where do you see yourself in five years?

It's funny how life changes in an instant, a millisecond. For Victor and I, that change happened over a year ago. Last March to be exact. From one moment to the next, it became all about our near to distant future rather than whether to have rice or potatoes with the chicken that night. None of the immediate stuff mattered anymore.

It started with an inkling and led to a pregnancy test. We were all "pregnant?" then "pregnant!" to "holy shiz, are we ready?" to "ME? A mom/dad?". I had been having urges to bring a little one into this world mainly because I felt that it would be such a wonderful thing to experience with Victor...and how awesome, to give us an extra little companion for the rest of our lives! We had been together for 4 years and it was definitely moving closer and closer in that direction. We talked about it in passing...always saying that by 32, it would be in the cards. Here we are getting closer to those cards than we thought...a month prior to said cards actually:


Yet, when it was actually staring me in the face, I questioned whether I would make a good mother. It had been five years or more since I had completely buried myself in work whether it was my day-to-day all-consuming career, or my contract work on the side. Oh and the 1.5 hour workouts everyday that I became addicted to in early 2009. I was the type of person that took on WAY too much at once. So in a way, I thought, "bring it on!", and the fact that I had absolutely 1000% support and assurance from Victor didn't help...wait, or did?

And so three months passed and during those three months, my friends were there for me with reassuring voices. Wendy especially made me feel so confident in my upcoming mom-hood. And then Felicia started to move and kick and hiccup like nothing I could ever imagine. Every night, Victor and I would cuddle with the belly and wait for the rhythmic pitter patter of those hiccups. And despite feeling throw-uppy all the time, I really bonded with my little tummy companion. She became my light even before I met her. She gave me energy even when I was drained from all the sickness and big body lazyness. And when we finally met her, I couldn't believe how beautiful she was/is. And to this day, I can't get enough of her.

Actually, as soon as I put her to bed, I miss her. I almost feel like going into her room right now and waking her up just so we can hang out and cuddle. I'm pretty strict with the "never wake a sleeping baby rule" but goodness, sometimes I wish I wasn't. Okay, update, while writing this, I actually went into her room to re-adjust her blankets. Just part of the mommy double check duty...ahem.

And so how do I answer the question titling this post? Well now, five years brings me to Felicia's first year of Kindergarten or at least getting ready for it...soccer practice, yoga and dance lessons (SO CUTE)...buying a home...hopefully running a consulting business from said home...and living life with family and friends 70% of the time and working at something I love 30% of the time...oh and maybe five years from now, we'll have just come back from a family trip to Roatan...with the possibility of another monkey added to our clan...possibly.

And come to think of it, I guess not much has changed in my five year plan. Everything is just as I would've wanted it to be. And then some.

Anyways, parting thought...it's still hard to imagine that I'm a MOM...like I get a gift on mother's day and everything! Another #$%@^ card for Victor to buy every year...actually, I'm going to put in a request for homemade cards/gifts only :)