Tawit Tawoo

Oh me oh my oh. Here I am, posting from work for the first time. Typically, I don't even have time to say hello, let alone type out an entire blog post. But this summer, things are different. It's been about a week with much ado about nothing. I sit here thinking "can you spare a square?"...of work that is. And nada. So I tip-type away pretending to be busy when really I'm emailing a friend about that party on the weekend that was "off the hook" or "off the chain". I didn't really say that actually. I probably used the typical "ridiculous".

So anyways, as I sit here, checking my Aeroplan points and looking up my healthcare spending account balance, I wonder if I'm making the right decision to leave work. I've started fretting a little that we may not have enough money to pay a lease on an office space, and buy a copier, and pay for medical. This morning, Victor offered this "it costs about $6,000 a month to rent an office space on X street". WTH? Never even thought about it. The fact that I'm going to have to bring in about $10,000 a month to be comfortable? RIDICULOUS.

And so ofcourse, I'm not going to do anything about this worry but hope for the best. I mean, it's in two years time. And hopefully, when I'm off work, I can put together a stellar business plan that itemizes all these costs so nothing is a surprise.

And further to this having too much time on my hands to think, I've been getting on Victor's case a lot. Thinking of all the things that should get done, and actually saying "why the heck aren't they getting done?" Not good for the solid relationship front. Although, Victor takes it all in stride. He's a good man, my man.

And Bella, well I miss her much when I'm here with not much going on. When we could be at home together, or at the park or having a dance party in our kitchen.

Well, four hours down. Lunch time then another four to go. And only two more days of this until the weekend, hoorah!

Happy 134th Canada!

What a Canada Day it was. We started off at the mall of all places, where I had to return a few things. As we strolled through right at the moment of stores opening, we walked by the Apple store where a crowd had gathered. I said aloud to Victor "why the heck is that store always so packed? I don't get it? I mean, how many people on any given day can be in the market for a laptop or ipod?" Then all of a sudden, we heard a deep voice singing Canada Day. We looked in and saw that all of the staff were standing at the front of the store, singing, while a bigger dude in the middle, was leading the pack with his beautiful voice. It felt weird. I guess the anti-consumerism rants proferred on me by my dad were coming out on me. And it wasn't only me, but a handful of people in the crowd were all laughing at the ridiculousness of it. I had a good laugh to myself.

So we went about our day and made our way to H&M where further rampant consumerism ensued. I kind of love rampant consumerism right now.

After coming home for nap time, we made our way downtown, to...well honestly, to eat. The skytrain ride was a bit stressful as B is now scared of the tunnels. So we had a screaming child on our hands, who at the each stop would say to me really sincerely "I'm done mommy". It was kind of cute (not the screaming part), and we figure she needs to ride the skytrain more often to get used to it.

So we walked around the convention centre and tried ALL the food (chinese, portuguese, french, french canadian, italian). It was good times and an expanding waistline of fun. We walked a ton more and finally made it back to the stage to watch the Grapes of Wrath play a few songs. Bella was a bit tired but showed us a couple of her dance moves in the middle of the crowd. For the most part though, she protected her Dora doll from other kids who tried to snatch it.

And so that's it for now. And the diet starts today :)

Tantrums, tough times and things

Nooooooooooo mammy! NO!

That's what I've been hearing all week. It's been a symphony of no and throwing fits fit for a queen. Can't watch Dora? Screams. Don't want to eat more than two bites of toast? More screams with flying toast for further effect. I even heard the word "stupid" in the mix. And on top of it all? Her first real lie. After Victor put her to bed while I was out for dinner, B screamed "I poo poo daddy, DIAPER CHANGE". He went in to change her, and was met with a mischievous smile, and then a laugh when there was no poo to be found.

Excuse the poo talk by the way. It's just part and parcel.

We also had a few outings with screaming (and I'm talking, LOUD screaming to the point where an old lady had to cover her ears) just for fun. Like it's a game.

This whole business of testing the waters is trying on me. I'm not sure how to react. I'm a calm person, and like to use reason. But them rules don't apply anymore. The calmer I am, the more she tests my patience. The more I reason, the more unreasonable she is. And so I need to keep in mind that this is just a phase. And that we'll get through this. It's only when we're out of the house that things get really bad. So maybe we'll just stay in for the next year. But no, then she'll never know what is acceptable outside of the house and I'll have a tantrumy child on my hand for the rest of my life.

And the thing is, she's cute...and much of an angel. She's smart and advanced and sweet like candy. I love this little munchkin to the end of the world and back. So this phase? I can handle it. We just need to work together, become a team. Give her all the attention I can so we become a happy duo. I'll let her stop to pick flowers and not hurry her along so that we can make it to that birthday party on time.

