Dear Bella: Your First Christmas

I always loved big Christmas gatherings...always wished for them as I got older as it was only ever your grandparents, Frank and I. And with your dad's family, you will now always have a big family-filled Christmas to look forward to.

We spent your first Christmas at my parents. Grandma invited friends over and it was generally good times.


We relaxed by the fire, ate a nice turkey dinner prepared El Salvadoran style by your grandpa. I asked that we open gifts before midnite mass as I wasn't sure if I could stay up that late.

You were a lucky girl, spoiled with all the wrapping papered goodies sitting under the tree. I was your Christmas assistant, hired to open gifts and oooh and ahhh for you. I ask that you pay me in smiles and coos :)

You now have teddy bears galore lining your crib....clothes to allow you 6 changes a day for weeks (oh how we women love to have options!)...the cutest pair of faux Ugg boots from Elba and Adonay. Grandma Carmen and Grandpa Sean got you a cute little hippo outfit as well as your first Christmas onesie. Auntie Wendy got you "Violet", a teddy bear that says your name and favourite things!


After opening gifts, everyone left for midnite mass except your dad, grandpa, Frank and I. We put you to sleep at 12 finally and you slept until 5am!!! A five hour sleep session -- a first! All the Christmas activities must have wiped you out!

The next day, your grandpa and I decided to postpone our Christmas Day tradition of xcountry skiing and re-scheduled for Jan 2 (I can't wait until you can join us!). So, we packed up our things and trekked out to Langley for Christmas with Grandpa Victor and Grandma Lucia. As soon as we arrived, I left with your fur-brother Figo for a run as you settled in with Dad.

When we got back, we gave Jaiden his Christmas gifts including a mini-laptop...or as he says "COMPUTA". He loved to open it up, push all the buttons then slam the screen down.


Here you are with Bisavo Genoveva...is someone a little cranky?


Here you are with Avo Victor as he held you in his arms and laughed as you tried to talk to him. "Ohhhh" you said.


We put you to bed at your Avos at 11:30pm and you slept soundly until 4am :). A good 4.5 hours!

All in all, your first Christmas was joy-filled. Your dad and I got to spend it with our favourite person in the whole wide world!

Doctor Doctor

Funny how poo becomes a big topic in our daily lives now. Texture, colour, smell, blast radius. We took Bella to two doctors today to get a diagnosis on her poo among other things. Everythings good and in working order thank heavens.

While waiting in the waiting room at Dr. Hadad's, we witnessed a five alarm tantrum by a 3 year old. It was so bad that doctor's from adjoining offices came out to see what was going on. I turned to Victor and said "look what we have to look forward to". I tried not to get annoyed knowing full well that we may have to deal with these kind of adventures when Bella gets older. But I couldn't help but cringe. The father of this shrieking child remained calm and read a magazine as his son battled it out by kicking the coffee table in the room and pushing over a chair. I had a "WWJD" moment...but replace Jesus with "I". Wouldn't it make sense to give the kid the attention he is seeking, give a little love? We all have our ways to deal I guess and we all have to deal with surrounding judgments, like mine.

Anyways, as said kid kicked his dad in the shins, I looked over at Bella as she had "poo push" face...she made us both laugh among the shrieking tension in the room.

Dear Bella: One day, two day, red fish, blue fish

As time passes, I've begun to regret my decision to name you Bella. Well, not regret but rather have become "disenchanted". In the pit of my stomach I think I should have named you Nena. Nena, after your aunt, slang for girl in Spanish. So feminine... so simple...so sweet. Much more meaning to me than Bella which came to me as you lay on my chest and looked so damn beautiful. And so, because it is too late and I don't want to cause any sort of identity crisis for you in the future, I will call this blog la Nena. nenanenanenanenanena. If I can convince your dad that it's not crazy to change your name 7 weeks in, then maybe later on in life you will read this with NL as your initials and be glad that Bella is no longer your name...Bella suits you - but Nena means more to me. And this I have told your dad countless times. I can pretty much convince him of anything so I just have to really decide whether I want to go through the process of changing your name...and highlight my indecisiveness to all the Leonardo's.

It's amazing how immediately you have become my favourite person in this world. I want to spend every waking moment with you in my arms. Today, I held you on my chest as you slept...and my nose itched. For not wanting to disturb your angelic sleep, I tried to scratch my nose by scrunching up my face. For you, I will scrunch my face to scratch an itch. Today, I changed your diaper almost 10 times. For you, I will clean a poo explosion surprise (your specialty) with a smile on my face...waiting for your return smiles as I wipe your little bum with love.

Today, you learned to reach and grab onto things. I was in awe of you as I watched you pull down the play mat arc above your head. Each time, you would look at me and smile as I lay beside you cheering you on. You also pulled on my hair with both hands as I walked you from the bedroom to the living room. I kissed you a million times for it.

And last night, at Ingrid and Edgar's Christmas dinner, you found your thumb for the first time. As aunts and uncles and greatgrandparents told me to pull it out of your mouth, I protested and wanted to take a picture. I called Victor and he watched you with as much excitement as me. "No way" he said. "Way" you said as you lightly sucked on it as you slept.

You also held your bottle up today with both hands. Hooray Bella/Nena/Felicia!

I ran to grab the camera and captured the moment a bit late, as the bottle fell from your itty bitty hands:


Thank you Bella (for now) for making me focus on the little things in life. For taking a step back from the mad rush of life to cheer you on while you grow. Money worries and body issues are out the window as I stare into your eyes and witness every little accomplishment. You have shown me how to "live in the moment" and I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.

meu nome e

What's in a name? Mi nombre es? Does a name predict who we will become?

