And finally? The fact that all my favourite things are for the most part intangible.

To-do list obsession

2011-04-11T12:44:00.000-07:00

I have to admit it. I'm an obsessive to-do list maker. I seem to have a to-do list a hundred pages long on a daily basis. I pepper my day with "I have to make sure I do this..." and "I better get this done today...". I write it all down in my day planner, on my blackberry, on receipts and scattered notebooks. It's "go for a run", "clean the bathroom", "read chapter 3 and finish two assignments", "order flowers for grandma's memorial", "get Bella's teary eye checked out", "buy milk". SEE? I'm so obsessed that I totally just to-do listed on my blog!

You know the truth behind my to-do lists? I never get anything done. I write it down to get it off my mind, then forget about it. My tasks go into the list abyss.

I'm not sure what I can do to fix this. Maybe I just need to do less rather than try to accomplish too much. Maybe I'll actually get things done if I stop loading up.

My mom has started taking a yoga and meditation class everyday and said to me "just breathe and slow down". Even though I rolled my eyes at that, I think that's going to be the first thing on my daily to-do list from now on.

Pig Roasts n' Cuddles

2011-04-03T07:50:00.001-07:00

The past few weeks have been those kind of weeks where you write a post and then save it to finish later. Resulting in a backlog of unfinished posts which I have decided to post post-humously (fun pun?). So here goes:

This past weekend, we went to a big pig roast party. And what came out of the whole thing is that I decided to quit eating meat...well, I mean the non pesca variety of meat. So formally, I'm embarking on a new eating adventure which is extremely exciting. And which may also result in a less expensive grocery bill!

But my real point about the pig roast is that day-by-day, Bella just amazes me. She is the happiest, most vibrant little babes. Ofcourse any mother would say that but I am really in awe of her personality beginning to shine. She spent a fair amount of the night in the middle of a huddle of adults and became the entertainment. She danced for us, sang for us, did a lot of "how big is Bella" and pretended to make tortillas (my mom can take credit for that one), which everyone got a kick out of.

Here she is gettin' super jiggy with it:

This mothering thing just gets better and better every day. And I'm not even complaining about being woken up at 6:30 EVERYDAY OF MY LIFE FOR THE NEXT I DON'T KNOW HOW MANY YEARS.

Truthfully, I would give up any amount of sleeping in for even just a day spent with Bella. Even though I caps'ed that sentence above, it's really not that bad.

Today, I woke up to hear B singing in her crib. I picked her up and we cuddled on the couch for a bit. And something about it just made me feel so darn happy. Cuddles tend to do that.

Back in time

2011-03-31T22:18:00.000-07:00

I feel like time is moving like a G6. Or flying like a G6. I can't keep up these days. There's this guy that I sit close to at work who is probably, let's say, 22. He listens to music while he works and we make jokes that he's listening to Jay-Z. And I think, isn't Jay-Z for the old folks like me? I think nowadays, Far East Movements, and whipping your hair back and forth are way cooler. I could be wrong on that last one.

So I'm attempting to study after putting the banana to bed. But by the time I'm ready to sit down and crack open the books, it's already 9:30 and I'd rather be sleeping. This has become my life as of late. This makes me want to turn the clocks back to those days when I would come home from work and eat a quick bite to race to get ready to go out, all fresh and new. You know that feeling when you were on top of the world? Young and spry and full of life? I listened to a friend of mine describe her most recent Saturday night where she hung out at a music studio, drank wine and sang music with boys and guitars. The night unfolded to drunk friends and ridiculousness. I told her I felt like an outsider listening to her story, like "tell me more" with my face pressed up against the glass. Those days are so shiny in my mind. Big hoop earrings and ridiculous nights with wine.

Can you see up my nose?

I can't imagine going back there...back in time. Or maybe I can. I think that maybe I would appreciate it more. Back then, I used to wonder if there was "more to life than this", those late nights, dancing, dressing to impress. And there certainly was. There most definitely was more to that. There is being a mom and using every last corner and curve of your heart to love that little being that laughs and giggles at the stupid things you do.

But I still wish that once in a while, Victor and I could get out and drink some wine and enjoy each other out of the confines of our four walls x 2. Thing is, I find it so hard to make the effort. And not just with Victor but even any late night event with friends just seems too much. And then I fear the hangover the next day...that lazy, dull feeling. How can I ever make B laugh or clean up that last thrown spaghetti strand off the floor with patience if I have a pounding headache? It's tough, this mom thing. Worn out from work and wanting to unwind yet unwinding means laying on the couch for a measly five minutes before cracking open a book or emptying the dishwasher. Most times, unwinding means singing and signing itsy bitsy spider and head and shoulders, knees and toes.

I know that other parents do it - have nights out once a week or some crazy thing like that. I just can't see how. But I wish for the desire to just do it. And I wish I may, I wish I might.

Sour face

2011-03-15T21:08:00.000-07:00

Victor just introduced me to a Chinese remedy, given to him by his new friend. It's a bitter tea that has left me with sour face for the last hour. I can't get rid of sour face. My forehead is in a constant state of furrowing. I tried shaking it off in front of the mirror but it's still there.

Anyways, I don't know what the tea is called, but I'm going to nickname it "bile". Apparently, it increases energy, improves your mood and cleans out your system. And even though I was sceptical, I totally feel it. And I only drank a half a mug full. I might get hooked, but only if it doesn't cause forehead wrinkles from all the furrowing.

So in completely unrelated news, Bella is in love with earrings. See example here:

My little gypsy

Anytime she sees anything resembling an earring, she puts them up to her ears and cries for me to put them on. She's 16 months going on 16 years.

I got my ears pierced when I was right out of the womb. And I think I must have moved while they were getting done because one hole is lower than the other...so much so that there's really no lobe to hold earrings on my right ear. So I think I'm going to wait to get B's ears pierced. I want to make sure she's ready and willing before we take that step. Definitely to avoid lop-sided earring holes.

So as you can tell, this was a post to "just post". I have limited material today.

Accepting acceptance, big life changes and coffee shop pick-up lines

2011-03-13T22:01:00.000-07:00

As you can tell by the above title, I was accepted!!! I realize after writing this that I never really divulged what I was applying for or for that matter, what I was hoping to be accepted to. So here goes: I was accepted to a master's program that I have been living and breathing and eating and sleeping. I have been immersed in a crazy amount of desire, buckets of it actually, a desire to be accepted into this program that I believe will change my life. And two days after my interview, I was told that I'm in! Immediately I was insanely elated. I was at work when I found out and all I could do was sit at my desk and smile. For 3 hours. I texted Victor and emailed a couple of friends. Then just sat there for 3 hours working away and not being able to concentrate.

Then you know what I did when I got home? I started to let doubt seep in again. I started to think "do I really want this?" "Maybe this isn't actually what I want to do." Then "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?" Typical me, after receiving good news, I celebrate first for a short while, then start to doubt with a smidge of fear. Funny being I am. But I've reconciled with myself and everything is good. I'm still a little fearful because I have a couple of difficult years ahead of me, but all in all, I'm in a happy place.

With this news comes some big decisions as well. The master's program requires me to devote 40 - 60 hours a week to my schoolwork. So that's like 40 - 60 hours on top of having a full-time toddler and job. It's tough to even imagine how I will cope...so Victor and I are thinking of some ways to manage this. And we'll leave this discussion for later.

So amidst the good news and celebration, we also won $75 on a lottery ticket on Saturday! Which was super well-timed because we had planned on going on a little road trip over the weekend. We drove up towards Whistler and stopped in Squamish. Had coffee and met a super cute couple with a baby. It was strange, because we talked for only a little while and I realized we had a lot in common. Then, Victor, B and I went back to the car...and I said out loud "I should have given them my number or facebook or something". And Victor said, "why don't you?". So I kind of boldly walked back in and gave them my facebook "handle" and email address. I totally just picked up a couple in a Starbucks. It definitely felt like I was asking them out on a date. But they seemed cool with it. I mean, they could have "wtf"-ed to each other after I left, and I may never hear from them again. But c'est la vie no?

And now I'm going to get ready for bed...10pm that feels like 9pm but really feels like 11pm to me. Good night!

As you shoot through the sk-y-y!

2011-03-07T16:54:00.000-08:00

After my interview, I went for lunch with a friend and was ECSTATIC. I felt relieved, proud and giddy at the same time. I felt like I really nailed it. Then doubt started to set in. We went shopping at H&M and all I could think was "why didn't I say this?" or "why did I say that?" as I flicked through racks of flowy dresses. Then my mom called and asked if I asked them what they thought my chances are. NO. I didn't. That would have been a great question to expand on and respond to any concerns they had. I hate the aftermath of interviews. All you can think of is how you could have done better.

Despite this, I think the interview went well...I felt like I was on my game. For the most part.

And so while I drove home, I decided to play the crystal ball radio game. It's silly but I'll ask a question in my head, and turn the radio to a random station. I'm sure you can guess what I asked. And you know what I got? Katy Perry's "Fireworks" verse: "As you shoot across the sky...baby you're a firework...come on let your colours burst...".That put a smile on my face...because all in all, I'm pretty sure I really was on fire.

And so now I wait for 2 months to find out if they chose me out of THREE HUNDRED applicants. Yikes, now I'm more nervous than I was before the interview.

BUT the cutest thing of all? Was when I was trying on my suit for the interview and Bella looked at me and said "spicy!!!".

Where ya been?

2011-03-05T20:25:00.000-08:00

Hola amigos! I've been keeping a low profile lately...and mainly just working and working and a little more working. Which has left me pooper scooped by the end of the day.

Do you ever feel an aversion to your computer when you get home? I do. The last thing I want to do is sit down and write when I spend most of my day doing the same. But I love this blogging game and I need to commit.

So anyways, I guess since I last posted, I've aged two months. And so has my little bean burrito. She's now of the jumping variety as well since I enrolled her in gymnastics! What fun! Although, I spend most of the time sweating from chasing her around the gym. While the other toddlers sit and listen to the teacher, B is making a b-line to the trampoline...or the balancing beam...or the BALL PIT. Caps necessary because apparently it's the most exciting thing since sliced bread. The good thing is that I get a bit of a workout on those early Sunday morning classes.

And so back to me. I have an extremely important interview on Monday. One that will determine my future for the next couple of years. And all I can do is bite my nails. I had planned that this weekend would be all about prepping for my interview. But so far, I've cleaned the apartment, bought groceries and helped my mom get back into her place after Bella dropped her keys down an elevator shaft! And now I'm totally exhausted and ready for bed at 8:16pm on a Saturday night.

Oh also, I saw the movie "Just Go with It" last night and loooved it. I could have been easy to please as I was tired and brain dead. But it was a good light-hearted and funny (yet completely unrealistic) movie. Adam Sandler at his best with just ridiculous (but not overly cheesy) slap stick humour.

The movie date all started after V and I had made chicken and corn tortilla fajitas. My mom was over as she was locked out of her place. We thought it was the perfect opportunity to get out together. So we picked a movie randomly and drove out to Riverport theatre in Richmond. When we got there, we were both so tired and thought (aloud) that maybe we should just get popcorn and play some video games. But the popcorn just didn't feel right without a movie in front of us. Hence the reason why we ended up buying tickets. The movie ended at 11:40! It was a late nite at casa nostra to say the least. And now I'm posting when I really should be in bed, to make sure I get my rest for the big day on Monday.

So buenas noches!

Complaints Department

2011-01-10T19:48:00.000-08:00

So I must have some sort of magnetic ability to induce seizures or something. Last Friday, I was on the skytrain tired and annoyed about my morning commute when the passenger beside me started leaning into me. Then she started convulsing. On me.

After helping her sit down and pressing the yellow emergency strip, it came to me that that's two seizure incidents in a matter of two weeks. I think some people go their whole lives without witnessing a seizure. Crazy.

Then the weekend was a mess of me lying on the couch wishing I didn't have BRONCHITIS. That's right bronchi-kill-me-now-tis. And Bella either gave it to me or I gave it to the poor girl. I feel like a sick magnet (seizure magnet...everything horrible magnet).

And to top it all off, my brazilian blowout didn't turn out like I had hoped. My under hair (I don't know what to call it but anyone who has curly hair would understand) is super nice with defined curls, but my top hair is stringy and frizzy. And I kind of look like Larry of Larry, Curly and Moe. OR Krusty the Klown. So the outlook is not good on the growing it out front as I may need to cut it short to survive this haircut.

Further complaints:
I don't have enough clothes (that fit) to last me a full work week.
I can feel a pimple coming through on my top lip.
I just scrubbed the floors yesterday and they're dirty again.
I can't stop this nasty hacking cough.

On the brightside:
It's payday week.
Bella is getting better.
Christmas gift cards!
My throat's not sore anymore.
Kettle corn!

Seizures, Cooped Up Inside and Bump-It's

2011-01-02T23:30:00.000-08:00

I haven't posted in a while, mainly due to Christmas and New Year's and all things festivous.

A lot has happened in the last few weeks. We even had a mad rush to the children's emergency ward as Bellita had a febrile seizure which scared me senseless. Then a fever, then a rash. It's funny how life is, perfectly healthy one second and then all of a sudden, BAM! SEIZURE, FEVER, RASH. Out of nowhere.

We've had to stay in for the last few days because of her fever. So now I'm feeling like a caged animal. Just seeing the sun hit the roof tops outside my window is enough to make-a-me-crazy. I think I might take B out today despite doctor's orders.

I also had my hair done yesterday and need to show it off. You can't get your hair done and then stay inside. The world needs to see it, no?

The "gettin' my hair did" experience was very funny. From start to finish the story is quite funny from all aspects. You see, I had been wanting to get a Brazilian Blowout for a while but couldn't justify spending $300 on my hair. So I was excited to see a Brazilian Blowout special on LivingSocial (a local company that sends you daily offers/sales/coupons via email) for $150. I finally made it to the salon (they were booked for weeks) and the experience was AWESOME. I walked into a Jersey Shore episode. The girl that did my hair was 18 years old, tanned in January, had a bump it (I SWEAR) in her hair, and fake nails that were sparkly and long. I was a little worried in the beginning but she knew her stuff. And assured me that the Blowout isn't as bad chemically as it used to be...they used a keratin solution and required no masks or anything. It was simply pure protein applied to my hair, then blow dried and ironed out.

I was in the salon for 3 hours and got to witness a loud silver-haired beefy Italian guy go in for a 20 minute tan (they also have tanning). To add to the entertainment, the girl doing my hair divulged that she had the "hots" for one of the clients...who came in shortly. I had to sit right beside the guy as they flirted. Well not really flirted, but I could feel the sexual tension. They actually didn't talk directly but talked through the other stylist (who had told him that my stylist thought he was hot). Wow, I feel like I'm in high school after writing that sentence. Was totally uncomfortable yet hilarious to witness. And in the end of all this delicious entertainment, I ended up paying another $150 dollars (expecting to pay only $65 for products) due to the length of my hair, taxes and additional product that I decided to buy. So in total, it added up to the $300 I would've paid at another salon. But without the added entertainment. It was so good, that the RHNJ marathon didn't seem as interesting when I got home.

And so we'll see how my hair looks in three days, after I get to finally wash it and see how the curl turns out.

Not much of a reflective New Year's post...and there was not much going on on New Year's Eve to tell a tale of. We spent the night with a sick little princess, ate lobster, crab and shrimp for dinner, tried putting the bean to bet at 8:30 but she partied until almost 11pm. We were exhausted after that and decided to just clean-up and go to bed by 11:30. We were still awake at 12 and gave each other a New Year's Eve kiss, said "Happy New Year" and then quickly fell asleep.

And Christmas melted my heart with Bella walking around and dancing, entertaining the crowd:

Happy New Year to you! And to all a good night!

My Christmas Wish List for 2011

2010-12-21T21:17:00.000-08:00

Now that I've already received all my Christmas gifts, I thought I should write a list of things that I would love to have next year...not necessarily for Christmas but just randomly throughout the year please. And I'm looking at you, universe.

1. A family trip to a beachy place. The more sand and all-inclusiveness, the better. And if only for 3 or 4 days, that's fine with me.

2. Acceptance to a certain society, within a program at a certain school. Please oh please and a little more vagueness. This should probably be number one but let's do this in order of most recent to later in the year.

3. A smaller waistline and smaller head circumference (I swear my head gets huge as I gain weight). I need to work hard at this one so what I'm really asking for is the motivation and ability to advance plan my time at the gym. Oh and that 60% eating clean thing...I need to get on that.

4. Baby music and dance classes for my baby lady gaga. I'm not a Gaga fan by any means (although I do remember secretly cleaning the house to Just Dance when it first came out)...but she's a good reference for singing and dancing with attitude, like my little monkey pants.

5. More time to spend with Bella. I wish I could have at least an extra day a week to spend with her. Or at least be able to work normal days (meaning: no overtime). And no, Universe, I do not mean I want to lose my job. I want to keep my current job but have more time to spend with Belly.

6. To be able to provide Bella with the best and most exciting experiences throughout the year (i.e.- sledding, Christmas lights in Stanley Park, gymboree (not), watching mommy cross the Sun Run finish line (that might not be exciting for her...more so for me), lots and lots of swimming at the aquatic centre, beachy vacation mentioned above...etc.).

7. The diligence to be frugal and save every extra penny we come across. And hopefully we run into a bit of money to help with the growth of our savings and/or payment of those damn student loans that never seem to go away!

8. A new wardrobe including two new pairs of pants, one new skirt, one dress and...um...three pairs of boots. Oh and tops! I need more tops. 5 is a good number. And lots and lots of cute baby clothes.

This list is getting ridiculous. And I got too lazy to search for pictures for those last few. And 6 and 7 totally contradict each other. So I'll leave it at that.