And truthfully, she amazes me. I watch her with other kids and I see this young girl (no longer a baby) with as my uncle put it "enormous and exceptional self-possession". She's a leader, with immense confidence and a ridiculous sense of humour. And I want to encourage all of her amazing qualities more than anything.

Wearing an outfit picked out by none other than Queen B.

On another note, I've been on vacation for the past week and have never been so busy. After 6 months with no real vacation time, I booked myself solid with things that have been left off the list. I even got voted onto a board of directors. And am now slightly wondering why I get myself into things that take time out the things I really want/need to do in life. It always seems like a good idea at the time. Does anyone else do this? Do things they really don't want to do? I'm sure a lot of people do but sometimes I feel like my whole life involves a list of commitments. When in reality, all I really want to do is spend time with friends and my immediate family. And exercise ofcourse. In an ideal world, I would go for long walks and hikes with Bella and friends, shop and lunch, cook gourmet dinners with Victor and enjoy a glass of wine at night. And ofcourse, fit work in there somewhere. I guess we all need a good balance of things we want to do and things we have to do. But I tend to do things I don't have to do, but do anyways. Something to add to the list of "things I need to work on".

Tangent: Anyone else think "things" is a funny word? I do.

A Walk in the Park

Hey...ho...I'm back. Whew, this past week was kind of a rough one. I worked too much overtime and got in an argument with HR, almost died of strep throat (overdramatic, yes but the ambulance was involved at one point) and received a hefty tax bill in the mail. I've been mad face since Friday but am dealing. And as my Norwegian aunt says in a deep slavic voice "stop your complaining!" (when speaking about Canadians in general at a lunch we had recently).

I decided to deal by going shopping and buying myself a pair of badly needed shorts to enjoy this beautiful weather that we all expected to have all weekend. Unfortunately, the only glimpse of said nice weather was this evening, when B and I decided to take to the streets:

This girl is all about enjoying every single moment of life, even when life puts things up your nose. I think I'm going to take a page from her book of life and not sweat the small stuff.

We also took B to the aquarium for the first time ever on Saturday. And I must say, this girl is more interested in playing and interacting with all the people rather than really caring about the big fish. And much more interested in her goldfish crackers than the beluga whale show. She has an agenda of her own and I truly love it.

Remembering Pixie

I guess it's been ages since I updated y'all on life in casa Bella Vida. I had been so busy leading up to my grandma's memorial that I hadn't had a chance to post about it. It's now been a week since family gathered and remembered the life that was. It went off well, we chatted and nibbled and celebrated a fiercely independent woman's life. And here is the montage I put together to accompany the speeches (WARNING: I am posting this for Bella's sake when she's older...not sure it will be of any interest to anyone else):

The theme of all the speeches was that my grandma was unlike no other. She was a liberated, independent woman...a woman who "wasn't into mothering" but rather into living life to its fullest. She was a woman who never ran out of words in any situation. She was a man's woman...or should I say, she loved men and men loved her. Even in her care home, she preferred sitting with the men. She always said they were more interesting. And I remember the day she asked that I call her Pixie rather than grandma...not wanting to give away her age.

During the speeches, my brother kept walking in and out of the room, at times just poking his head in to say (loudly) "Linda, Victor wants to ask you something". Or "MA, can you come here?". Meanwhile, Victor was outside with Bella as she rapped on the window "Moooooommmy!!!". It's nice to be wanted but man, I just wanted to listen to the speeches. Overall though, it was great. You can't have a family gathering without some entertainment I guess.

Speaking of family, I feel badly for the mom dissing in my last post. She's actually quite an amazing woman but there are times where a daughter and her mother have issues, no? Can't always be perfect. C'est la vie and life goes on.

Now I better get back to vegging. It's been a tough week and Bella is mad ills. Like illa sick. She had popsicles for the first time today, which was fun. But that was the extent of fun. She's also been super snuggly which is the BEST thing in the world. Yet it's not because she wants to be, she's just too tired to squirm or squawk or push herself out of my arms.

That's it, I'm outtie. Ciao for now.

Missing easter bunnies, famous people and yikes, sometimes I dislike my mother

This post is going to be a mish mash of thoughts and goings-on in the past few days, starting with the build-up to easter. Victor and I had this plan to dye real hard boiled eggs for easter to avoid a chocolate binge. Mainly due to the fact that we both have a bit of an issue when chocolate is around and Bella seems to be catching on and being a good little chocoholic in the making. So we boiled some eggs on Friday in anticipation for a dye and decoration job on Saturday. We ended up doing the egg paint/decoration in a mad dash in the morning, then went out looking for an easter bunny for Bella to feast her eyes on. We had planned to go to a breakfast with bunny at our local community centre but found out it was sold out and that the easter bunny apparently wasn't coming anyways. Bella being none the wiser spent time at the playground instead. And Bella pulled out something new from her bag of tricks, she can now climb up to the slide and slide down all by herself. I was in mom awe.