During my teenage years, I considered my name a "mom" name...Linda plain and simple. White bread plain in the English language. In Spanish, Leeeeenda. Pretty. Cute. So much more to the name. So much more special. My husband and I struggled with the perfect name for our daughter. My first intuition was Stella. Victor loved it (although he began the name discussion with "Victoria"...haha funny). The 9 month-long argument included these wonderful gems...also included are the reasons they were eliminated...or chosen...what a deliberation:

Stella (strong contender...but Stella...steeeeeella!)

Alexis (Victor didn't like)

Isabella (too long...Victor says no)

Alexa (sister-in-law's cats name)

Sofia (too "golden girls")

Natalie (loved it...Victor not liking the "English" sounding names...Natalia? too Italian!)

Nena (my favourite aunts name...pronunciation Nina...foresaw pronunciation problems)

Mia (strong contender...but in-law's laughed at the meaning in Portuguese...Mia equals the cat's meow in Portuguese...I was defiant and wanted to name her this nonetheless but the moment our glittering baby girl was placed on my chest, I saw a Bella, a beauty. I said her name aloud and she opened her eyes for the first time. And so Bella it was).

Felicia (chosen as a middle name...Feliz! Happy! Content! Jose Feliciano - "I want to wish you a merry chrrristmas!" also my make-believe name as a child)

Ah...the list went on...but we settled on Bella Felicia. Beautiful Happy! Sounds like the name of the nail salon down the street. Beautiful Happy Nails. Nonetheless, we love it. From plain and simple Linda, came pretty/cute to beautiful happy. Improve much?

a new dawn...a new day...a new life for me

"Feeling Good" by Nina Simone. I sing this song everyday to my sweet angel...new to this world, it reminds her of being in the womb. Of the day she made an appearance, I sat limp in the shower singing and humming this tune while my mother sprayed me, all love filled and in awe.




Birds flying high
You know how I feel
Sun in the sky
You know how I feel
Breeze driftin' on by
You know how I feel
It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
For me
And I'm feeling good

Fish in the sea
You know how I feel
River running free
You know how I feel
Blossom on a tree
You know how I feel
It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
For me
And I'm feeling good

Dragonfly out in the sun you know what I mean, don't you know
Butterflies all havin' fun you know what I mean
Sleep in peace when day is done
That's what I mean
And this old world is a new world
And a bold world
For me

Stars when you shine
You know how I feel
Scent of the pine
You know how I feel
Oh freedom is mine
And I know how I feel
It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
For me


And I'm feeling good

- by Nina Simone

Love and marriage go together with a baby carriage

A lot has happened since I last posted. I've reached two major lifetime milestones in just 9 short months...the first being Victor and I now have a beautiful little girl named Bella (Banana Peanut Boo Boo Monkey). The second, our marriage that had been planned for September 12, 2009 was moved up a little early to May 30 (I was not a fan of being 7 months pregnant at my wedding).

I wanted so badly to post while pregnant however, I was pukes mcgee for all nine months and had no energy other than to go to work, puke, then come home and sleep. I spent many long days at work, running back and forth to the bathroom while working against major deadlines. It left me little to no "get up and go" when I got home. So Victor would cook me dinner (if I could stomach it), I would throw up, then fall asleep around 7pm. Good times. But THANK GOODNESS for the hormonal forcefield of my little one, Victor and I now have a beautiful, healthy baby girl who fills our life with so much joy. I mean, life was getting to be a little monotonous without a little monkey to fawn over!

too much of anything...

Hi friend. It's been a little while. I've been in fitness lock-down lately and now sit in front of my laptop doing crunches rather than waxing poetic about my daily exploits.

You see, I've been inspired. I have taken my gym workouts to a new level beyond any level I've ever achieved. And as I sit here, sweaty from the mother of all workouts, I start to wonder if it's having any effect other than taking me away from the things I love. For example: life. I have little energy for anything anymore. I go to work, come home, eat, workout, shower, sleep. Daily. It's bordering on obsessive actually. Could I be addicted to exercise? Is that even a thing?

In any case, I'm thinking of taking it down a notch. It's bordering on excessive. I must say though, I feel good because I'm finally fitting into my old clothes...but goodness me, the path to feeling fit shouldn't be this all consuming.

On another note, I had a major WTF moment at work today. You see, a co-worker, who works fairly close (in proximity) to me, speaks on the phone every so often in another language. Everytime I hear him speaking it, I listen intently trying to figure out what language it is. Sounds a bit Germanic, a tinge Swedish. Anyways, so my fellow co-workers were also curious and the ballsy one of us got up as soon as he got off the phone and said "where are you from?". He answered "Vancouver" and chuckled to himself. So Tammy, said co-worker, delved deeper -- "what language were you speaking just now?". He got a little flustered and replied "oh, that's a made-up language...my buddies and I speak it to each other". What the hell? Apparently, he and his friends created this language when they were in high school and now they speak it to each other everytime they're together.

I just can't wrap my head around it. He HAS to be joking. But my boss went and tried to find out more and found out that one of the "buddies" manages all the words. The more she dug, the more I could tell it wasn't a joke. I'm completely fascinated and weirded out by the entire thing. It's pretty cool and insanely bizarre at the same time. I can't decide. Has anyone else ever heard of this? Making up an entire language? BANANAS.