PLEASE Universe - #2 especially.

Thank you, Gracias, Obligado, Danke, Domo Arigato

PS - I think I need more sleep too (let's add this as #9).

On the 18th day of Christmas...

2010-12-18T13:06:00.000-08:00

My true love gave to me - all my gifts before Christmas Day. Yep, all my Christmas gifts have been given to me sporadically and spontaneously throughout this month. I've received a flat iron in a plastic bag, a travel mug while at Starbucks (surprise!), and a gift card while at the store we were shopping in. Victor has little capacity to keep things under wraps until Christmas Day. And unfortunately, I'm the same way.

So how do you think, between the two of us, we're going to keep Christmas gifts a secret from Bella until the big day? We both love to witness the look on people's face when you give them a gift. We just simply can't wait weeks upon weeks. And how are we going to give someone else (Santa) credit for those gifts when it comes time to introduce the Santa tale? Major dilemmas ahead.

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And so, I've been working towards changing my career and things are going well. This is the reason why I've been out of the blog world for a while. I still have a couple of hoops to jump through but I'm remaining optimistic. I think life moves in the way you want it to if you put all your energy into it. I dream about this change in my life, I eat it and drink it every day. It's a big deal for me and even if I have moments of doubt, I remain optimistic. I think that's the key to life - if only I could be like this in every area of my life!

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And back to Christmas, HOLY JINGLE BALLS, we have spent a truckload of $$$ on Christmas this year. It's OUTTA CONTROL. Excuse the CAPS but I need to emphasize the magnitude of the expense. Does it not seem like everything costs so much nowadays? Everything adds up so quickly and without realizing it, you've spent your budgeted amount. And then decide to go over a tad. And then another tad because your Uncle Jim, or Cousin Fred will feel left out if you don't buy him that useless sweater on sale for $19.99. Oh and ofcourse Bella can't live without those stacking cups which are only $7.99.

For a while there, I was acting like December is a write-off. Like what you spend in December doesn't really count because "it's Christmas". But then it hit me that I'm delusional. And we'll leave it at that. Next year, I promise myself that the Christmas budget will be my bible.

Daycare gossip

2010-11-30T20:48:00.000-08:00

One more thing...today, while Victor opened the door at the daycare, Maya, one of Bella's little daycare buddies (who is much much older), said to Victor "You know that Bella just has to touch everything around here". I guess she decided to "tell" on Bella thinking that we would get mad at her. Victor found it pretty amusing. I didn't.

But I do find this amusing:

mmmm....cat tail.

crackalackin'

2010-11-30T20:31:00.000-08:00

So you'll never guess what happened this weekend. We went to Sechelt on Saturday to clean out the rest of my grandma's storage unit (shock!). No that's not the surprise. It's coming. We dumped and donated the rest of her stuff, minus all the sentimental doodads like writing, letters, and handmade things. Habitat for Humanity received a pretty good score when it comes to furniture. My grandma was a crafty woman and even built her own kitchen chairs, among other things like two houses* (all by herself)!

With the help of my grandma's friends, we finally got the storage cleaned out and were on our way back to Vancouver on the 4:30pm ferry. Banana Boat baby had a good time running on the ferry and I had a *great* time running after her. We made it home in good time and I thought to myself "what a good day...but it's not over yet" as we still had to unpack the car, feed and put B to bed and clean up since we left our place a mess after a week of work. I got out of the car, opened the back door and leaned in to take Bella out of her carseat. Then CRACK. MY BACK. All of a sudden it felt like someone stabbed a knife in my back, but no. It was just these creaky old bones of mine. I stood there in tears, completely immobile for fear of moving and making it worse. Victor's eyes were as wide as saucers and wanted to take me to Emergency. I told him I was okay (I wasn't) and told him to bring all of our stuff upstairs while I waited with Bella. Bella didn't like the idea of me just standing there while she struggled with the carseat straps. And I couldn't do anything! Not even calm her down. I just stood there. She thought I was super weird and continued to struggle until Victor came running out.

The rest of the night involved more tears, tiger balm, heating pads, advil (wishing it was Tylenol 3's) and sweet sweet massages. (love you Victor). The next day, I felt better but still had a sore shoulder muscle. Then Monday came. I took B to daycare in her stroller. Lifted her up, brought her inside. Then picked up her stroller to drop it off under the back patio. CRACKALACKIN**. Tears. Hysterics actually. Another knife to the back. So I sidled home and called work to say I couldn't make it. I could barely breathe and was getting a little worried for myself. But I made it home and called a massage therapist across the street from my place (at 7:30 in the morning, and she answered!). I got an appointment for that day and dear Hesus, I feel a thousand times better today because of it. I'm still stiff and could use my shoulders as ear muffs because they are so tense, but much better than the knife in the back situation on Saturday and Monday.

So that was my weekend in a nutshell. Bet ya can't top that.

* The two houses for which I have the plans (blueprints...are they called this anymore?) for if Victor and I ever decide to build an A-frame in our spare time on our Never Never Land fantasy island.

** did you know that "Crackalackin'" means "How are you doing?" in urban dialect? Did you also know that "ballin'" means someone who has money? Do you like my nerdy tone while writing this? I have a couple of friends who are in their mid twenties and actually use these terms. Who knew?

Things are good

2010-11-24T18:01:00.000-08:00

My melancholy mood has lifted and I'm feeling super good lately. I think it's for these reasons:

I've been able to do a bit of shopping and it feels so good to put on my new clothes (that fit me properly)
The daycare drop-off has become easier - Bella no longer cries nor does she feel the need to carry around her blanket (which all the other kids, including her, were tripping over)
Work has been smooth. Despite some stressful days last week, it's been pretty stellar. Work life balance, check!
Victor's making pork and clams, my favourite out of his repertoire of recipes
My boobs are getting a little smaller (boob shrinkage is a good thing in Linda-land)
Snowy days
My mom for rushing in to help whenever I need it

That's about it for now. In other news, I thought I saw Justin Bieber on the bus today but realized he's probably not ever going to ride the Victoria bus, and then realized further that all 12 year old boys now look like Justin Bieber.

Crazy Cat Lady

2010-11-15T22:12:00.000-08:00

Hi, me again. I'm feeling much better today. After being back at work today, I realized that work really isn't that stressful if you "just breathe" (with inhaler in hand). Friday was just an overwhelming day but I got a lot of work done in order to meet a deadline...with all the robot-like work out of the way (Friday's to do list), I was able to get quite a bit of writing done today and felt good about it. I feel like I'm approaching my job with fresh eyes and my writing is less stale than it used to be...I feel a little more jazzy (*jazz hands* to no one in particular). And who knows, I may get edited down to stale city but at least I tried to liven things up!

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So the at home life is lively as usual...meet my crazy cat lady in the making:

No matter where Lola is hiding, Bella will find her and fall head first into her. The reason? Because Lola will lick her head and pat it lightly. See below for the crazy pair:

I can't get enough of it. Check out that little tongue!

And for the first time in my life, I'm prepared over a month in advance for a holiday (vs. the day before). We bought a cute little Charlie Brown Christmas tree (a little bigger than our hand-sized tree that I put up and decorate every year) and Bella got to put on (and then quickly take off) the first few ornaments.

Discoball on.

Discoball off. It went on like this for the next half hour. And Lola joined in thank goodness, because we needed more ball offingness (not a word? well it should be).

That's it for news from the homefront.

Jerk Store

2010-11-13T09:47:00.000-08:00

I feel like a total jerk for being so down on Remembrance Day in my last post. I think I just like to be a contrarian sometimes and Victor kept asking me why I didn't want to be "thankful" by watching boring war movies. And so I protested which resulted in my post.

Anyways, we were in Sechelt cleaning out my grandma's storage unit (visit #2), and at 11, decided to go to the Remembrance Day gathering downtown. It was a somber day and I felt the gratitude of the crowd. Amongst the gratitude, I was on crack for not being cognizant of the sacrifices made for our "freedom". Although sceptical of that word (hence the quotes), I totally get it.

I also had a not so good day at work yesterday. I felt completely lost in my work and didn't even take a lunch break - worked straight through 8.5 hours on maybe 5 hours sleep total. I was a complete mess to say the least and had a breakdown after work. A minor breakdown but a breakdown nonetheless. Thanks to Victor and my mom, I'm feeling much better now. The first three days of work went well and felt good actually, but that fourth day was a killer. And I've been told that it's going to take some adjustment and some breakdowns before I feel completely confident in the fact that I know what I'm doing (work-wise, and for that matter, mom-wise, wife-wise and friend-wise).

Sorry about the intense posts - I'm just going through a weird time right now!

How many Ferrero Rocher's can I eat in 10 minutes?

2010-11-10T22:40:00.000-08:00

I guess since tomorrow is Remembrance Day, I should be doing things a little more retrospective than having a chocolate eating competition with myself. But I am and so there.

Victor keeps asking me to watch these war movies on tv to which I say "no thanks" very matter-of-factly. It's not that I don't respect what was done for us but I guess growing up with uber-liberal (meaning: communist), anti-war parents has, in the past, led me to non-chalantly shrug off Remembrance Day. I'm also a product of my apathetic generation. And I've never felt the realities of wartime.What we're experiencing in Iraq and Afghanistan just seems so far removed from my life.

But really, as the years have passed, and my opinions have matured, I think I've come to realize that we without question owe a lot to our soldiers. Some may go to war to unleash their violent tendencies, whereas there are those who fight for altruistic reasons. It's the altruism and that unbelievable loss of life that I want to remember.

Can you believe that the death toll in Iraq is 107,235 (according to Wikipedia)? I think I'll put down my Ferrero Rocher's and take a minute to remember tomorrow. Maybe that'll appease Victor as well, as he's now put on "The Mexican" (gag) because I won't watch any war movies.

Work Live Play

2010-11-06T23:11:00.000-07:00

Or should I say "Live Work Play"? I think the emphasis should sit on the work as that is where my emphasis is right now.

My mat leave is over and I will no longer be a SAHM. Back to office coffee and uncomfie shoes, water coolers and photocopiers. Oh and back to 8 hours of staring at a screen instead of my beautiful baby's face. But I must see the positive. I am going back to a job where I know I am valued.

I really wish I was going back to a job where Dwight works.

I recently applied for a job with another company (cue the shock!) and was offered quite a bit more money than I was currently making. And so...counter-offers ensued and I am back at my old job. My reasons for looking elsewhere were two-fold: money and time. I now have additional expenses (baby boots), therefore money is a big issue for me. It feels good to be valued monetarily...because no matter how many pats on the back or "good jobs" you get at work, being handed a few thousand more on your paycheque always feels a million times better.

I love my work environment, and love my co-workers (shout-out to Rawbean even though you're on a completely different floor) so applying for this new job had nothing to do with that. I applied for this other job because I didn't think I could ask for a raise after coming off of maternity leave. And apparently I was wrong. And simply put, I hadn't had a raise in over 2.5 years. That's a long time considering inflation. I mean, 2.5 years ago, I used to be able to buy a loaf of bread for $2.50 and now it's 5 FREAKIN dollars!

BUT...there's a big but here. At this new job, I was offered a slightly more flexible schedule (9am - 4pm!) with overtime to be done at home after hours when possible. So even though I took the counter-offer by my current company, I still feel like kicking myself in the shins for not negotiating a more flexible work schedule. Because time is precious...even more precious now. I can't afford to come home at 9pm meanwhile having to be at work at 7:30am the next day. I made mention of this during the negotiations but nothing concrete was presented to me. So I hope with all my might that it works out in the end and that my work life becomes much more balanced than it was before I went on mat leave. At least for the next year or two when I put my new "life plan" into action.

..............................................................................................

On a completely unrelated note, Victor and I are tasked with the job of cleaning out my grandma's storage unit on the Sunshine Coast. We spent a good part of Thursday rifling through boxes and unwrapping knik knaks that we had wrapped up only 3 years ago. As a writer, I knew that the only thing of value in those boxes (to me at least) was my grandma's writing. Letters, manuscripts, poems etc. now litter my living room. I just spent a few hours reading through old letters between my grandma and grandpa where my grandpa disguised himself as "G. Gray Hill". The two of them were so playful and total oddballs. The closing sentence on a large part of the letters was "So remember the motto and don't be a..." with a badly drawn picture of a sheep following. They really were in love even though they weren't together anymore. It makes me want to do something grand with these letters.

Here is a snippet from a letter written in January 1966, addressed to "Tubby":

Have you got your wedding ring fixed yet? That ring has a very sad-story well-suited to you. In a direct connection here, is the tale of a shrivelled turkey, which emerged from the oven no larger than a sparrow! This farcical exaggeration is known as one of "Gray's Specials" but it does make a nice conversation piece. The ring once belonged to a friend of mine. Now it belongs to another.

Believe it or not, I still love you, Tubby, a bit.

Signed,
G. Gray Hill

Anyways, I better get off to bedland (not before turning all the clocks back an hour...hint hint).

Sentimental Montage Alert

2010-11-03T21:00:00.000-07:00

This may be super corny but truthfully, it brought tears to my eyes (and yes I put it together):

Warning: this may only be of interest to Bella's close personal entourage.

Have a party!

2010-11-02T23:08:00.000-07:00

Somebody's 1 today!

Yep, that's me!

The coolest chick in town turned one on October 31st. We had a major blast (despite the mad rush to decorate, and cook and make sure everything was just so...sidenote: it wasn't).

We decided to dress up with a theme...we decided on "good and evil". Bella being the angel that she is was "good" and did so super cutely:

I was a a big bad devil and Victor, the mediator: a priest. It was good times - we had a gorilla, a monkey, a prisoner, a cop, ironman, spiderman, shrek, a cowboy, a vampire, two hippies, a punk rocker, a knight and a pumpkin. Food was in abundance, and pinatas were a rockin'.

Oh - someone doesn't look too happy.

We played pin the tail on the cat, tried out some pumpkin decorating (which no one was into), pinata smashing (which started out innocently enough with a plastic stick and ended with a metal cane) and a trophy award for the adults who actually had the cajones to dress up.

The pinata fallout.

Cake time!

Funky monkey cake by Tia Susieta!

It's not a birthday without a little cake poke by cousin Jaiden.

Cake in the face, a family tradition.

Uhhh B, you have a little something on your nose.

The beginning of the awkward public present opening. This went on for 45 minutes and I probably said "cute" and "pretty" about a gazillion times.

The birthday girl with the most interesting gift. A simple birthday card.

One Year

2010-10-30T17:56:00.000-07:00

What does a year mean? According to Wikipedia, a year is is the orbital period of the Earth moving around the Sun. Over and above the sun and orbits and stuff, a year has a pivotal impact to the grand scheme of our lives. In one year, so much can happen and sometimes it seems like things have stayed the same but in reality, and according to Buddha if you happen to follow him, we change day by day. And 365 days of change equates to a heckofalot of change. I recently re-read emails that I sent over 5 years ago and felt like I was reading someone else's email. Weird how even a short spell of our lives can result in a different voice even.

My point to all this philosophizing...well, my point is this: I feel completely different after this last year. My life has changed twenty-thousand fold. I'm actually not in a super good mood lately and feel as though my life has taken a turn away from who I truly am. I mean, I could argue that who I truly am is not a constant. I am variable (according to that wise old Buddha fella). But it's a serious feeling not to be ignored. I've heard from other mom's that maternity leave and having a child does that to you but I never thought it would happen to me.

As I run errands lately, I see 20 somethings prancing around in their skinny jeans and boots, with the new legwarmers that I had no idea was a new thing. The beautiful hair and make-up. And I wonder, when did I become the sweats and runners, frizzy hair headband wearing mom? Well, last year to be exact.

This brings me to the point of my disconcern. I've spent a great deal of time this past year looking after the centre of my life. The centre of my life with the name Bella who is turning one in two days (go Bella! It's your birthday! Have a party!). Throughout this past year, I've gone from putting "Me" first to putting me in the backseat. And it's been a constant struggle, sort of a battle of "shotgun" with myself.

Having a child who is slightly amazing, or grossly amazing, has made me feel more with my heart. Has made me take pleasure in the little things in life and not get so wrapped up in "what to wear, what to eat, what to say". I'm just being. And unfortunately, that is not who I am. I am a "wear the right clothes, eat the right food, say the right thing" kind of person (or at least I think of myself that way). Unfortunately, this equates to "wear whatever (food stains? who cares!), eat whatever, say whatever" which in essence means "do not take care of yourself".

I've become a mom who dresses her daughter to the nines and then wears "whatever". And for the most part, it hasn't bothered me until lately. Because I've seen those moms, in the skinny jeans and boots...and leg warmers even! With the kids dressed to the nines. And I say to myself, if they can do it, so can I. It's just a matter of committing myself and making time for me.

This post was originally supposed to be about Bella but I've been in this horrible mood lately so had to let out a little of the dialogue in my head...blog therapy I guess. It feels good to let it out on the page before you.

..........................

In other news, Bella is turning ONE tomorrow! It feels like just yesterday she was the size of a peanut, nestled in the crook of my arm. And now she's grown not only in size but in mind...she's a smart cookie who is already fighting for her independence from me. I can imagine how she'll be at 15.

Go away mom!

I've spent the last few days getting ready for her party...and now it's a cooking fiesta in our house, as we make a feast for her entourage. We can't wait to dress up in our halloween costumes and get down to the Monster Mash and Purple People Eater. Oh and I found Fresh Princes "Nightmare on My Street", which will be one of my favourites to shake this bootie to.

I've made a handful of "pet ghosts" for the bigger kids to carry around at the party. Should be fun times with all the cheesetastic decorations and truckloads of candy to hyper up the kidlets!