Then Victor and I had a fun conversation on Sunday, we listed all the famous people we've seen in our lives. I reminisced to back in the old days when I used to go out after 9pm (regularly that is). I met Judd Nelson at the Cambie of all places. Judd of the Breakfast Club fame. A friend of mine called him over and he put his hand out to each one of us and said "Nice to meet you, I'm Judd". I really wanted to tell him that I wanted to french kiss him when I was 10 but I'm sure he hears that kind of thing all the time.

I also saw Ice T once while walking with a friend down Seymour. He was standing near a tree, with one of those nylon stockings covering his hair. We noticed that there was a guy to the left of us taking a pee in full view of our leering eyes. Everyone was deer in headlights. My friend, who was very Italian catholic said out loud "santa maria madre de dios" and made the cross sign. Both guys laughed and asked where we were going that night to which we both replied "home". I wasn't entirely positive that it was Ice T but low and behold, we heard that he was in town filming a movie shortly thereafter.

I also saw Hayden Christensen and Joshua Jackson standing on a street corner in London. I had just come out of a shoe store and was walking down a residential street and saw them both before me. I had my camera and thought "why not?" and walked up to them and asked for a picture. I was a bit more ballsy back then. They were both super nice and shared in my enthusiasm about being from Vancouver. They laughed at the fact that I still had a point and shoot film camera. I think I might have left them feeling a bit embarrassed...not by my camera but by my annoying fan-ness.

There are a few others but I think I'll leave it at that. I'm sure you'll really be interested in that fact that I met Mariah Carey's now husband.

Victor's famous people list involved soccer players only so it's not much to relay here.

I wanted to get to the fact that easter dinner was the pits this year. My mom thought it would be funny to be rude to me in front of her friends. She may have even said something which could be translated to "ugh, this girl never cares about anything". She completely disregarded my demand that Bella not eat any more candy. She also ordered my dad around like he's a little pup. He could care less and just goes with it, being almost 66 and used to it after 35 years. I guess I can never show her this blog now since I'm being so blunt but really, she really gets under my super thick skin. Sometimes I want to divorce her from my life but I know how good she is with Bella for the most part. And she is a good person inside, 60% of the time.

I really hope that when Bella is in her thirties, that she will enjoy spending time with me. I plan on doing the complete opposite of what my mother did in raising me and hopefully this will make all the difference.

Smile when you go over the bumps

I'm in the midst of creating a montage (or what my uncle keeps calling a "multimedia extravaganza") for my grandma's memorial. I've been scanning pictures and trying to find just the right music and transition sequence to make things just right. It's tough trying to capture someone's essence in pictures. But my grandma is a good subject because she was so true to her feelings and revealed a lot of herself in pictures, whether good or bad.

My grandma was a writer, painter and photographer without even realizing it. She was so talented but never really pursued her dreams until it was too late.

She always defined her career as the office manager at St. Mary's hospital in Sechelt. When I sat with her the day before her 93rd birthday, she grumbled about how the nursing home staff wanted to interview her regarding her life. She said "I really don't want to bore everyone". Or something to that effect. I ofcourse told her she was being ridiculous, but she just said "I worked at this very hospital...and I'm still here! How interesting is that?"

I can say with extreme certainty that her life was much more interesting than she let on.

Today, I came across this picture that she took:

She was an avid skier and grew up gliding down Hollyburn mountain. She skied until she was in her mid 70's if you can believe it. Her motto was "smile when you go over the bumps". Sort of a metaphor for life.

My grandma wasn't the kind of woman who loved to cook and clean. She was an adventurer. She travelled and met people from all over the world. She wanted to become a journalist when she was younger and was hired at the Vancouver Sun many years ago but turned it down after moving to Williams Lake to follow a man (an artist) she had fallen in love with (this being after she and my grandpa split up).

All her life is chronicled in a manuscript that sits in a trunk in our hallway. She attempted to have it published in her 80's, sending copies to editors and publishers...to no avail. I've yet to read it but have picked through many of her short stories, letters and various diaries that reveal a new layer on every page.

I am so proud to have had such a woman as a grandma and am so glad that she chronicled her life for me to see. Maybe not her intention but priceless nonetheless.

My grandpa and grandma. Speaking a thousand words.