As time passes, I've begun to regret my decision to name you Bella. Well, not regret but rather have become "disenchanted". In the pit of my stomach I think I should have named you Nena. Nena, after your aunt, slang for girl in Spanish. So feminine... so simple...so sweet. Much more meaning to me than Bella which came to me as you lay on my chest and looked so damn beautiful. And so, because it is too late and I don't want to cause any sort of identity crisis for you in the future, I will call this blog la Nena. nenanenanenanenanena. If I can convince your dad that it's not crazy to change your name 7 weeks in, then maybe later on in life you will read this with NL as your initials and be glad that Bella is no longer your name...Bella suits you - but Nena means more to me. And this I have told your dad countless times. I can pretty much convince him of anything so I just have to really decide whether I want to go through the process of changing your name...and highlight my indecisiveness to all the Leonardo's.
It's amazing how immediately you have become my favourite person in this world. I want to spend every waking moment with you in my arms. Today, I held you on my chest as you slept...and my nose itched. For not wanting to disturb your angelic sleep, I tried to scratch my nose by scrunching up my face. For you, I will scrunch my face to scratch an itch. Today, I changed your diaper almost 10 times. For you, I will clean a poo explosion surprise (your specialty) with a smile on my face...waiting for your return smiles as I wipe your little bum with love.
Today, you learned to reach and grab onto things. I was in awe of you as I watched you pull down the play mat arc above your head. Each time, you would look at me and smile as I lay beside you cheering you on. You also pulled on my hair with both hands as I walked you from the bedroom to the living room. I kissed you a million times for it.
And last night, at Ingrid and Edgar's Christmas dinner, you found your thumb for the first time. As aunts and uncles and greatgrandparents told me to pull it out of your mouth, I protested and wanted to take a picture. I called Victor and he watched you with as much excitement as me. "No way" he said. "Way" you said as you lightly sucked on it as you slept.
You also held your bottle up today with both hands. Hooray Bella/Nena/Felicia!
I ran to grab the camera and captured the moment a bit late, as the bottle fell from your itty bitty hands:
Thank you Bella (for now) for making me focus on the little things in life. For taking a step back from the mad rush of life to cheer you on while you grow. Money worries and body issues are out the window as I stare into your eyes and witness every little accomplishment. You have shown me how to "live in the moment" and I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.
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