Stay tuned for an update on her birthday!

I think Ikea is mocking us

2010-10-28T22:15:00.000-07:00

It just occurred to me that the armoir we recently bought at Ikea is called the Dombas.

The beauty of the name is that during assembly, we (meaning Victor) felt just like the name of the damn thing.

The assembly went something like this:

Victor: "I think I put this together wrong." *hammer hammer hammer*

Linda: "Did you read the instructions?"

Victor: "You mean these?" *see example below

Linda: "Oh...I see."

Victor: "Let me try pulling the nails out." *snap crackle and pop*

Victor: "Uh....do you mind the doors being on backwards?"

Linda: "Sounds good to me."

NB: If you decide to purchase and put this massive beast together, please don't be a Dombas and call Ikea before assembly to avoid a backwards armoir.

Show and Tell

2010-10-27T09:08:00.000-07:00

Our computer screen is now fixed and I feel like a kid in a candy store. It's so nice to be able to use the internet without wanting to rip my hair out...and to look over photos and videos that I've taken in the last couple of months.

So let's go back in time, shall we?

September 9, 2010 (sidenote: Happy Birthday Griffin!)
One of Bella's first words...besides mama/dada/pepe/agua:

October 18, 2010

It took us 9 days after she started walking to capture a picture. I have videos but they are long and most of them feature me singing which I won't subject you to.

October 21, 2010

And here she is looking like a catalogue model...just near missing that chic hands-in-the-pockets look.

October 25, 2010

Here finally, is a picture of Bella waiting for the claw to come down so she can pet (or lightly smack as I call it) the cat.

And that's all folks...this uploading pictures business is way too time consuming.

All you need is trust...and a little bit of pixie dust... - Peter Pan

2010-10-26T22:58:00.000-07:00

My grandma, Diana (Pixie) Mary Daly passed away peacefully today at 10pm. I know I should be an adult and accept that life has to end someday. I mean, she was 93 years old and has lived a full life, however, I just feel as though there was so much left unsaid, you know?

I keep replaying the last time we saw each other before she got sick. And I wish more than anything that I stayed with her for longer. That we could have had a long talk about the past, my memories of her and her thoughts on death.

If someone passes and you leave things unsaid (i.e. grandma, you're an amazing woman....you were like a mom to me when I went through tough times with my mom...your independent life has made such an impact/impression on my life...I wish I had your strength), then you feel deep regret. I mean, at her bedside, while she lay there looking so peaceful, I told her how much I loved her and that she will always be in my heart, and then cried buckets after getting the words out. But I didn't say the things that I should have said.

So all this preamble to say this: I will take the opportunity here to say the things left unsaid.

Dear Grandma,

I know you hate all the mushy stuff and would probably get annoyed at what I'm about to say, but I feel like it needs to be said in remembrance of you. Who you are...and who you were.

My earliest memory of you is at Christmas...probably 1983. I was five years old and playing Hungry Hippos with my brother on the floor. You sat on our light brown patent leather couch knitting and telling my brother to 'play fairly' as he continued to smash my hippo with his fist. I remember getting mad and going to sit in your lap as you knit something...probably for me. Your perfume was floral, and you always reminded me of royalty for some reason. You were regal in a way, although completely unintentionally.

As I grew older, and visited your place many times, I remember eating right from your garden. We would walk through the garden chatting and you would reach out and snap off something green and get me to try it. As a child it was snow peas, as a 20-something year old, it was kale. Both crunchy, one sweet, the other one earthy. My love of vegetables stems from those memories.

I remember you kept Count Chocula cereal in a cupboard for my brother who loved the sugary sweet stuff at the break of dawn. I always asked for toast, and to this day, the smell of toast reminds me of sitting in your eat-in kitchen with homemade bread, jam and butter not margarine. The newspaper was always spread out on the table waiting to be read.

I remember you always tried to find a friend for me to play with when I went to stay with you as you thought I would get bored 'hanging out with the old folks'. Awkwardly, I would play with someones granddaughter who's grandma had the very same idea as you.

I remember coming to see you in 2003-ish. I drove up in my Jetta (oh how I loved that Jetta...it was my first away trip with it) and spent a couple nights with you and Aunt Madeleine who was also up for a visit. Madeleine and I spent the days down at the beach tucked away in these massive smooth rocks, both immersed in books while lazily talking about boys and life. At night, we ate dinner and all had enough wine to make our faces rosey. You tried to convert us into Charlie Rose fans...but Grandma, I never really got that show but maybe I just didn't give it enough of a chance.

I remember the day that you took me around town introducing me to everyone as your 'grandaughter who is going to UBC studying politics'. Just politics thank you very much.

But the memory I will never forget is the last 'well' visit. I remember you, with sotto-voce as you always spoke due to that damn Parkinsons, announcing to everyone in the cafeteria that Bella was your 'great granddaughter'. No one could hear you so I repeated it for everyone feeling a bit shy. But you were so proud. Beaming in fact. I'm so glad that Bella got to meet you and vice versa. If only it were for a bit longer but there's a point where you need to let go.

Among many other things, you know what I wish we would have talked about that last visit? I wish you could have told me why everyone called you Pixie. Was it because you were mischievous as a child? A playful spirit? As you grew older, I believe your playfulness became wit, adventure and fierce independence. Much like a pixie.

And one last word before I go. For all those years and birthdays, and Christmases and Easters when I didn't send a thank you card. Thank you with the depth of my heart. You never forgot to send a card with little messages of what you were up to, alongside a gift. You always planned it well so that they arrived well before the actual celebration day...so my brother and I would itch in anticipation. And sorry grandma for not being as diligent with gift-giving and card writing. That is not my forte. I get so wrapped up in the day-to-day that I tend to forget the written thank you's. But please know that I am thankful for having you in my life. And hopefully as life goes on, you will be up there somewhere listening to my pleas, as well as gratitudes for what life holds for me and my family in the future.

It's been a time...

2010-10-20T11:54:00.000-07:00

Hi there - it's been a while since I last updated you on happenings at casa loca. Well, where should I start. Our laptop screen cracked a few weeks ago so I haven't had any urge to post or surf for that matter as our emergency laptop has a five inch screen (no joke) which requires lots of scrolling...and we're having issues with scrolling especially since we can't use a mouse with a curious and demanding 11 month old and a 12 week old kitten (who simultaneously like to get tangled up in the wires).

I also now have allergy-induced asthma due to the kitten so we've bought a massive air purifier and I've taken to loads of allergy medication so I can keep the nasty symptoms at bay. Crazy? Totally. But Lola has grown on me...and she and Bella have become best of friends (what's a few scratches between friends?). Oh and also, the cat keeps the mice away which was one of the reasons we got her as our building (unbeknownst to us when we got the place) has mice that are resilient to traps (the humane kind!).

Oh and also, my grandma has been ill and I've taken the ferry over to the Sunshine Coast twice in the past few days (and will most likely go back again tomorrow) to see her. The outlook is not good and unfortunately she has no capacity to speak or even keep her eyes open. Yet I know she can hear me because when I tell her stories, she responds in subtle ways. And at one point, Bella kept waving to her and saying "HI" over and over and I swear I heard my grandma say Hi through the respirator.

And now on a positive note, Bella has started walking! She took her first steps on October 9th (Thanksgiving weekend) and is now a walking machine. At her grandparents place, she just up and decided to walk from a living room chair over to me, on the sofa. Then, as I tried to keep her busy with my keys at one point during the evening, she walked straight to the front door (I'm talking major steps here) and pretended to unlock the door with the keys. She's a freakin' genius child! How do they connect objects to actions like that? Only a few months ago, she was a drooling, rolling mess! (and I mean that in the best possible way ofcourse).

And I'm dying to post pictures and videos and witness testimony of her walking (like I'm sure all proud blogger parents do) however, this pseudo computer that I'm using doesn't allow me to. So it'll have to wait until our lovely cracked laptop is fixed and functioning...oh and I'll definitely post pictures of Bella and Lola getting into some monkey business. They're always up to something those two!

What's-his-name?

2010-09-30T15:30:00.000-07:00

I lay here hoping that the guy cutting the grass across the street stops and that any jerk who honks on the street nearby thinks that maybe, just maybe, a baby might be trying to nap somewhere. But no beans. It's a sunny day and people forget that baby's are trying to sleep the world around. That's probably the last thing you're thinking when you reach for that horn.

It was a funny sort of day today. A day where we went to get coffee at our usual place (however we haven't been in eons), and Bill, the barista says "what's the babies name again?" and I replied "Bella" and he said "oh Stella! A beautiful name". And I corrected him..."no, it's Bella". And he continued to call her Stella. And then called me Lydia.

Then we went and picked up the newest addition to our family. We decided to get a cat. Yes. Me...a dog person. With a cat. She's a kitten actually and I have to say, she's pretty darned cute. We named her Lola as it's probably the easiest name for Bella to say. Right now, she's napping despite the grass cutting and honking and general douchebag-type noise outside. She ignores the sounds of the hour while Bella hears them and thinks it's time to play or jump up and down in her crib while she yells "mamamamamamamama" over and over. It's going to be one of those days where her second nap is tried and tested but not completed.

Back to the kitten. It seems that I'm going to have to be super vigilant around these two when they're together. Bella has already taken to picking the cat up by the ear, or leg or tail and I have to rush over and say "NO" to a baby who is still learning the concept. It's going to be fun times all around.

you've been skunked!

2010-09-25T10:38:00.000-07:00

Last night, as Victor and I played our trillionth game of Uno (Victor's newest obsession), the stankiest stink wafted, no...thundered into our apartment. It went from skunk?, to SKUNK in no seconds flat. And it just kept getting worse. We didn't know the protocol...close the windows and hotbox? Or keep the windows open and use fans to ventilate? We tried the close windows option and almost died of skunkification. So an hour later, I thought all was safe and tried the ventilation trick.

You want to know what I woke up to this morning? A huge mouthful of SKUNK. That means the smell stayed in our apartment overnight (OR I had really bad breath that even I could smell). So I wonder, even if we're two stories up, could the skunk have climbed up the building and aimed his butt directly at our apartment? Could it be? And if so, will I, unbeknownst to me, smell like skunk to the outside world today? We'll soon find out as I have to run some errands. If I notice scrunched up faces and dirty looks, I'll know the answer.

These are the days of our lives

2010-09-22T10:38:00.000-07:00

I don't think there has ever been a time in my life where time has slipped through my fingers as quickly as it is now. I ache for the day to feel long, to feel as though it's never going to end. It's a funny thing to wish for as I know if I was feeling it, I'd be wishing I wasn't.

My days spent with the ladybug are full of ROFL (rolling on floor laughing...I can't believe I just acronymed that). Days at the park on the swing, waiting for the loud "YAY" scream that comes every few minutes from the little bundle in my arms. The days at home where Bella will sneak up on me and bite me in the knee and laugh hysterically (while I think, "I should be mad" but rather laugh instead because it's pretty funny). Answering the phone to hear a "haaaallla?" really loudly somewhere in the room (with hand to ear, pretending to be on the phone as well). The quiet time spent looking at pictures of family and friends. The early mornings where we lay in bed together, sometimes quietly cuddling or practicing new words like this mornings "doggy"...or "doddy" according to the queen B.

These moments are like sands through an hourglass (another little soapopera reference there for ya). I know soon I'll wake up and Bella will be 15 and wanting to spend weekends with friends instead of us. So I enjoy it and try my best to make the day long. To live in the moment instead of worrying about the soon to be 10 hours away from home each and every day of the week. It makes me tear up as I write this but it's a damn fact of life. I'm gonna miss seeing this face for those 10 hours a day.

Well, that was sad. Pretty gloomy for a sunny day like today. So in short, I'll make the best out of our last month together. And absence makes the heart grow fonder, right? I'll spend my days lost in work and come home shouldering off stress to a warm hug from my little banana bean.

Beyonce bootay!

2010-09-13T11:48:00.000-07:00

I'm on a mission to get slim and trim...stop the lazy couch potato madness! I've been feeling less and less motivated to get out and exercise and have instead been spending a lot of time indoors cooking, eating, playing and being lazy. It's been a blast but it's time to get back to my old self. I think I've probably said this before on this blog but this time...this time I'm 1000% serious. And hey, I need to shape up so I can wear my old work clothes and feel comfortable. Right now, I feel more or less like a stuffed sausage in them.

To kick-off this mission, I enrolled in a stroller fit class. That way, Bella (yes, Bella again...I gave up the Felicia battle) can mingle with some little babes and I can work off this jiggle in the jungle and defy gravity on some of my favourite body parts (ahem...my ass).

I'm also going to walk down to Commercial Drive today to meet a couple of old friends for lunch. So that's enough of being homebound sisters!

Baby talk and halloween dilemmas

2010-09-10T15:17:00.000-07:00

This little banana boat bellini is now saying new words left right and centre. She's at a rate of two words per day. Yesterday, she pointed at a picture of a baby and said "BayBee!"...then, while I was cleaning her little bum and explaining to her what I was doing, she said "diaper"...more like "DiePa" but close enough. And today "duck" and "hola!".

And so we've been scoping out halloween costumes lately. We trekked over to Value Village yesterday as they have a massive halloween section (unused costumes thank you very much)...and I decided I wanted to be a banana for Halloween. And Victor said "that's fitting".

Then we realized we should stay within a theme. We started out looking for Flintstone costumes (bam-bam...too cute!). Yet the Flintstones doesn't go with our haunted house theme...but it's wrong to dress your baby up in a scary costume isn't it? Like bride of Chucky? A witch? The button is a halloween baby so we have to be original here. And she has to be spectacularly cute. Maybe we should all be killer bumblebees?

We'll figure it out after checking out Dressew, the ultimate in Halloween (and nasty cashiers...am I right?). Although, I'm stilling dreaming about that darn banana costume.

Change is a good thing

2010-09-07T22:42:00.000-07:00

No, by change I don't mean I went and cut my hair (I'm still mulling)...

I decided the blog needed a facelift...I had seen this "New Template Designer" icon peeking out at me for a while now but just bypassed it thinking it would be cooler to wait a bit...cause I'm cool like that :)

bad hair day #2000

2010-09-07T18:01:00.000-07:00

It's decided. My hair is bipolar. It's a mash-up of curly roots and straight ends...the opposite of what is normal as most people's hair curls at the bottom but is straight at the roots. Here's a pic of the offending hair:

Excuse the rookie PhotoShop skills but mat leave is my excuse.

So anyways, I think I might cut my hair. I spent almost four hours cleaning our place yesterday and guess what I found this morning after all that cleaning? My hair EVERYWHERE. No joke, I had cleaned to the point where our floor was spotless...then an hour later, a ton of my hair found itself back on the floor. So I need to chop this shag off.

I found this when I googled "short curly hairstyles 2010":

This chica does not have curly hair. It's curled. I like it (a lot) but I need to focus and find a hair do for natural curly hair. The hairstyle above would require ironing and curling and teasing and let's face it, crying because I'd be so annoyed with all the work involved. I need to just face the facts that this is what my hair looks like short:

And maybe, just maybe I can tame and texturize it to look a bit more like this (minus the supermodelness about it):

Let's see if I take the plunge in the next few days...it's a scary thought...

stuck on a feeling

2010-09-06T13:07:00.000-07:00

Isn't it hard to get motivated when it's raining...and you're lazy? I want to clean our place yet I sit here talking about it instead of doing it.

I spent my night holding Felicia in my arms because she has a runny nose and can't breathe when she's laying down. It was a bit much but it was the only thing that got her to sleep...so I have good reason to be lazy today. Especially with this kink in my neck.

Has anybody else noticed how this blog is starting to sound like a "Dear Diary"? I have. I hope you don't mind.

So in one of my last posts, I mentioned that I plan on changing careers...and I've got the ball rolling on that. It feels good, to have a goal to work towards. But I'm still torn...do I want to spend truckloads of money on school and growing my business, or buy a bigger place of our own in 5 years? Do I want to be my own boss or have a nice home to come to? I think I just answered my own question. Being my own boss and waiting a few more years for a home of our own is much more appealing than continuing to work on someone else's inflexible schedule.

On a related note, I just found out that my dad applied to do his M.Sc. at UBC. At 65! I beamed with pride and thought to myself, if he can do it, so can I! Then I was crushed to find out that he wasn't accepted. He spoke to the admitting prof and was told that they couldn't rightfully give a Master's spot to someone his age...when a younger person who would like to begin their career would lose out. And then he was told that he could sit in in classes if he likes. Big bummer. It really made me think that I better get my education over and done with before it's too late.

10 months of Bellita Felicita Chiquita Being Crazy Adorable

2010-09-05T22:11:00.001-07:00

It just seems that I can't get it together to post regularly. Yet I constantly commit to myself to make a commitment to post. Whew, that's a lot of commitment in one sentence.

So, from now on, I will commit(!) to post everyday no matter what, even if all I've done is picked my nose*. Therefore, brace yourself for some pretty boring posts in the near future...

And now for an update on the miniature supermodel:

She is only 10 months and has developed the most awesomest personality that I have ever encountered (ofcourse, I'm biased). If I were to guess what she'll be when she grows up, I would have to say she'll be an entertainer.

She loves to make people laugh with these ridiculous funny faces and just looooves attention from strangers. Whenever I'm waiting in a line-up, no matter where I am, she'll sing out really loudly so the person in front of me will turn around...then she'll wave hello with a big smile on her face, like "look at me, I'm cute". She's also onto her first words other than mama/dada. She now says "pepe" for bottle and "agua" for water. Yep that's spanish...smart cookie is she not?

And now onto not so great, really candid, news. I've been taking the pill for the first time ever and have been up and down like a rodeo clown**...like emotionally I mean. So the pill is no longer and onto a search for birth control that leaves me as me with no hormonal imbalances that make me want to punch my husband in the face***.

* yes, that's a metaphor...I don't actually pick my nose.
** yes, that's a hyperbole. Score two for figurative language and grade 8 English.
*** Figuratively ofcourse! And can you tell I'm hormonal? I don't normally say such things!

Lemon yellow sun

2010-08-19T20:59:00.000-07:00

At last, a place of our own. We moved back into Vancouver and are living solo...as a family of three instead of a family of a thousand and one. And it feels good...damn good!

Don't get me wrong, I love having family around...but at arms length...weekly visits, not daily, hourly.

And so we've painted our place yellow, "Celestial Sun" reads our paint swatch. It's bright and kind of country. It works well with our furniture which is mostly dark brown...kind of poo and pee-ish now that I think about it but that's because I'm juvenile like that.

I'm due for a monthly (or at the rate I'm going, quarterly) update of my little pork dumpling so I'll get on that asap...because she's truly amazing and getting more and more amazing every day. I mean, she's this amazing: she leans in for kisses now, like smoochy kisses not just pecks and I can't get enough of them. She gives me big wet smooches on my cheek when I'm not looking or when I'm preoccupied. It's killer cute.

And one more thing before I go, I've been back at my old job for a week...just to get my feet wet and test the waters of what it'll be like when I go back full-time in November. And I can't get over the strangeness of the work day. We get out of bed, get dressed up and put make-up on to sit at a desk for 8 hours, then rush home to eat, go to bed and repeat. I guess being off work has really put things in perspective for me. I think I work better on my own schedule. I was at my desk today with a pile of documents on my desk to review and I couldn't focus. If I was at home, I could've gone to the gym during that time and starting working later on when I felt a little more focused. So because of this, I've been talking to Victor about possibly going back to school part-time...take a different turn in my future because the work life that I was so enmeshed in before my mat leave is no longer appealing to me. And I need to work towards a better life...so we'll see what the future holds.

Alright, it's peace out time so night night y'all!

ramblin' on

2010-07-15T21:46:00.000-07:00

You know what sucks? A slow internet connection, that's what. It's been a few weeks now and I now look at my computer in disgust. I've tried everything short of shaking the damn thing. Hence, the lack of posting in the last couple of weeks. We're just waiting for Victor's younger brother to come over and work his magic on our laptop...and this may take weeks...months.

You know what doesn't suck? The fact that I've been spending all my time outside in this crazy fantastic weather! I've been hiking and biking and beach blanketing...been running and sunning and it's been pretty rad if I do say so myself.

But you know what sucks again? In my attempt to save money, I haven't had a pedicure in ages. I have raggedy feet (which I tried pedicuring myself but no talent in that department). And flip flops are not made for raggedy feet. I think I'm due for a feet treat and will splurge on these dogs in the near future. They deserve it with all this summer action. Feet are amazing aren't they? How much work they do for us with little to no thanks? So THANK YOU feet, I'm booking you a pedicure pronto.

So any other news in my land? Well, I've been doing this Jillian Michaels circuit workout...not the 30 day shred but same concept. And I tell ya, it feels like it's chiselling my body to new proportions. I actually wore a pair of short shorts (note: NOT BOOTY SHORTS) today and didn't feel all post-pregnancy jiggly.

Oh and reason number 1000 why I love summer? Bowls full of juicy cherries for dessert.

And that there is the end of this completely random ramble.

movin' on up!

2010-07-04T18:15:00.000-07:00

My computer has been on the fritz and it takes a day and half to load up any page. What fun this makes checking out my favourite sites. So what I've been doing instead is planning a move back into Vancouver. Yep. That lasted all of three months.

An opportunity to move back into town presented itself and I took it in a flash. It's a bit difficult living with in-laws. The older brother/younger brother dynamic is getting to us. Victor, being the younger (middle) brother, has and always will be the "nice" guy. And anything his brother tells him to do, he'll do. And so it's been a bit of a headache to see him leave the house to go to Canadian Tire when he's supposed to be washing the dishes or {insert chore here}. It's not just that, there are other issues...and we are just gloriously happy to have privacy again. To have a bit more of a barrier than a knock at an unlocked door.

And so, after that bit of candor, we'll soon be back to our old hood...plus a few thousand blocks...but at least we'll be in Vancouver. And back to condo living but heck, we sometimes have to sacrifice for urban living.

7 month update

2010-06-26T10:41:00.000-07:00

I'm so in love with my little girl that sometimes I watch her in awe...she amazes me each and every day and does things that just seem well beyond her years.

She's already crawling and STANDING. I've had a talk with her about growing up too fast but she's rebelling nonetheless. Here are a few other things that she's doing that melt my heart and leave me breathless:

When I pick her up from her crib, she rests her head in the crook of my neck, curls up in a little ball and sighs.

She does downward facing dog randomly while crawling around the floor. Just for fun sake.

When I say "beep beep?", she crawls over to her toy car and pushes the horn.

After waking up and hugging it out, we walk over to the front door and look outside to check the weather. She always waves hello to the world, like "Hi world, I'm awake!".

She gives me the stink eye when she doesn't want to eat anymore.

She sings to me when all is quiet in the house.

Whenever she hears someone else sing "ABCD", she stops whatever she's doing and looks concerned...like "why is that person singing mommy's song?".

And this is neither here nor there but remember Soleil Moon-Frye? aka Punky Brewster? Well, I've updated her look to this:

d day

2010-06-20T09:05:00.000-07:00

Today is father's day and because Victor is not my father, I didn't get him anything. Well, I may have bought him a bag of pistachios and made him a coupon for a homemade pedicure (clause: no stinky feet!). I know, I'm a cheapskate.

Felicia went all out. She got him a wonderful card and gruellingly spent time addressing the card to her favourite dad in the world.

Then, she got him a really nice aftershave and a tub of candy tarantulas (yuck). Oh and while shopping, she decided to get herself something, a radio that plays mozart/chopin/bach. I questioned her on the purchase but she protested (loudly) in the store.

And so we wait to spend time with our own papas. We're going all out fat pants city and having a buffet brunch (with seafood no less!) for my father-in-law. Then chilling with my dad in Vancouver...perhaps at the father's day celebration at Granville Island. Should be buckets o' fun.

Nothing too interesting to post so I'll leave it at that. OH but I can't forget an update on the World Cup.

(With all these 4:30am games, I'm a little delirious so excuse my obsession with shirtless men...or shirtless Ronaldo's).

So it seems that there are a lot of boring games happening in this world cup. I have no idea how many games have resulted in a tie. Complete snore show. I wish soccer could be a blend between hockey and soccer. A few fights here and there might make it a little more interesting. Kind of like the Holland/Portugal game back in 2006. That was a headbutting/tumbling/cussing mess but kept me on the edge of my seat.

And so, the most interesting thing about this world cup? I found out that Cristiano Ronaldo may be...perhaps...I-just-don't-get-it...dating Kim Kardashian. Well, score one for curvy women but Kim Kardashian?

miss no manners

2010-06-15T07:57:00.000-07:00

Lately, I've been concerned about my manners. I mean, now that I'm in charge of teaching manners to chiquita, then I have to know my shit.

In particular, I think my table manners suck. It all begins with fork and knife usage. I have forever been perplexed by the right hand/left hand knife/fork switch. I mean, I was taught to eat this way growing up but it never felt comfortable to me. I eat with the fork in the right hand and knife in the left hand for the entire meal. I remember my dad saying to me "what if you're invited to eat with the Queen one day?". And I thought "phhhhhhhhhht" (hand fart) to that. And according to Wikipedia, the British don't do the switch (yet they eat with the fork in the left and knife in the right for their entire meal!).

Is it me or does the switch seem like a waste of time? I like to eat my meal with no interruptions and a utensil switch just seems completely unneccessary. Yet, I've never encountered anyone that agrees with me. And I try. I really do. When we go to fancy restaurants, I awkwardly do the switch...always feeling like a fake.

Next to the annoying utensil switch is the elbow rule. No elbows on the table...yet forearms are ok. How the heck can you have a relaxed conversation with someone at the dinner table with your forearms on the table? Maybe it's my long and heavy monkey arms that make this uncomfortable but seriously, forearms?

I guess these are minor etiquette infractions and probably go unnoticed but I'm just wondering if there is anyone out there who pay attention to these types of things?

boot obsessed

2010-06-13T07:51:00.000-07:00

Some would say that I'm a boot fanatic. I have all types of boots: long ones, short ones, high ones, flat ones, slipper boots, black boots, brown boots, blue boots, grey boots. The list goes on. Now, do you think it's wrong to impart my obsession on the little chachita? I hope not because I just bought these ridiculously cute boots for her:

Gretel Boots by JoyFolie

And these:

Mona Boots by JoyFolie

And I plan on ordering this crazy chic ruffled jacket:

Blthe Ruffled Jacket by JoyFolie

She'll be the best dressed kitten on the block!

baby reunion

2010-06-10T07:50:00.001-07:00

After over 7 months, we reunited with our pre-natal class friends to show off our babies. And it was a serious cute-a-palooza.

Felicia was the oldest out of the group. After spending a half hour with the other kids, she decided that she didn't particularly like it when one of the babes would loudly yell "wasssssup!" (or what sounded like it). The "wassup" baby was a super cute banana, at 21 lbs. and just 5 days younger than Feli, he was a solid kid who was pretty vocal. Chubby babies sure are cute.

Aria, Feli's good friend was also there and they were equally annoyed by the constant "wassup". Instead, they preferred to hang out on the floor together after taking the party "back to my place":

It's pretty evident that Feli is already pretty choosy in the company she keeps. Too loud? Forget you. Share toys (meaning: dirty old cup) with me? Love you.

And so, the reunion day (June 6th) was the first day that monkey started waving "hi" to people. I had been practicing with her for a few days and she finally decided to try it out on people at the reunion. I was beaming.

Here she is practicing the wave:

Oh and just one more mom thing -- she is now saying "Mama". She first said it two weeks ago, while my mom tried to feed her and she protested, lifted her arms up and looked directly at me and said "mama!". And now she can't get enough of it. I think my heart skips a beat every time she says it. Which is all day...I wonder how I get anything done around here?

crazytown

2010-06-09T19:58:00.001-07:00

For those of you who don't know me in real life, my older brother is institutionalized. Yes, like in the crazy house. Yeah, it's sad and whatever, but my family has been living with it for over 15 years now so it's kind of just eh. Life happens, we deal with it.

Today was visiting day. And I have to say, it's always good times. I went up to the fourth floor and thank gawd, did not have to share the elevator with anyone. I was able to walk right into his ward without having to be buzzed in which was a pleasant surprise. Once in, I was able to spot him from a mile away. Backpack on, talking on the phone. More than likely calling me to make sure I was coming. When he saw me, he walked over and said "it looks like you're wearing a wig"...I had flat ironed my hair which he doesn't ever approve of. Then, as usual, he had a list of things for me to buy for him. A burger, chips, socks. He didn't want me to stay and told me to leave, in fact. I left with my list in hand and a promise to return next week not empty handed. Funny...he never beats around the bush and always says what he thinks.

As I left the ward, a lady walked up to me and said "nice jacket". And then as I walked out to my car, a guy sitting out on the lawn surrounded by fellow patients on a smoke pass, yelled out "Hey....you're good lookin'!". I couldn't help but smile. I laughed out loud actually. Imagine having no filter, no barrier to what you're thinking. Nothing stopping you from blurting out your thoughts. Imagine that this is exactly the difference between the mentally ill and the rest of us. I'm fully aware that there's much more to it than that but on the surface, it seems as though honesty is an indication of insanity. Wow...can I get any deeper than that?

I can. I avoid taking my brother out places because of his candor. He will tell you you're fat, too skinny, ugly, have bad hair. He'll tell you to leave if he thinks the conversation is boring. He's even been known to shout out racial slurs. It's hard to handle, this extreme honesty. Even I can't take it because in the world that I live in, honesty has its place. In his world, it's the only thing he knows. And I wonder where it came from? We were born of the same mother, raised by the same two parents with the same values and morals. We both went to peace marches as children, holding signs up written by our parents saying "US get out of Central America" or "social justice for the masses". We were both taught to say "please" and "thank you" and to use the right fork and knife. And now all of this is lost on him. He's in a world of his own where the barrier from brain to tongue is non-existent.

Yet, it's funny. Not the racial slurs ofcourse...but the outrageous things he says. He may frustrate me to no end, but when he pulls on my hair and says "take that wig off", I laugh. And when he blurts out "are you gay?" to Victor, I laugh. I just wonder how Felicia will handle him. Will she be better at dealing with him in the outside world? Will she find his ridiculous comments as funny as I do? I hope so. Because even though unintentional, he's a closet comedian. And he's my brother. And in typical brother/sister fashion, I love him and I hate him all at once.

we are the children

2010-06-04T12:21:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time, I did a school project on BP oil. In front of my class, teaming with fellow left-leaning compadres, I represented the oil giant in a debate. I spent hours researching their environmental policy and their lobby for drilling and pumping oil through the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge. I even wore a hard hat for that "log it, mine it, pave it" effect.

As I read through company propaganda, I began to convert a little. A smidge. I thought "these guys may not be so bad". I guess in true essence of debate, I really started to believe my argument. Millions poured into protecting the environment, research backing their claims of drilling and pumping safely, bla bla bla di bla. I sang the corporate song of "we are the world, we are the children". I thought, we are an oil based world...better a company aware of their effect, and a devotion to cleaning up their act than the alternative. I was fully aware of biased research, of "all talk and no action". Yet, I still marvelled at the fact that they had such an air tight policy and company values that valued preservation and conservation.

And now this, a blunder, a catastrophy. And now it's all gone to pot. A cast iron pot. A skillet in fact. Yet, I sit here and hope. I hope that all those years invested in developing their enviro policy and all those environmental geniuses hired by the company can fix this. Tragic...the marine death. The ripple effect. And I hope it doesn't get any worse. For our sake, for their sake:

I know, I'm fully aware of the gratuitous image insert...but don't they look concerned for this good green earth in this pic? I thought so too.

more festivities, vaccinations and baby weight

2010-06-02T21:35:00.000-07:00

Here I sit eating M&M's, reflecting...it's Victor's 31st birthday today and he's asleep on the couch at 9:41pm. And I'm this close to crashing but have to finish watching RHOC (a re-run, how pathetic). We didn't even have wine with dinner.

We woke up to breakfast in bed, made by my sister-in-law Michelle, and delivered by V's brother Manuel. We then spent some time chillaxin' with Felicia then went for sushi. Then decided to get even fatter and went to Samba's for dinner. And now I'm eating M&M's...overdoing it? Maybe but I'm celebrating. Celebrating my husband's 31st year of being around.

I'm also reflecting on the little bean machine. Today was Felicia's third round of vaccinations and rather than cry, she smiled a ton, flirted with everyone in the waiting room, laughed really hysterically at this goth family with long hair and trenchcoats (to which they in turn laughed), and just generally was an awesome kid. She has such a funky personality, it makes me beam with pride.

Oh and we're still waiting for teeth, see grandma gums:

We found out that she's on the small side compared to babies her age...she's not growing as fast as she should be apparently. She's only 15 lbs...which means nothing to someone not in baby land...but it's like 7 - 10th percentile kind of small. Weird though because she eats like a maniac...tonight at Samba's, she had a guacamole and bean fiesta. I know it's got to be attributed to all the rolling around and general antics she gets into throughout the day. So no need to worry -- she's got it all in the bag and will be growing at a good pace. I mean 15 lbs, that's a good weight for bicep curls hey?

we made it!

2010-05-30T21:09:00.000-07:00

Today marks one year of marriage to Mr. Hubster. One year of marriage and four years of good ol' cohabitation (or three years of full-on cohabitation and one year of "maybe we should...maybe we shouldn't" cohabitation).

We met five and a half years ago, on New Year's Eve of all eve's. I had weak plans for the evening...the plan was to spend the night at a niteclub with champagne, a close friend and a few acquaintainces. Yet my friend found out at the last minute that her boyfriend had tickets to some Portuguese New Year's party somewhere out at a hall in Richmond. So I thought, "sucks but I'll go ahead to the niteclub on my own". But said friend was adamant that I go with her and tried to score me a ticket to this "exclusive" event (note: the quotes denote sarcasm). Strangely, my friend, who happened to be dating Victor's younger brother, could not get a ticket because apparently it was too late. Low and behold, it was Victor who refused to get an extra ticket for me (this is ofcourse before we ever met) and said I shouldn't even bother coming. Apparently he was not too keen on his brother showing up with two chicas. Don't ask me why...I mean, he's male isn't he? And I was female?

Anyways, Victor's brother convinced me to go despite the fact that I didn't have a ticket. We drove out to Richmond to this hall along the river's edge, walked right into the hall without so much as a receiving table stopping us from entering. We didn't even need tickets apparently because dinner was over. I thought "jerk!" about Victor (again, still hadn't met him). But then I saw him as I walked up to his table...sitting there with his grandma by his side and his parents on the other...all suited up with a tie and everything. His eyes lit up as we were introduced. And that was it...it was over for me.

And even though it was already done, it got better. The Portuguese love their seafood so at midnight, out came huge mountains of prawns placed in the middle of the room. Prawns with heads and hair...or legs and eyes and everything gross. Victor put a plate of them right in front of me and I had no idea what to do. I attempted to pull off the head and peel all awkwardly with a "yuck" face. Victor's grandpa joked in Portuguese that I didn't know how to peel prawns...so Victor, so gallant, would peel them for me, one after the other. And he continued to do so for years until I finally got the hang of it and felt less grossed out by the eyeballs staring at me. And then...really, then, it was over. He had my heart at the prawn peel.

And so, today marked the day that we solidified our love for each other. And you know what we did to celebrate the day? We ate prawns and crab and clams and mussels. Yep, crustaceans and shellfish. And you know what? He peeled my prawns and even cracked my crab for me today, because it's a special day.

It may make me sound like a helpless female...but no, I'm just a sentimental one :)

And I need to get this t-shirt:

don't ask, don't tell

2010-05-28T12:02:00.000-07:00

So apparently today the US House voted to repeal the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy in the US military. It's about time! Canada has "allowed" GAL's in the military for almost 20 years now. I really don't understand what the big issue is here. I was reading various news articles on the subject and read comments written by soldiers saying that they did not want to sleep in the same barracks or shower with someone that was sexually attracted to them. Funny, I've never met a guy who didn't want to shower with someone who was sexually attracted to them...little joke there, but in all seriousness, how conceited? They're assuming that every gay person lives life as though they are at a niteclub. And really, would I hit on a gay guy when I know he's not attracted to me/my sex? Nuh uh, therefore, highly unlikely that a gay guy will hit on someone that he knows is not oriented that way.

It just infuriates me to read that someone has "nothing against gays" and then go onto say something like "I just don't want them hitting on me". It's such a contradiction to say you have nothing against someone yet you think they are out to convert you into their boyfriend/girlfriend against your will.

And so, that's my rant. I may not have a sophisticated argument here but ARGH! That's right, argh. And the change in law still has a long way to go but hey, it's a move in the right direction.

world cup fever

2010-05-27T14:31:00.000-07:00

Well, the World Cup is coming up in a few weeks and I'm geared up to jump on the bandwagon again. I used to be an avid soccer fan and even played on a team throughout elementary and junior high. I loved watching soccer games even when the World Cup wasn't on. But in between the last World and Euro Cup, I've lost interest during those "in-between" years. Now that the World Cup is here, I can feel the fury again and am excited to dress Felicia (and me) up in team memorabilia.

And so for the first time EVER, Honduras has made the World Cup. My mother's home country. It makes me wish I was back in Honduras, sitting with my close-knit extended family in front of a small tv, listening to my uncles curse the players and yelling "GOL!" when they finally score. I think back to two years ago when I was attached to an IV in a Honduran hospital, vomiting my uterus out (I know, too much?), while a crowd of my family sat around the room watching the game on my microscopic hospital tv. True fans, I tell ya.

Victor, being a rabid Portuguese, will ofcourse be cheering on Portugal. Yet he also has a fondness for Honduras and quietly hopes that they make it through their group (highly unlikely with Spain, Switzerland and Chile to beat).

So after all that, I have to say that this World Cup will be extra special because it's Felicia's first...and not one, but two of her countries of heritage are fighting for the Cup. Oh and the best part of soccer? This:

wardrobe refresh

2010-05-26T20:45:00.001-07:00

Okay, I know you've all seen this dress:

Now, I guess you can say I tend to follow certain trends...when they suit my body, ofcourse. No shapeless, flowy tops for my big 'uns. I like clothes with definition, form and structure. This dress fits the bill for me...well, the stripes will make the gazongas look even bigger but hey, sometimes this is unavoidable.

Anyways, after that tangent, I really want this dress. And the only place I could find it online (try googling "that dress that everyone is wearing with the tank top on top") was at Top Shop which we don't even have here. I would totally wear this dress with yellow flats:

Or for comfort (and less likelihood of summer sweaty feet):

And I would wear this bag -- stripe-a-licious!

It's matchy but oh so bumblebee chic :). I bet H&M has the dress...or maybe Old Navy? If anyone has seen this dress, please let me know. This summer, no more Lululemon shorts and faded black tank tops (exception: workouts) -- it's dresses and fashion and fun :)

Whoa two posts in one day! And a template change! I have a lot of time on my hands today since I swore off tv for an entire day. I should do this more often because I get a heckofalot done!

what the?

2010-05-26T14:38:00.000-07:00

For someone who professes to know a "little HTML", Blogger has made me feel so...what's the word...Luddite-ish. Why the hell is the posting date showing up as time only? Yeah, I don't know either. I checked the HTML (again, a "little HTML" knowledge does not go a long way) and everything looks right in the posting date area so...well, maybe I'll just change the template again. So there Blogger. Expect some changes soon.

Anyways, so the other day, I was thinking about how this blog has become all about my little monkey. My reasons for keeping this blog is to keep friends and family in the loop (even those of you that don't comment! And shout out to Rawbean and Wendy!) as to our daily antics as well as to have a written record so I can look back on Feli's progress/adventures. And the main reason: for Feli to be able to see how she was as a baby/little girl growing up...how much would I have loved it if my mom kept a blog!?

Now, as I learned during my career in communications, you have to write for your clearly definied audience. My audience includes friends, Felicia and me. Any other readers are a bonus, and I would love it if more people came by to check us out but I know the content is pretty baby heavy...and a baby you don't know is typically not as interesting as one you do know. But I have to say, that I wouldn't have it any other way. Feli is now my muse. My inspiration for writing. And if she makes 80% of my posts, then that's because she is 80% of my life right now (and forever!). I know how important it is to keep the rest of who I am in check though and therefore, not every post will be about the love of my life (hence the 80% :).

well, so much for that

2010-05-25T10:44:00.000-07:00

So much for sticking to my workout schedule. I've already fallen off the wagon and it's only been a week or so since I wrote that post!

Also, so much for Feli sleeping through the night. I thought she would get back to sleeping straight through from early evening to early morning...but alas, she has other plans for me. I think she has now discovered that playing and crawling is much more fun than sleeping. So we struggle to get her to sleep at night (she wants to hang out with us even when her head flops backward/forward and her eyes are all googly). Then, when she finally falls asleep, she wakes up 5 hours later (around 1am-ish) to crawl around the crib and cry for me. Then when I finally get her back to sleep, she wakes up at 4. It's a great pattern...I'm sooooo close to bringing her into bed with us from now on and forget this whole crib/sleep training business. Or maybe I should start swaddling her again?

I know, cute but kind of mean at 6/7 months...

Anyways, right now she's having a long morning nap so it's giving me a bit of time to relax and post when I should really be cleaning. Or exercising but...yeah, no.

Oh and we've been feeding her more complex foods now...less of the blended up single veggie/fruit, and more of a variety of flavours all at once. She ate Victor's baccalau (cod fish and shoe string potatoes, scrambled egg, parsley, garlic and onions...mmmmm) and loved it! Here she is wanting more:

I also made her the yummiest banana breakfast this morning: a few slices of banana sauteed in butter with a sprinkle of cinnamon - then mashed with a fork. I added a small teaspoon of apple cinnamon oatmeal baby cereal and voila, the yummiest breakfast that I was actually tempted to eat. She wasn't as keen on it as I thought she would be.

But if I spoke to her in high pitch baby speak (REALLY ANNOYINGLY), she would open her mouth for me. I was all "oooooooopen monkeYYYYYYYY! ooooooooooooopennnnnnnn ...gooooooooooooooood girrrrrrl! yuuuuuummmmmy yum yummmmmmers!" Victor was laughing at me but it was the only way she would open her mouth. Ah, the joys of mom-hood. Being annoying as hell and not caring :)

So today we're going to go to the local community centre to sign up for baby yoga out here in the burbs. Maybe that'll get me back on the fitness wagon. And I'm going to plan a hike for this weekend (if the weather is better) to kick this ba-donk-donk back into shape.

what's new?

2010-05-22T15:15:00.000-07:00

Well, nothing much is new to report...just a few small items of note:

Felicia's back on her awesome sleep schedule...although, still a little off but at least I get a good 8 hours before she wakes up in the morning!

We bought Feli a baby cage so she can crawl around...she's a little inch worm who gets around pretty quickly, see here for a still shot:

I've been doing a bit of work from home again...almost lost my mind doing it but it's all for the Benjamins (I know, I know...we don't even have Benjamins). And I made the silly mistake of asking my boss if she had any work I can do from home...haven't heard back yet but I'm going into work next week to meet with her. It's all because Victor isn't working much right now so it'd be good to get a little extra cash to infuse into Feli's education fund. And ofcourse in her shopping fund as well :).

Oh and it's great to have Victor home most days as I get a bit of time to myself -- hence the fitness goals are going well (as of the last 6 days at least)...and sharing the baby duties make them a lot more fun.

We have our pre-natal class reunion coming up in two weeks - and I'm kind of excited about it. It'll be fun to show off our little barrel of cuteness and see the other cutie pies! I have to find a really cute outfit for her to wear, maybe she can wear her bunny ears (being a halloween baby and all):

So that's it for now. Hopefully I'll have something a little more exciting next time!

goal post

2010-05-15T21:58:00.000-07:00

Taking Rawbean's lead on setting some fitness goals, I thought I would list a few goals of my own for the coming months. As I've been sick for the last little while, Project Tumaway has been put on hold and it's getting a little difficult to get back into it. I attempted a run last Thursday but after 2 minutes, my body was screaming for me to stop. So it seems that my body is still in immuno-a$$-kicking mode. And rather than while away my days on the couch or on the floor with monkeysaurus, I plan on committing to the following:

1. One hour of cardio daily (walking? sure...running, even better)
2. Work out opposing muscles every other day (flabby arms and back...then legs and junk in the trunk)
3. Abs every day

And as a bonus, I'm joining another mom and baby yoga class out here in suburbia. Annnnnd I'm going to venture on the many trails around here and do some major hikes this summer. I've been talking about hiking the Chief for G knows how long, so I better get' er done...and by done, I mean by August.

It's amazing how my mat leave is already over half way over and I really need to start taking advantage of all this free (with subjects) time I have. And get my butt back in gear -- the ultimate goal is to finally finish the damn Sun Run training schedule that I have never, in my seven years of running the Sun Run, completed fully. In typical me fashion, I quit running four weeks before the run and run it anyways. Usually resulting in the same time of 65ish minutes and OVEREXERTION to the point of wheezing for an ambulance at the finish line (true story to which a co-worker who crossed the finish line with me will never let me forget).

And so, after that little necessary deviation from my list, the following goals round out this wonderful goal list:

4. Practice yoga at least once a week
5. Go on at least 5 hikes in the surrounding area by August
6. Hike the Chief by August
7. Complete the sun run training schedule (after 7 years, it's time...)

Oh and my motivation? Energy to chase this little one who is days away from learning to crawl:

new babe in town

2010-05-13T19:42:00.001-07:00

We are happy to announce the arrival of little baby Ashton! He was born two Fridays ago and is the cutest little bean! We were so excited to go to the hospital right after he was born but we waited it out a bit to make sure his momma and poppa got enough time alone with him before the crowds arrived.

We arrived at the hospital and went up to the third floor where a proud Uncle Manuel stood, tired as ever from not sleeping during my sister-in-laws 48 hour labour (give or take a few hours). And there he was, all bundled up and asleep in his bassinet. Immediately, we saw a mini version of Manuel - although cuter :).

Here's Feli taking a peek:

And then pointing:

And then moving on to other things:

We didn't spent too much time at the hospital as we knew we would get to see him on a daily basis back at home. Yet, we've been casa cough and sneeze since last Monday that we really haven't had a chance to hang out with the little guy. I just held him for the first time tonight and he had his eyes open for a few seconds before falling into a mother's milk coma. Fun times ahead and soon Feli and Ashton will be getting into some crazy shenanigans together. I can't wait to see their little personalities shine in the coming months, years...

Note: I didn't include pics of Ashton as I'm not sure what his mom's stance is on this whole blog business. I'm sure it's okay but you know like, some people value their privacy. Not me - privacy schmivacy is what I say to that.

sick day(s)

2010-05-08T22:54:00.000-07:00

It's been a few days...of sniffling and coughing, sore throats that feel like swallowing knives...and a boatload of sneezing inclus with tissues all over the place. It's been good times at casa mia.

Felicia's first cold hit our house like a hurricane. She had been sleeping through the night for three weeks straight. She would fall asleep between 6 and 7 and wake up between 5:30 and 7am every night...it was so damn peaceful and I always woke up in awe...then would go into her room and give her a huge hug and thank her for giving me a good nights sleep. Then last Sunday, the baby monitor sang her cries at 1am in the morning. And so I got up and spent time with her, feeding, consoling and all that mom jazz. And then again at 3am, 4am, 5am and again at 7am. So began the week of sniffles and coughs. A trip to the ER, where we rocked her while we waited and turned back and went home when we had been waiting an hour already. Another trip to the doctor when we saw her temperature reached 37.5 (ahem...worry wart parents - we didn't know this is within the normal range).

Then I got sick when she started getting better and wanted me to have the energy that I usually do to skip around the kitchen and "jump around, jump around, jump up, jump up and get down" with her. All I wanted to do was sleep and rest...but I'm a mom now and so had to force myself to mom around. Make breakfast, play, make lunch, play, rock to sleep, make dinner, play, rock to sleep. And now Victor's sick so we are both taking turns taking naps throughout the day (when he's home) so we can sleep away this plague. It really sucks because it's been so damn nice out that all I've wanted to do was go outside for baby strolls, runs, walks to the park...but no go as I can barely muster the energy to boil hot water.

Next post coming - baby Ashton's arrival! Felicia's little cousin is finally here and was born on April 30th (lucky parents got $1500 from Sears because he arrived on the due date!). Sadly, I haven't even been able to hold him yet as we've been quarantined. Hopefully, I'll wake up feeling like a trillion bucks tomorrow -- doubtful but a girl can hope :)

working while on mat leave, cousin Ashton and holy crap, Felicia's already 6 months old

2010-04-29T21:00:00.000-07:00

I know, I know, it's a long post title but I couldn't think of a short title that summarized everything that's been going on in the last few days. First off, I've been doing a bit of work work, like for money and everything. And BALLS, it was probably the worst idea I've ever had...well, except for the getting paid part. It really made me realize that perhaps working from home with child is not a good idea. There is something to be said for going to an office to get away from home demands...and well, I actually don't want to get away from home demands because they are wrapped in sweetness and hugs and fits of laughter. Felicia being my one and only home demand (as everything else takes a back seat).

And so when the time came that I finished my little project, piles of laundry and dirty floors awaited me. As well as a patient little baby who is now SIX MONTHS old! I still can't believe little cha-cha has been in our lives for half a year already. It almost seems like she's all grown up. She sleeps 10 - 12 hours a night now straight through...rolls around the living room to keep herself busy...babbles like she's having a lengthy conversation with me...and laughs ridiculously at random things I say. Like today, as I was blowing bubbles into a glass of water, then would stop and say "bubbles!", she would break out in hysterics. All serious while studying the bubbles, then all out belly laugh. See here for another example of the cutest thing ever...this time, it began as I explained to her what I was eating for breakfast ("toast with peanut butter") and she thought I was a regular Jerry Seinfeld or something:

Anyways, in other news around here, my sister-in-law (who lives upstairs) is in labour. And has been since yesterday at 7-ish pm. She and my brother-in-law came down for dinner yesterday while she was having contractions and it was great fun (for us). I gave my brother-in-law a stopwatch so he could time their length and got him to write down the time lapse between each one...and we even began taking bets on when the next one would come. Thank goodness the contractions weren't that strong otherwise she would have punched us all out, I'm sure. After not sleeping all night, they are now at the hospital (holy goodness, it's already been 26 hours of labour). And so we wait patiently for cousin "Ashton". Everytime Victor's phone rings, I run into the living room to see what's going on...then I get waved away and make my way back to our room all crushed. I can't wait to meet the little guy who will practically be a brother to Felicia. So we wait...more news to come when the little guy decides to make an appearance.

where do you see yourself in five years?

2010-04-25T20:59:00.000-07:00

It's funny how life changes in an instant, a millisecond. For Victor and I, that change happened over a year ago. Last March to be exact. From one moment to the next, it became all about our near to distant future rather than whether to have rice or potatoes with the chicken that night. None of the immediate stuff mattered anymore.

It started with an inkling and led to a pregnancy test. We were all "pregnant?" then "pregnant!" to "holy shiz, are we ready?" to "ME? A mom/dad?". I had been having urges to bring a little one into this world mainly because I felt that it would be such a wonderful thing to experience with Victor...and how awesome, to give us an extra little companion for the rest of our lives! We had been together for 4 years and it was definitely moving closer and closer in that direction. We talked about it in passing...always saying that by 32, it would be in the cards. Here we are getting closer to those cards than we thought...a month prior to said cards actually:

Yet, when it was actually staring me in the face, I questioned whether I would make a good mother. It had been five years or more since I had completely buried myself in work whether it was my day-to-day all-consuming career, or my contract work on the side. Oh and the 1.5 hour workouts everyday that I became addicted to in early 2009. I was the type of person that took on WAY too much at once. So in a way, I thought, "bring it on!", and the fact that I had absolutely 1000% support and assurance from Victor didn't help...wait, or did?

And so three months passed and during those three months, my friends were there for me with reassuring voices. Wendy especially made me feel so confident in my upcoming mom-hood. And then Felicia started to move and kick and hiccup like nothing I could ever imagine. Every night, Victor and I would cuddle with the belly and wait for the rhythmic pitter patter of those hiccups. And despite feeling throw-uppy all the time, I really bonded with my little tummy companion. She became my light even before I met her. She gave me energy even when I was drained from all the sickness and big body lazyness. And when we finally met her, I couldn't believe how beautiful she was/is. And to this day, I can't get enough of her.

Actually, as soon as I put her to bed, I miss her. I almost feel like going into her room right now and waking her up just so we can hang out and cuddle. I'm pretty strict with the "never wake a sleeping baby rule" but goodness, sometimes I wish I wasn't. Okay, update, while writing this, I actually went into her room to re-adjust her blankets. Just part of the mommy double check duty...ahem.

And so how do I answer the question titling this post? Well now, five years brings me to Felicia's first year of Kindergarten or at least getting ready for it...soccer practice, yoga and dance lessons (SO CUTE)...buying a home...hopefully running a consulting business from said home...and living life with family and friends 70% of the time and working at something I love 30% of the time...oh and maybe five years from now, we'll have just come back from a family trip to Roatan...with the possibility of another monkey added to our clan...possibly.

And come to think of it, I guess not much has changed in my five year plan. Everything is just as I would've wanted it to be. And then some.

Anyways, parting thought...it's still hard to imagine that I'm a MOM...like I get a gift on mother's day and everything! Another #$%@^ card for Victor to buy every year...actually, I'm going to put in a request for homemade cards/gifts only :)

the munchkin patch

2010-04-23T12:11:00.000-07:00

And so, I present our little ladybugs humble abode (note: it's still unfinished, but it might be awhile before I get on it again):

Felicia snuck into this picture without my realizing it...

She thinks she's pretty funny:

And a gratuitous close-up:

And this time, I snuck up on her:

And a shot of the cute little love birds hanging on her closet knobs courtesy of Rawbean!

the poconos

2010-04-21T19:01:00.000-07:00

What a difference two weeks makes...we are now moved into our new place out in Port Coquitlam and are ABSOLUTELY loving it...emphasis on absolutely. I had no idea how green it was...and how "homey" it is...homey, homes. Our little homey loves it as well as she's now taken to sleeping 10 - 12 hours a night straight through without a peep or a meow.

It feels so good to have extra room to stretch out. I even have a big enough kitchen to dance around in. Bella (who we've now decided to call by her middle name - Felicia) will sit in her high chair and laugh at her crazy mom doing the vida loca while cutting up eggplant. It's pretty awesome. And her room! Fantastique if I say so myself! I'll have to post shots of it...it's not fully there yet but almost. And I would take pictures now but homes is fast asleep and will be until the early morn. 6am to be exact.

So a few days ago, I went for a run to check out the PoCo running scene, and I was surprised to see a ton of runners...and it was nice to run on trails and on not-so-busy streets. OH and I decided to sprint through the forest on my last jaunt and didn't notice, but my phone fell out of my pocket. I thought for sure it was gone...I went back and searched and searched then came back home and called my phone from Victor's phone...and a teenage girl answered and said she tried to find me after I dropped it but couldn't find me after coming out of the trees. So she rode her bike to where I was...such a sweetheart! I was SO relieved as we all know that your phone is basically and extension of your arm...I would be so lost and lopsided without it. Lesson learned here: zip up pockets while running. And loving the new neighbourhood with good wholesome people who care about my phone :)...although, highly likely the same would've happened in Vancouver...but I just like to liken PoCo to having that small town sentiment.

And so, now that we have internet service (installed today), regular posting will resume. And I'll post some pics of the new digs soon!

Suburbia

2010-04-05T20:45:00.001-07:00

Whew...it's been a pretty busy week. We're getting ready for a big move out to Port Coquitlam. We're moving in with my brother and sister-in-law as we need the extra space so our little bean can grow and toddle and all that jazz. Also, my sister-in-law Michelle is having her own little one in less than a month (my money is on April 17th even though her due date is April 30th). We are super excited for little "Ashton Mikota" to be born so Bella will have a playmate/cousin/partner-in-crime to chill with. Growing up, I always wished that I had family close by. It was only ever my parents, my brother and I. Bella will be lucky to have her cousin and aunt and uncle living just up the stairs from us in case she ever gets bored of mom and dad. Which better be never.

And so passed Bella's first Easter! Here we are all Easter-y:

And again, rolling with the theme of this post, we spent time in suburbia at the in-laws. We drove out to Langley quite early so we could get started on cooking up a pineapple glazed ham....my first ever! It turned out pretty good and I'm amazed at how easy it was...even though I undercooked the inside so shaved off the outside and put the uncooked parts back into the oven...forgetting it was there after about an hour. And yeah, burnt pineapple doesn't smell pretty. But all was well...there was enough ham to feed a farm...of ham eating animals? Anyways...

Being April 4th, Easter Sunday fell on my brother-in-law's (Manuel's) birthday. So in addition to Easter, we also had a birthday gettogether with the whole family over for a big dinner with too much food to fill our tum's. And Bella ate peas for the first time...we let my father-in-law feed her as he's been so eager (and sometimes has even tried to sneak her food behind our backs):

Can you tell she wasn't liking the peas much?

And oh, I can never get enough of these two together:

And this:

I know...cute overdose.

And so the rest of the weekend was spent cleaning our new place and running around like a madwoman smelling of bleach and baby puke. Good times I tell ya, good times. Oh and I can't forget a pic of my mom and Bella looking even more Easter-y (do you like my word make-upiosity?):

That's it for now - I better jump into bed so I get a good 4 hours sleep before Bella's 2am mommy and me time :)

Hope you all had a Happy Easter!

Rice cereal, dark chocolate and will this rain ever end?

2010-03-29T20:13:00.000-07:00

Today was such a blah day. I started out the day in a fairly good mood but as the weather darkened and the rain started pouring, I became more and more sour. And so my solution to a rainy day? Stay in and eat chocolate. Dark chocolate ofcourse. Since I don't do drugs or drink (well, on occasion...the drinking part I mean), my mood enhancer is a good dark chocolate. I typically buy the expensive stuff so that I stop myself from eating too much at once. My system didn't work too well today. But at least I felt better about the rain after my chocolate high and even ventured outside for a walk down to Commercial Drive for mint tea at Continental Cafe and a stroll through Wonderbucks.

And with little to no segue, yesterday was Bella's first time EVER eating...like with a real spoon and everything. Pretty exciting stuff for momma and poppa Bella Vida. It was only pasty white, bland rice cereal but she liked it, she really liked it! Proof positive:

And even more proof (warning - this is a loooong baby video...and I had major sniffly allergies so it may be a bit much for some...but really, I think it's the cutest thing ever if you just turn off the sound!):

Today is day two of Bella's introduction to food and I must say, I've never been so excited about making a bowl of cereal before. Well, maybe I have since I always dream about breakfast before falling asleep at night...but really, it's pretty much the most exciting thing ever. And look at her waiting in anticipation for that spoonful of goodness:

Oh and the pictures of Bella (promised in my previous post) taken at the shower (x 2) were not taken by me so it will be a while before I get any of them. And at one of the showers, the hostess used a non-digital camera. What the hell? I was handed the 35mm to take a couple of shots and felt like it was 1997 all over again. I'm no camera snob but let's all get with the 21st century shall we? She must be a number 7...not liking the rolling with change...hmmm, I wonder if I can fit numerology into every post...oh looks like I already have :)

Sleep at last...

2010-03-25T08:31:00.000-07:00

Finally, I'm catching some zzz's. I've discovered the secret to sleep: the swaddle. Actually, it's more of a re-discovery than a new development. We swaddled her as a newborn but stopped because apparently Bella hates having her arms wrapped up. HOWEVER, and here's the major discovery, she will sleep for over 7 hours straight if they are. So BOOYA for swaddling!

And so we've been out and about because now I'm well-rested and enjoying the weather we've had in the last little while. We had another play date on Tuesday, this time with Harrison. An old friend of mine (Bobbi) from elementary school/high school came to town from Toronto and brought her 4 month old. Surprise surprise, we were pregnant at the exact same time last year! Only two weeks apart, Harrison and Bella checked each other out for a few hours while Bobbi and I ate seafood and antipasti at Provence along the seawall. There wasn't much play during the play date as it was chilly out and not good weather to take the munchkins out of their strollers. And Bella was sleeeeeepy so there was a lot of zzz's. Here's a shot of Bella taking a snooze:

Arms up in typical Bella style.

And here she is saying "cheese" while chillin' with Harry:

That's all I have for now as I have to get ready for another play date with Aria and a baby shower this afternoon. I'll have to post more pics of baby B hanging out with the chicas at the shower :)

And I'll have to re-cap ANTM later...although I don't have much to say other than it was cheeeeeezy! That Fab Bus segment was uber corny. And thank goodness the show is only an hour now. I couldn't handle the extra half hour of forcing myself to stay awake to watch panel. Complaints complaints. I know..."stop watching then" but I just can't. I can't do it. I'm an addict. I need help.

How do I feel...

2010-03-22T10:17:00.000-07:00

About church. Growing up with a catholic mother and an atheist father, I've always been a bit confused about religion. Sort of middle of the road, ambiguous...je ne sais quoi. The trinity and resurrection on the one hand and the practicality of evolution on the other.

My dad used to take my brother and I on long hikes as kids. We'd stop for lunch or the like and he'd unharness his rock pick (as a geologist, a must-have) and pick away at rocks of interest. I would say "Dad, if you don't believe in God, then what do you believe in?". And he'd say "I believe in this" holding up a rock, steady and sure in his hands. His beliefs weren't popular with my friends. "The world formed from a rock" I used to say.

"And it didn't happen in 7 days" I added. Then we'd go on to play after a bit of "No, God made the world".

I would go to church with my mom and get bored. I would keep myself busy by counting hats or black shoes. Stand up, sit down, kneel, stand up again. Those tight white mary janes always itchy and scabby after. After mass, I would run through the back hallways with other kids and play tag or hide n' seek or kick the can, while my mom had tea and cookies with friends in one of the backrooms. The priest was always funny.

And so I began to question religion. And continue to do so despite feeling a sort of beauty in it. Faith. Unquestioned and certain. Spirituality having your back forever.

Yesterday, my mom convinced me to bring Bella to the Anglican/Catholic church. Bella was to be presented to the church in a "presentacion" (said quickly and beautifully in Spanish). We went up to the front of the church, Bella in my arms and my parents at my sides (yes, my dad goes to church once in a while in support of my mom). The priest blessed Bella after reading a psalm in Spanish. La bendicion. Afterwards, my moms friends were there taking pictures and fawning over Bella and it felt good. The community of church. Everyone friendly and mingling, smiling and in good nature in the basement of the church. Tea and cookies and friendly conversation. Bella started to cry when she was placed in one too many strangers arms and so we left after thanking the priest.

And so now I begin the process of deciding whether to have Bella baptized. Some say "why not?" and other say "why?". And I am stuck in the middle. Leaning more towards the why not, I think of community and friends, togetherness and faith in life and others. The spirit having her back forever. And that's a good thing.

Vaccines, Playmats and Next Top Model post #2

2010-03-18T08:00:00.000-07:00

Bella's dreaded 4 month vaccinations were yesterday. We were hoping and praying that this time Bella didn't have a screaming fit from muscle pain like she did at 2 months...and thank goodness, Bella screamed only when the needle went in (twice) and then was laughing and happy for the rest of the afternoon.

Before her shots, we went out and bought her a new playmat because firstly, I thought that she MUST be getting bored of staring at the same toys every single day for 4 months. And secondly, we felt bad about the shots and wanted her to not hate us. So we were super excited to put her on her new mat when we got home...we ripped that packaging apart and put Bella on her new mat...and felt like kids again, it was like waiting to see a parents reaction to a hokey gift you gave them. Immediately, she hated it...cried and wriggled around and didn't even want to look at the new toys. What the hell? So I picked her up and let her look at her new mat from afar. She stared in wonderment at it and even smiled...so I put her down again. But nope, tears and wriggling. Again with the numerology, number 7's apparently don't like change and need slow transitions to new surroundings. So we put her old toys on her new mat...result: a few tears then breakthrough! She put one of the new toys in her mouth then smiled:

So the new playmat is here to stay :)

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And now onto more frivolous things: ANTM. I couldn't have been more wrong. My girl Gabrielle is gone, and Naduah (who I found super annoying but nonetheless thought would be a contender to win) didn't make it through the final judging panel. And so now I'm thinking Raina might win...her picture was definitely "fierce".

Could that word be any more annoying? Wow, I love how I've used the word annoying at least 5 times in this and my last ANTM post and yet I continue to watch.

Anyways, what is up with Ren? Is heroine chic back in fashion? That's her on the left.

This girl here is definitely not a fan.

That's all I have for now.

Wanted: Sleep

2010-03-17T07:52:00.000-07:00

Seeking at least 5 hours straight of uninterrupted sleep. Will settle for 4 if 5 is not available. Offering infinity plus 1 dollars...or infinity plus a hundred hugs and kisses for babies such as the one keeping me up at night. If said baby goes back to sleeping 6 hours straight, I will also include 100 days of books, songs and funny faces.

Play Dates and Next Top Model

2010-03-13T09:03:00.000-08:00

Well, well. Bella has already become quite the flirt. We went to meet little Tristan who, by the way, is much too young for little Bellita (one month her junior). And Bella was reaching out to touch his face when we weren't looking:

(Incidentally, Victor and I only noticed this while looking at the pictures up close last night.)

Immediately, when we put the two babies close together, Bella reached out to grab his hands:

She definitely loves the boy babes :)

I couldn't believe how big Tristan is at 3 months...he's 16 lbs vs. Bella's measly 11 pounds at 4 months. I bet that's why Liliana has such cut arms with 2 boys to tote around.

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On a completely unrelated note, I started watching America's Next Top Model this week. I began to think, am I too old to watch this show? The girls keep getting younger and younger and more annoying meanwhile I grow older and more annoyed. I could just be getting crotchedy in my old age, although, I doubt I'll stop watching. I'm still obsessed with this show even after almost what, ten years of being on the air? It's the transformation factor that fascinates me. I love a good makeover and this show is all about the makeover. With a bit of competitive cattiness in the mix. This makes for good tv.

I love little crazy-hair Gabrielle although I bet Naduah or Raina will win. Oh and I had a moment of disgust for the producers of the show when they panned on Danielle, the pierced girl, crying after losing the first round of cuts, and unbeknownst to her, showing her underwear (or no underwear? huh?). How humiliating. Was she not insecure enough, now she's going to see this and feel even worse about herself. Yet low and behold, I kept watching despite my disgust. I should write them a letter.

Little Yogi

2010-03-11T15:36:00.000-08:00

I've been told by two very spiritual people in the peripheries of my life that Bella will be a spiritual soul. A number 7 in numerology, Bella will apparently be very earthly and centered. As much as I want to be, I'm by no means a major follower of numerology nor do I put much thought into spirituality. However, I already feel Bella's calming power...her mellow, happy moods and wonderment of this world.

For this reason (and also because I darn well need to lose the final ten pounds of this baby weight), I have been taking her to yoga. It's now the third class in a row that I've taken her to and she has become a major yoga fan. She loves to watch me and other mommies go through the sun salutations, and ofcourse, likes to watch the other babies around the room.

As the moms all came together to chat and introduce our babes, two mothers were chatting offside about how beautiful and calm Bella is. I heard them as I was chatting to another mother and at that point, one of the moms came over to mention to me that Bella "is so mellow!". Bella spent the entire class in awe of my fluid movements and of the other babies smiles and cries. Calm and cool, a little drool and then it was time to go home.

And off we went to grandma/abuelita's house where the mellow disappeared and out came the tantrum! Bella wouldn't stop crying for almost an hour! I was all "where's the mellow now?" She's pretty well-rounded, that's for sure: a time to laugh, a time to cry.

And I leave you with a pic of little yogi relaxing with her grandma after a tough yoga session:

Dear Bella: 4 months and 1 Day

2010-02-28T14:50:00.000-08:00

Today you are four months young. Four months of living in this world and brightening every day of our lives. And it's amazing how every day, you show us something new that you didn't do before. Like this:

We just can't get enough of your hearty laugh and are constantly meowing at you and trying to scare you with a loud "Boo" because we know you think it's the funniest thing ever. I just can't handle it! I don't think we've ever laughed as hard as when we first discovered your laugh!

Labour of Love

2010-02-19T22:21:00.000-08:00

So I think now is a good time to relive my labour story, almost 4 months after the fact.

My original due date was November 6th, 2009. However, little monkey was born a week early, on October 31st. I had saved up all my vacation days and went off work on October 16th, thinking I would have three weeks to put my feet up and relax, go for walks and just generally pamper myself. That was a bit tough considering that I was always sick and pukey. But I was able to spend a bit of time watching good ol' daytime tv and reading on the days leading up to the big day. Incidentally, I think the last book I finished before giving birth was Obama's "The Audacity of Hope". And the last crap show, probably "The Hills".

So there I was, Friday night, October 30th. Waddling around and feeling queasy as usual, Victor and I decided to trek out to his parents place in Langley. His mom arrived home from work and cooked dinner for us...I told her I could only eat salad. She threw in a plate full of brussel sprouts on the side for me as she knew I loved them. My dinner consisted of greens, greens and more greens. In the midst of dinner, I said "I bet the next time you see me, I'll have a baby in my arms". Everyone, including my OB, was predicting a Halloween baby.

We made the drive home and I felt good for once! The light dinner was just what I needed apparently. Victor and I went to sleep around 12pm and I awoke at 5am with a huge urge to fart...yes, I said fart in my blog. But low and behold, the consistent gas pains (or so I thought) that were lasting about half a minute and coming every 5 minutes-ish, were not actually gas pains. So by 5:30am, I woke Victor saying "Baby! I think I'm having contractions!". We waited it out and timed each contraction. Victor was so eager to call the "doctor hotline" at Women's hospital but I thought we should wait it out in case it was actually just gas pains. But by 6:30am, those were definitely no damn gas pains! I called my mom and she came over quickly with my dad in tow. My dad kept jotting down everytime I had a contraction in his trusty nerd notepad. I sat on the couch, moaning "mmmmmmmmmmmmm" through every pain. Dr. Georgia Hunt was on call that morning and suggested I eat breakfast and have a bath before coming to the hospital. So I ate oatmeal, had a few cups of chamomile tea and had a bath and puked everything up before getting in the car at 1 minute long contractions every 5 minutes.

We drove along 33rd Avenue and had to stop near the cemetery so I could puke up more chamomile tea. Not the right choice of beverage...note: remember this for next time.

We made it to the hospital in record time and I was admitted immediately. Victor went in search of something for me to drink. He went down to the vending machines with Dr. Hunt and brought back Nestea iced tea. TOO SWEET. *puke*. I lay on my side on the admitting room bed feeling dehydrated and drained. They finally brought me into my delivery room and hooked me up to the IV to alleviate my dehydration. Despite this, I drank iced water to at least give me something to puke up! I finally started feeling better (despite the contractions).

My mom and Victor sat around with me, holding my hand during every contraction. As the contractions got worse, I was given laughing gas...which definitely did not mean laughter and good times. It really helped though...really numbed the pain for a little while. As the pain got worse, the nurse asked me if I had thought about any pain medications. She began to push the epidural on me! I was in a vulnerable state and caved easily -- she then called Dr. Hunt down to approve it. Dr. Hunt had asked me about my birth plan earlier and knew I wanted it to be as natural as possible. So to distract me, she said "why don't you get in the shower and see if that helps alleviate the pain for a bit. If not, we'll order the epidural". I refused at first but was convinced after a bit of further suggestion. After my water broke at 11am, I got in the shower as my mom sprayed me with deliciously hot water. I kept the lauging gas by my side and took a big puff of it every time a contraction began as my mom sprayed my belly. I started to sing "Feeling Good" by Nina Simone, all deep and low. I sang for about a half hour as I sat on the ball in the shower but then had enough. At one point, my mom said to Victor "you're lucky you never have to feel this pain" and Victor ACTUALLY said "this one time, I had a nail go through my finger". That was a good "ARE YOU KIDDING ME" moment to keep me entertained. By one o'clock, I was ready, no not ready, I HAD to push. The nurse said "Not yet!!! Wait!" as she scrambled for all her tools and called Dr. Hunt to make her way back to the room.

After trying to push while squatting beside the bed, my legs got tired so I lay back on the bed. The nurse began to explain to me that I shouldn't moan while pushing...she told me to hold my breath and push as hard as I can three times, then breathe and do it all over again. I tried her method to no avail and thank goodness, Dr. Hunt arrived and a new nurse came on while the other went off shift. Dr. Hunt told me to push however felt best for me. She said that the no breathing technique was "old school". And...not to brag or anything :)...she even said "you should think about teaching prenatal classes, your technique is very calming". And so I continued moaning and had the nurse and my mom push my legs back at every contraction so I could push. I pushed, with Victor behind me, holding my hand as I grabbed him with all my strength and moaned that baby out of me! Dr. Hunt grabbed a mirror so I could see my little angels head appearing! I also saw something I hope to never see again, my bumhole was inside out! Get that mirror away!

Agata had walked in the door before my second to last contraction and watched as I pushed two more times and voila! Little Bella made her first ever appearance in this world! She was so tiny!

And the first thing I said was "That wasn't so bad! I could do this again!". I was just happy that I didn't poop on the table! And all of sudden, madly in love. I asked if I could breastfeed right away as it seemed that Bella was searching out my nipple. She snacked and looked so amazingly cute. I couldn't believe she was mine! In a major state of euphoria...I started calling and texting everyone as my sweet angel lay in my arms. We were amazed at how quiet she was...the doctor assured us that wouldn't last...and it didn't.

Here's Victor trying to put socks on her little feet:

It took three days of staying in the hospital (with preclempsia and major blood clotting) before I finally had even a wink of sleep at home at my parents. It was only two hours but those were a well-needed two hours of sleep!

2010 Hype and Hoopla

2010-02-12T16:39:00.000-08:00

Here we are. After almost 7 years of waiting for the Olympics, they're finally here. Bella age check: 3 months and 2 weeks. As much as I am opposed to spending billions of dollars for two weeks of city-wide lockdown, I was curious to see what the downtown core would look and feel like on Day 1 of Vancouver 2010. So I packed up little Bella banana:

and took to the skytrain. Expecting a crowd at the station, I was surprised to see only a handful of people waiting for the downtown train. We got on a fairly vacant train and made our way to Burrard station. The train started to fill up at Broadway and I noticed that the two groups of people around me were not from Vancouver but rather from elsewhere in Canada...the woman and her husband (with little baby bean in a carrier) said out loud "oh this must be where Expo 86 was"...something any Vancouverite would be well conscious of. Another group of kids oohed and aahed at the waterfront view at False Creek. I felt so proud to call this my city! Bella stared out the window, taking in all the sights, also in awe but mainly because her eye focus has by now fully developed. It's been about 4 weeks since she's really been able to take in all the sights and she stares with wonder and amazement of everything.

We made it to Burrard station and I noticed the throngs of people, mainly clad in patriotic red, walking up and down Burrard. As Wendy said over the phone earlier that day "it's such a historic moment!" We made our way back to the skytrain and got off at Main St. Science World. I thought that Science World would make for a great back-drop for a picture. I asked an Olympic volunteer to take pictures of Bella and I, joining in in all the hoopla:

We took a few pics and then trekked back home, happy to have witnessed the first day of the Olympics. We might even attend some of the free events around town now that I know that the commute won't be as crazy as it was hyped up to be.

Dear Bella: Your First Christmas

2009-12-30T10:02:00.000-08:00

I always loved big Christmas gatherings...always wished for them as I got older as it was only ever your grandparents, Frank and I. And with your dad's family, you will now always have a big family-filled Christmas to look forward to.

We spent your first Christmas at my parents. Grandma invited friends over and it was generally good times.

We relaxed by the fire, ate a nice turkey dinner prepared El Salvadoran style by your grandpa. I asked that we open gifts before midnite mass as I wasn't sure if I could stay up that late.

You were a lucky girl, spoiled with all the wrapping papered goodies sitting under the tree. I was your Christmas assistant, hired to open gifts and oooh and ahhh for you. I ask that you pay me in smiles and coos :)

You now have teddy bears galore lining your crib....clothes to allow you 6 changes a day for weeks (oh how we women love to have options!)...the cutest pair of faux Ugg boots from Elba and Adonay. Grandma Carmen and Grandpa Sean got you a cute little hippo outfit as well as your first Christmas onesie. Auntie Wendy got you "Violet", a teddy bear that says your name and favourite things!

After opening gifts, everyone left for midnite mass except your dad, grandpa, Frank and I. We put you to sleep at 12 finally and you slept until 5am!!! A five hour sleep session -- a first! All the Christmas activities must have wiped you out!

The next day, your grandpa and I decided to postpone our Christmas Day tradition of xcountry skiing and re-scheduled for Jan 2 (I can't wait until you can join us!). So, we packed up our things and trekked out to Langley for Christmas with Grandpa Victor and Grandma Lucia. As soon as we arrived, I left with your fur-brother Figo for a run as you settled in with Dad.

When we got back, we gave Jaiden his Christmas gifts including a mini-laptop...or as he says "COMPUTA". He loved to open it up, push all the buttons then slam the screen down.

Here you are with Bisavo Genoveva...is someone a little cranky?

Here you are with Avo Victor as he held you in his arms and laughed as you tried to talk to him. "Ohhhh" you said.

We put you to bed at your Avos at 11:30pm and you slept soundly until 4am :). A good 4.5 hours!

All in all, your first Christmas was joy-filled. Your dad and I got to spend it with our favourite person in the whole wide world!

Doctor Doctor

2009-12-21T21:17:00.000-08:00

Funny how poo becomes a big topic in our daily lives now. Texture, colour, smell, blast radius. We took Bella to two doctors today to get a diagnosis on her poo among other things. Everythings good and in working order thank heavens.

While waiting in the waiting room at Dr. Hadad's, we witnessed a five alarm tantrum by a 3 year old. It was so bad that doctor's from adjoining offices came out to see what was going on. I turned to Victor and said "look what we have to look forward to". I tried not to get annoyed knowing full well that we may have to deal with these kind of adventures when Bella gets older. But I couldn't help but cringe. The father of this shrieking child remained calm and read a magazine as his son battled it out by kicking the coffee table in the room and pushing over a chair. I had a "WWJD" moment...but replace Jesus with "I". Wouldn't it make sense to give the kid the attention he is seeking, give a little love? We all have our ways to deal I guess and we all have to deal with surrounding judgments, like mine.

Anyways, as said kid kicked his dad in the shins, I looked over at Bella as she had "poo push" face...she made us both laugh among the shrieking tension in the room.

Dear Bella: One day, two day, red fish, blue fish

2009-12-21T00:05:00.000-08:00

As time passes, I've begun to regret my decision to name you Bella. Well, not regret but rather have become "disenchanted". In the pit of my stomach I think I should have named you Nena. Nena, after your aunt, slang for girl in Spanish. So feminine... so simple...so sweet. Much more meaning to me than Bella which came to me as you lay on my chest and looked so damn beautiful. And so, because it is too late and I don't want to cause any sort of identity crisis for you in the future, I will call this blog la Nena. nenanenanenanenanena. If I can convince your dad that it's not crazy to change your name 7 weeks in, then maybe later on in life you will read this with NL as your initials and be glad that Bella is no longer your name...Bella suits you - but Nena means more to me. And this I have told your dad countless times. I can pretty much convince him of anything so I just have to really decide whether I want to go through the process of changing your name...and highlight my indecisiveness to all the Leonardo's.

It's amazing how immediately you have become my favourite person in this world. I want to spend every waking moment with you in my arms. Today, I held you on my chest as you slept...and my nose itched. For not wanting to disturb your angelic sleep, I tried to scratch my nose by scrunching up my face. For you, I will scrunch my face to scratch an itch. Today, I changed your diaper almost 10 times. For you, I will clean a poo explosion surprise (your specialty) with a smile on my face...waiting for your return smiles as I wipe your little bum with love.

Today, you learned to reach and grab onto things. I was in awe of you as I watched you pull down the play mat arc above your head. Each time, you would look at me and smile as I lay beside you cheering you on. You also pulled on my hair with both hands as I walked you from the bedroom to the living room. I kissed you a million times for it.

And last night, at Ingrid and Edgar's Christmas dinner, you found your thumb for the first time. As aunts and uncles and greatgrandparents told me to pull it out of your mouth, I protested and wanted to take a picture. I called Victor and he watched you with as much excitement as me. "No way" he said. "Way" you said as you lightly sucked on it as you slept.

You also held your bottle up today with both hands. Hooray Bella/Nena/Felicia!

I ran to grab the camera and captured the moment a bit late, as the bottle fell from your itty bitty hands:

Thank you Bella (for now) for making me focus on the little things in life. For taking a step back from the mad rush of life to cheer you on while you grow. Money worries and body issues are out the window as I stare into your eyes and witness every little accomplishment. You have shown me how to "live in the moment" and I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.

meu nome e

2009-11-26T21:06:00.000-08:00

What's in a name? Mi nombre es? Does a name predict who we will become?

During my teenage years, I considered my name a "mom" name...Linda plain and simple. White bread plain in the English language. In Spanish, Leeeeenda. Pretty. Cute. So much more to the name. So much more special. My husband and I struggled with the perfect name for our daughter. My first intuition was Stella. Victor loved it (although he began the name discussion with "Victoria"...haha funny). The 9 month-long argument included these wonderful gems...also included are the reasons they were eliminated...or chosen...what a deliberation:

Stella (strong contender...but Stella...steeeeeella!)

Alexis (Victor didn't like)

Isabella (too long...Victor says no)

Alexa (sister-in-law's cats name)

Sofia (too "golden girls")

Natalie (loved it...Victor not liking the "English" sounding names...Natalia? too Italian!)

Nena (my favourite aunts name...pronunciation Nina...foresaw pronunciation problems)

Mia (strong contender...but in-law's laughed at the meaning in Portuguese...Mia equals the cat's meow in Portuguese...I was defiant and wanted to name her this nonetheless but the moment our glittering baby girl was placed on my chest, I saw a Bella, a beauty. I said her name aloud and she opened her eyes for the first time. And so Bella it was).

Felicia (chosen as a middle name...Feliz! Happy! Content! Jose Feliciano - "I want to wish you a merry chrrristmas!" also my make-believe name as a child)

Ah...the list went on...but we settled on Bella Felicia. Beautiful Happy! Sounds like the name of the nail salon down the street. Beautiful Happy Nails. Nonetheless, we love it. From plain and simple Linda, came pretty/cute to beautiful happy. Improve much?

a new dawn...a new day...a new life for me

2009-11-21T05:54:00.000-08:00

"Feeling Good" by Nina Simone. I sing this song everyday to my sweet angel...new to this world, it reminds her of being in the womb. Of the day she made an appearance, I sat limp in the shower singing and humming this tune while my mother sprayed me, all love filled and in awe.

Birds flying high
You know how I feel
Sun in the sky
You know how I feel
Breeze driftin' on by
You know how I feel
It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
For me
And I'm feeling good

Fish in the sea
You know how I feel
River running free
You know how I feel
Blossom on a tree
You know how I feel
It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
For me
And I'm feeling good

Dragonfly out in the sun you know what I mean, don't you know
Butterflies all havin' fun you know what I mean
Sleep in peace when day is done
That's what I mean
And this old world is a new world
And a bold world
For me

Stars when you shine
You know how I feel
Scent of the pine
You know how I feel
Oh freedom is mine
And I know how I feel
It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
For me

And I'm feeling good

- by Nina Simone

Love and marriage go together with a baby carriage

2009-11-15T07:24:00.000-08:00

A lot has happened since I last posted. I've reached two major lifetime milestones in just 9 short months...the first being Victor and I now have a beautiful little girl named Bella (Banana Peanut Boo Boo Monkey). The second, our marriage that had been planned for September 12, 2009 was moved up a little early to May 30 (I was not a fan of being 7 months pregnant at my wedding).

I wanted so badly to post while pregnant however, I was pukes mcgee for all nine months and had no energy other than to go to work, puke, then come home and sleep. I spent many long days at work, running back and forth to the bathroom while working against major deadlines. It left me little to no "get up and go" when I got home. So Victor would cook me dinner (if I could stomach it), I would throw up, then fall asleep around 7pm. Good times. But THANK GOODNESS for the hormonal forcefield of my little one, Victor and I now have a beautiful, healthy baby girl who fills our life with so much joy. I mean, life was getting to be a little monotonous without a little monkey to fawn over!

too much of anything...

2009-02-04T21:26:00.000-08:00

Hi friend. It's been a little while. I've been in fitness lock-down lately and now sit in front of my laptop doing crunches rather than waxing poetic about my daily exploits.

You see, I've been inspired. I have taken my gym workouts to a new level beyond any level I've ever achieved. And as I sit here, sweaty from the mother of all workouts, I start to wonder if it's having any effect other than taking me away from the things I love. For example: life. I have little energy for anything anymore. I go to work, come home, eat, workout, shower, sleep. Daily. It's bordering on obsessive actually. Could I be addicted to exercise? Is that even a thing?

In any case, I'm thinking of taking it down a notch. It's bordering on excessive. I must say though, I feel good because I'm finally fitting into my old clothes...but goodness me, the path to feeling fit shouldn't be this all consuming.

On another note, I had a major WTF moment at work today. You see, a co-worker, who works fairly close (in proximity) to me, speaks on the phone every so often in another language. Everytime I hear him speaking it, I listen intently trying to figure out what language it is. Sounds a bit Germanic, a tinge Swedish. Anyways, so my fellow co-workers were also curious and the ballsy one of us got up as soon as he got off the phone and said "where are you from?". He answered "Vancouver" and chuckled to himself. So Tammy, said co-worker, delved deeper -- "what language were you speaking just now?". He got a little flustered and replied "oh, that's a made-up language...my buddies and I speak it to each other". What the hell? Apparently, he and his friends created this language when they were in high school and now they speak it to each other everytime they're together.

I just can't wrap my head around it. He HAS to be joking. But my boss went and tried to find out more and found out that one of the "buddies" manages all the words. The more she dug, the more I could tell it wasn't a joke. I'm completely fascinated and weirded out by the entire thing. It's pretty cool and insanely bizarre at the same time. I can't decide. Has anyone else ever heard of this? Making up an entire language? BANANAS.

random tidbit no. 1

2008-12-26T19:45:00.000-08:00

Today I said "aw nuts!" when I got stuck in the snow. And then I laughed at myself for saying "aw nuts".

I haven't abandoned you yet...

2008-12-26T18:10:00.000-08:00

It's obvious that I'm falling back into the same old pattern. Lacking a bit of consistency as with any venture I initiate. So my new year's resolution, which will begin today, is to be more consistent, persistent and master the "follow-through" with posting...and just in general.

I have a great excuse for not posting in a while...all these wonderful holiday festivities. Well, not so much wonderful actually. Christmas at the Salsero house is a bit chaotic....there's a lot of yelling going on between my brother and I and then my mom chimes in with a big latin scolding. We get a lot of arm waving and rolling of the rrrrs. A lot of "puchica" and "que barbaridad!", each of which is loosely translated to "my goodness" and "how barbaric!"...when all we would be doing is arguing about how disgusting my brother is when he eats. I feel like a child everytime I step into my parents place...and I subconsciously start to act like one.

Christmas just didn't seem like Christmas this year. Everyone seems to be on edge lately. Lenny and I spoke over the phone a few times on Christmas Eve (we both spend the night at our respective parents on Christmas Eve...and then have Christmas together on Christmas Day) and every time, someone was yelling in the background. I would ask "who's yelling now?" and he would answer non-chalantly with "my grandpa, dad, brothers, mom and uncle". Maybe it's not that everyone's on edge actually because this is pretty typical at any of our family gatherings. Is the yelling a latin thing? Or is this culturally non-specific? I'm only half-latin but I notice that my dad (the non-latin half of the family) keeps quiet.

Christmas Day was a lot more calm. I always have a great story about male gift giving...or more specifically Lenny's infamous gift buying disability.

So Lenny gave me what he gets me every year. It started like this:

It gets better:

Imagine this card with some cash inside and you'll experience my surprise every year. It never ceases to amaze me. Well, at least the card is always different.

I have to say, it doesn't bother me much because I'm a hard person to buy for. I can even feel the tension building when he asks me "what do you want for Christmas?" So I always say "don't worry about it...whatever". But he does worry because he's gifted some real losers at the beginning of our relationship (tight red mini skirt, gold old lady watch, umbrella, the Swiffer). He agonizes and then on the 24th, he gives up and runs to the ATM...and then to London Drugs to pick up a funny card. It's actually kind of endearing. It really makes Christmas funny. And Christmas isn't usually described as funny...for me at least (see above).

science fair anyone?

2008-12-09T19:07:00.000-08:00

Do you remember the fun and excitement of the grade school science fair? I remember it fondly. It was great innocent fun - the brainstorm...the secretiveness of it all...the suspense and giddiness the night before.

I wasn't overly inventive...I never won a ribbon but it was definitely good times. One year, my best friend and I decided to see which battery would last the longest - Duracell or Energizer. Our methods to drain the batteries in our flashlights didn't work out too well and the night before the judging, neither of our batteries had died yet...so we had to fudge the results.

Ahhh...the deception...now that I think back, I think on more than one occasion I made up the results because I left it until the last minute. Sounds like my university career. Maybe that's why I've gone into marketing...BS is my forte?

In other news, check out this cool craigslist-type site: http://www.etsy.com/
I found some great handmade gifts...and supported local artists! Do it, it makes you feel good.
An old friend of mine has some pretty cool quirky stuff for sale:
http://www.etsy.com/shop.php?user_id=5531135

Wow - I'm turning 30 on Thursday and I didn't even post about it. Well, I guess I just did. And even found an appropriate picture.

Actually this picture isn't at all appropriate...it was just funny for a split second. Almost everyone I know has reassured me that 30 was the best year of their life...and I'm excited about the prospect. Just a little uneasy about leaving the good ol' 20's...it's been by my side for 10 good years. Well, it's not leaving me...that 20 year old with uneasy footing and puzzled faith is still in there somewhere. She's just growing up.

nothing to blog about

2008-12-02T19:00:00.000-08:00

I've sat here trying to think of something to write about and kept coming up with nada. So I decided to pull a random quote from whatever random book I picked out of my bookshelf. This is what the universe chose for me to blog about:

"All favorable environments, all facilities for human life tend to make man more sedentary".

Say what? Okay...easy enough. Comfort leads to laziness. Hmmmm. I can roll with this.

How timely as I sit on my couch surrounded by a big ol' favourable environment: my living room, the television at its helm; sweats warming up my skin; popcorn in my mouth; and a laptop at my fingertips. The comforts that are leading to my post-work couch potato tendencies, my lack of social events throughout the week and my expanding waistline. Are these facilities for human life? Not really. Luxuries? Hmmm debatable...more like necessities of my generation (minus the popcorn).

Should these comforts be limited? No, I should be able to self-regulate. I'm not very good at it but I always have that option. I have a few friends that don't have television and they don't seem more nor less productive than me. And everyone eats and everyone computes. Moderation is key.

The author of the above quote did not intend this message for such trivial issues such as getting your butt to the gym...the author being none other than Che Guevara.

In the randomly chosen book, at the randomly chosen page, Che then goes on to talk about guerilla warfare and how common day comforts lead to nomadism for a true revolutionary. Blink...blink.

Yes, I get it, comfort leads to apathy. And Che wants us to know that a true revolutionary feels trapped in comfort. They squirm to release themselves from leisure, always seeking the difficult road.

Conclusion: a true revolutionary I am not. I just want to go to the gym every once in a while and on occasion, overthrow the comfort of my couch...not the government (the opposition is already doing that).

All in all though, I should keep an eye on my apathy level. Don't want it to reach 100% without my realizing it. You never know when you could use some cranked up guerilla spirit. Like when discussing immigration with "ignorant rabid Canadians"*.

* Thanks to you Maria, I now have an excellent way of describing this crew.

the sinful cake

2008-11-30T22:18:00.000-08:00

I was so excited to have tea and dessert at my friend Wendy's house tonight. We had planned it since the middle of the week and I was in charge of choosing the dessert. So after grocery shopping yesterday, I stopped by a local bakery...well, a bakery in City Square Mall actually, which doesn't say much. I picked out the cutest "Sinful Chocolate Cake"...and it was heart-shaped which was kind of silly but I just went with it.

I arrived at Wendy's tonight with cake in hand, very proud of my selection. It even had a little santa claus ornament on it.

After eating some appetizers, we opened the cake box and oohed and aahed for a few minutes...then dug right in. I had been thinking about the cake all night and was ready for some sinful deliciousness. Wendy was in awe of the gooey chocolatey taste and I think even said "this is the best cake I've ever had" and I followed that with "do you taste mould?" I kept eating it just to make sure my taste buds weren't fooling me....and I think I devoured a huge chunk of green mould that was sitting in the middle of my piece. Blech. I actually can't even walk down memory lane, it was so disgusting. I really wish I took a picture of the greeney/white fuzz in the middle of cake. It was mad.

Fortunately, Wendy did not get a piece near the mould and dodged that bacterial bullet. I, on the other hand, quickly Googled "eating mould bad" and this is what I found out:

"Mold is bacteria which can be very harmful to your body. It eats at your insides and it never digests. Make sure you use the bathroom or vomit to get it out."

Weirdly enough, that's twice this week that I've ingested mould. Can't be good.

kiwis and other random stuff

2008-11-22T12:04:00.000-08:00

I just found out that I can eat kiwis again. I couldn't be happier! I was so happy that I went out and bought a huge bag of them and just polished off 3. I'm feeling a mild allergic reaction but I'm willing to suffer a bit for that green, juicy, seedy goodness!

And did you know that kiwis have a ton of vitamin C? I didn't. Bonus because I think I'm seriously lacking vitamin C or D because my skin has been getting paler and paler. So I'm pumping up the nutrient value in my alimentation over the drab winter months.

In other news, I was at the gym yesterday, watching CNN on the widescreen tv in front of the treadmill, and felt a surge of energy while I watched the newscast on Obama's proposed cabinet. I ran like the Dickens as I watched Hillary and Barack chatting it up on the executive plane. I watched in admiration, in awe and with exhiliration. I don't think you can even dream of a better group of people to lead a country in a period of economic hysteria. Visionaries and humanitarians. That's what this world needs in place of realists who want to tighten their belts and cut the fat. People are the culprits and the victims of the economy. We need leaders who will regulate corporate action, inspire change and nurture heavily impacted citizens.

Obama is an orator, with a love for discussion rather than argument or undemocratic action. He's a true liberal democratic. And this really invigorates me.

From kiwis to Obama...haphazard? No, just two positive developments that are making this day a really good one!

Saturday night at the inlaws

2008-11-17T20:26:00.000-08:00

It was Lenny's nephews birthday party on Saturday and I was in cute heaven. It was Jaiden's first birthday and I have to say he is the cutest thing I have ever seen. Everyone says he looks just like Lenny and not so much like his dad:

Awww....I could've stared at him forever but he turned around and lightly bit me!

I was excited when Jaiden's mom, Maria, asked me to look after him before the party. I was charged with looking after him for an hour...only an hour...while Lenny's parents cooked and Maria drove to Burnaby to pick up her sister. Maria knows how uneasy I am with the really wee ones and therefore said to me "don't worry, just make sure he doesn't climb the stairs". And she left me with the task to change him into his white linen suit after 45 minutes (she didn't want him getting it dirty before people started to show up).

Somehow aware of his mom's directions of staying away from the stairs, Jaiden decided to rebel. I was like a video on replay. Chase Jaiden to the stairs, pick him up, drop him off in the living room, chase him to the stairs and so on. I tried holding him but he got antsy and wanted to explore. So I put him on this plastic horse:

But he kept trying to put his finger in the socket to his right. And wow, after looking at this picture, I notice he's surrounded by hazards. Mom material, I am not.

Toys were everwhere, so next, I put him in this mini-atv and ran him up and down the main floor of the house. I was dying of laughter because Jaiden would push this button and you'd hear "meep meep". It was hilarious...but it got annoying after a while so I called Lenny from outside (he was bbqing) and asked him to come in and help me change him. I was warned that he would start crying but we toughed it out...although as soon as he started crying, his grandparents came running from the kitchen to pick him up and didn't let us finish.

The grandparents answer to his tears: blare Portuguese music REALLY loud and dance around with him in your arms - with only one sock on and no shirt. As annoyed as I was, I have to say that Jaiden was in latin heaven. And it was really touching.

And so there ends my hour alone with the cutest kid ever. The rest of the night, I couldn't even get close to Jaiden with all the family crowding him. But I'm sure he cherished our time together like I did :)

uh - sir, you have spit on your lip

2008-11-09T11:32:00.000-08:00

Okay, I'm in a wild n' crazy posting mood today. So I thought I would tell a little random story:

At the two-day seminar in Seattle, I sat beside a middle-aged electrical engineer from Surrey. Now this guy was your typical engineer. He looked down when he spoke and rarely made eye contact. He was very vocal though. And didn't stop talking not realizing that I was a little turned off by his rant. He would open the flood gates of negativity in regards to sales and wouldn't stop until I would interrupt and when he wouldn't even acknowledge what I had said, I would find an escape and then turn around and talk to my other seat mate, Maria.

My first conversation with him went like this:

Me: "Oh so you're a fellow Canadian?"

Him: "Yeah"

Me: "I've heard your name before, I must know you...have you ever worked for us?"

Him: "No but I've heard of your firm and I don't have a very good impression of it".

And he went on to tell me why. And as he did, a pool of spit had gathered in the middle of his lip and I thought it was a piece of muffin or something. And I'm usually the person that will tell you if you have something on your face that shouldn't be there. But I kept quiet and thank god I did, because this kept happening throughout the two days. He had some sort of a superfluous saliva problem and it would've been rude of me to bring it up. He actually spat on my arm while talking about how much he hates the US proposal interview system. Thank gawd I was wearing long sleeves.

workin' it in seattle

2008-11-08T10:24:00.000-08:00

Sales be dammed. I just spent the last two days in Seattle at a seminar focused on winning my company more work. During which, I asked myself "how did I get here?" How did I get to this point in my career, where I'm running down a path that I had not originally planned?

I started out my teenage years with a desire to be a translator for the UN. With English, Spanish and French as my base languages, I set out to learn Japanase and German. Learning languages was easy for me and I loved it. But after meeting a translator who came to one of my high school "career day" events, it didn't seem as much fun as I had originally thought. She basically told me she makes hardly any money and had to work a second job. But I had high hopes. The UN. So I met with the school guidance counsellor and we attempted to develop a strategy. She was clueless and made me even more so. We didn't even know where to begin. Translator school? huh? what? where? We found one in Alberta but good ol' AB did not appeal to me. So I said, "screw this". I'll just take languages at UBC. I took French and Spanish and wasn't entirely sure, but thought I would get my BA in one or the other.

Then I regained my political self (I was that kid that staged walk outs when World Vision attempted to reel teenagers into the 24 hour famine). Political Science was my new direction. Even though my political passion had died (after realizing that no one really cared), I still had it in me. It fascinated me that I could sit in a class and learn about what was going on in the world politically. So I got my degree and thought, hmmm now what? My new goal: international development. That didn't work out. Then it changed to international law. Got an LSAT score good enough to get into U of Saskatchewan. Nix. Then non-profits.

Working for a non-profit in social development was an achievable goal. I got a job working at Immigrant Services Society of BC and loved it. I felt like I was really doing something to effect change. But after awhile it got stale and I wasn't moving up. My boss even told me this job was just a stepping stone for me. It lasted two years.

I needed to earn more money, so I went to work for a quasi-government agency that paid well but was in no relation to my skills or career path. That lasted for almost 2 years...yikes. And now, after another two years, I find myself in a position that I love but I'm at a place that I never expected to be. Funny how this happens. And interestingly enough, my work life seems to work in two year increments. And if I multiply those two years by ten increments, 20 years will have already passed. So how do I re-focus? And where do I go from here?

I really love what I do at work and love the people I work with. But the problem is I really lack a "specialization" in one thing. I'm a generalist. This could be a result of jumping from one thing to the next...this seems to be a trend in my life. I never stuck with anything long enough to specialize -- piano, organ, guitar, tennis, modern dance, kung-fu, samba, immigration consulting...wow, the list could go on.

So back to the course in Seattle. I was lucky enough to sit beside Maria Jackola from Jackola Engineering in Montana. This girl was a glowing soul. She was lively and warm -- so full of life. She was so real. In those two days, she and I had some really key conversations that related to my career path. Maria was studying graphic design because it was her passion. When she talked about it, her eyes lit up. And she really felt that I should take one or two intro courses in design because based on our discussions, she saw a designer in me.

Now here we go, another complete diversion from my original high-school and then post-university goals, but in a way, I think that if I can incorporate all my skills: languages, writing/editing and design -- I can get myself to that perfect place. Career satisfaction.

And maybe specialization takes years but I'd like to stick to one thing for the next few years. And that one thing is what I'm currently doing. I just don't want to ask myself in the next 20 years - why this? So that's why I'm going through a re-evaluation now. I'm going to take a course in design and see if I like it. And if I do like it, my goal is to go out on my own in the next two years. And I can call myself a specialist - take that HR!

I love daylight savings

2008-11-02T20:15:00.000-08:00

It's so fantastic to get an extra hour of sleep. I feel like I accomplished so much today. I even went back to the gym for the first time in a month.

So I woke up this morning planning on going to Hot Yoga. I thought it would be a nice transition back into exercise.*

* There is actually no logic to this...Bikram's is definitely no "nice transition" into anything but a week of pain and a revulsion of ever going back. But I thought it would slim me down for a day since I've been feeling a bit sausagey lately. And even more illogically, I only ever feel like going to the gym when I'm feeling svelte.

So I woke up all refreshed, yawned, pulled on some shorts, sweats and a jacket, packed a towel and yoga mat and made my way to the end of the street. I walked up to the door of Bikram's and yanked. Locked. Hallloooo...I stared inside. It was empty...as if it had never been there.

Shucks. Bikram's on Cambie closed down as of November 1st...yesterday. So there I was, defeated and thinking "blast it!" I sulked back home, moped around for a bit, sighed a lot and then started cleaning. Avoiding the gym, I went out to Burnaby to visit a friend. Had a great time eating all you can eat sushi and window shopping with Susie - my hot chica banana :)

I made it home by 5 and somehow got up enough motivation to go to the gym (which is a block away from my apartment). It was a meek gym jaunt, a half hour at best. Did a bit of this, and a bit of that with little direction...and came home to eat dinner.

So although it took a whole day to finally get to the gym, I'm glad I did. And I hope this will become a regular thing. Even if it's just half and hour, at least it's something?

Yawn...exhausted...must be all that exercise. Bedtime...it's been a long day :)

marriage...me?

2008-10-26T21:36:00.000-07:00

It's been awhile since I've posted because my life has been pretty uneventful lately. But today, I did something that was definitely an event. Something I thought I would never do -- shop for a wedding dress.

You see, my good friend Wendy booked a couple of appointments for the two of us. I was hesitant to try on anything myself but was happy to go along with her to help her pick out a dress for her wedding next year.

I believe an explanation is necessary at this point. I have never been that girl that has planned her wedding since she was 7, dressing up Ken and Barbie and playing out their dream wedding. No, I used to forego Barbie and Ken for my pogoball, my brothers skateboard or playing with boys. I was kind of a tomboy...never liked to wear dresses or anything mildly feminine. And this lasted until grade 11, when I believe my feminine side hit me in the face. Or my boobs hit me in the face.

I always set goals for myself - get a university degree, make a career out of writing (not there yet) and travel to far away adventurous places. No where did I include getting married. It had never crossed my mind. I pictured myself single forever...with a "flexible" partner in life.

How I happened to get to this point, the big G only knows. Well, the big G and me I guess. I met a very traditional guy and fell in love.

So there I found myself trying on dresses.

The first place we went to was perfect - very low-key and inexpensive. Wendy and I had the whole place to ourselves and the lady attending to us was so helpful. The best part was that I found a beautiful dress that may be the one.

We went and got coffee and made our way to the next place. Bisou Bridal. We walked in and immediately knew this was not the place for us. The girl attending to us was nice at first but when she saw that our budget was $1500 (actually, $500 but that was our only option on the form), she immediately changed her demeanor. She was condescending and I was ready to pull the plug but we decided to humour ourselves.

I tried on a few "couture" dresses and laughed a bit inside at how much they cost. The place was bustling with girls ooohing and aaahing at atrociously over-the-top dresses. Totally out of our element, we left without a dress or a good feeling about the whole experience.

And so, my first dress adventure started out great but ended with a big thumbs down. But the good thing is that I think I'm slowly getting used to this marriage idea. Hopefully I'll get even more comfortable and start planning the damn thing one of these days.