My Christmas Wish List for 2011

Now that I've already received all my Christmas gifts, I thought I should write a list of things that I would love to have next year...not necessarily for Christmas but just randomly throughout the year please. And I'm looking at you, universe.

1. A family trip to a beachy place. The more sand and all-inclusiveness, the better. And if only for 3 or 4 days, that's fine with me.

2. Acceptance to a certain society, within a program at a certain school. Please oh please and a little more vagueness. This should probably be number one but let's do this in order of most recent to later in the year.

3. A smaller waistline and smaller head circumference (I swear my head gets huge as I gain weight). I need to work hard at this one so what I'm really asking for is the motivation and ability to advance plan my time at the gym. Oh and that 60% eating clean thing...I need to get on that.

4. Baby music and dance classes for my baby lady gaga. I'm not a Gaga fan by any means (although I do remember secretly cleaning the house to Just Dance when it first came out)...but she's a good reference for singing and dancing with attitude, like my little monkey pants.

5. More time to spend with Bella. I wish I could have at least an extra day a week to spend with her. Or at least be able to work normal days (meaning: no overtime). And no, Universe, I do not mean I want to lose my job. I want to keep my current job but have more time to spend with Belly.

6. To be able to provide Bella with the best and most exciting experiences throughout the year (i.e.- sledding, Christmas lights in Stanley Park, gymboree (not), watching mommy cross the Sun Run finish line (that might not be exciting for her...more so for me), lots and lots of swimming at the aquatic centre, beachy vacation mentioned above...etc.).

7. The diligence to be frugal and save every extra penny we come across. And hopefully we run into a bit of money to help with the growth of our savings and/or payment of those damn student loans that never seem to go away!

8. A new wardrobe including two new pairs of pants, one new skirt, one dress and...um...three pairs of boots. Oh and tops! I need more tops. 5 is a good number. And lots and lots of cute baby clothes.

This list is getting ridiculous. And I got too lazy to search for pictures for those last few. And 6 and 7 totally contradict each other. So I'll leave it at that.

PLEASE Universe - #2 especially.

Thank you, Gracias, Obligado, Danke, Domo Arigato

PS - I think I need more sleep too (let's add this as #9).

On the 18th day of Christmas...

My true love gave to me - all my gifts before Christmas Day. Yep, all my Christmas gifts have been given to me sporadically and spontaneously throughout this month. I've received a flat iron in a plastic bag, a travel mug while at Starbucks (surprise!), and a gift card while at the store we were shopping in. Victor has little capacity to keep things under wraps until Christmas Day. And unfortunately, I'm the same way.

So how do you think, between the two of us, we're going to keep Christmas gifts a secret from Bella until the big day? We both love to witness the look on people's face when you give them a gift. We just simply can't wait weeks upon weeks. And how are we going to give someone else (Santa) credit for those gifts when it comes time to introduce the Santa tale? Major dilemmas ahead.

-----------------------------------------------------------

And so, I've been working towards changing my career and things are going well. This is the reason why I've been out of the blog world for a while. I still have a couple of hoops to jump through but I'm remaining optimistic. I think life moves in the way you want it to if you put all your energy into it. I dream about this change in my life, I eat it and drink it every day. It's a big deal for me and even if I have moments of doubt, I remain optimistic. I think that's the key to life - if only I could be like this in every area of my life!

------------------------------------------------------------

And back to Christmas, HOLY JINGLE BALLS, we have spent a truckload of $$$ on Christmas this year. It's OUTTA CONTROL. Excuse the CAPS but I need to emphasize the magnitude of the expense. Does it not seem like everything costs so much nowadays? Everything adds up so quickly and without realizing it, you've spent your budgeted amount. And then decide to go over a tad. And then another tad because your Uncle Jim, or Cousin Fred will feel left out if you don't buy him that useless sweater on sale for $19.99. Oh and ofcourse Bella can't live without those stacking cups which are only $7.99.

For a while there, I was acting like December is a write-off. Like what you spend in December doesn't really count because "it's Christmas". But then it hit me that I'm delusional. And we'll leave it at that. Next year, I promise myself that the Christmas budget will be my bible.

Daycare gossip

One more thing...today, while Victor opened the door at the daycare, Maya, one of Bella's little daycare buddies (who is much much older), said to Victor "You know that Bella just has to touch everything around here". I guess she decided to "tell" on Bella thinking that we would get mad at her. Victor found it pretty amusing. I didn't.

But I do find this amusing:

mmmm....cat tail.

crackalackin'

So you'll never guess what happened this weekend. We went to Sechelt on Saturday to clean out the rest of my grandma's storage unit (shock!). No that's not the surprise. It's coming. We dumped and donated the rest of her stuff, minus all the sentimental doodads like writing, letters, and handmade things. Habitat for Humanity received a pretty good score when it comes to furniture. My grandma was a crafty woman and even built her own kitchen chairs, among other things like two houses* (all by herself)!

With the help of my grandma's friends, we finally got the storage cleaned out and were on our way back to Vancouver on the 4:30pm ferry. Banana Boat baby had a good time running on the ferry and I had a *great* time running after her. We made it home in good time and I thought to myself "what a good day...but it's not over yet"  as we still had to unpack the car, feed and put B to bed and clean up since we left our place a mess after a week of work. I got out of the car, opened the back door and leaned in to take Bella out of her carseat. Then CRACK. MY BACK. All of a sudden it felt like someone stabbed a knife in my back, but no. It was just these creaky old bones of mine. I stood there in tears, completely immobile for fear of moving and making it worse. Victor's eyes were as wide as saucers and wanted to take me to Emergency. I told him I was okay (I wasn't) and told him to bring all of our stuff upstairs while I waited with Bella. Bella didn't like the idea of me just standing there while she struggled with the carseat straps. And I couldn't do anything! Not even calm her down. I just stood there. She thought I was super weird and continued to struggle until Victor came running out.

The rest of the night involved more tears, tiger balm, heating pads, advil (wishing it was Tylenol 3's) and sweet sweet massages. (love you Victor). The next day, I felt better but still had a sore shoulder muscle. Then Monday came. I took B to daycare in her stroller. Lifted her up, brought her inside. Then picked up her stroller to drop it off under the back patio. CRACKALACKIN**. Tears. Hysterics actually. Another knife to the back. So I sidled home and called work to say I couldn't make it. I could barely breathe and was getting a little worried for myself. But I made it home and called a massage therapist across the street from my place (at 7:30 in the morning, and she answered!). I got an appointment for that day and dear Hesus, I feel a thousand times better today because of it. I'm still stiff and could use my shoulders as ear muffs because they are so tense, but much better than the knife in the back situation on Saturday and Monday.

So that was my weekend in a nutshell. Bet ya can't top that.

* The two houses for which I have the plans (blueprints...are they called this anymore?) for if Victor and I ever decide to build an A-frame in our spare time on our Never Never Land fantasy island.

** did you know that "Crackalackin'" means "How are you doing?" in urban dialect? Did you also know that "ballin'" means someone who has money? Do you like my nerdy tone while writing this? I have a couple of friends who are in their mid twenties and actually use these terms. Who knew?

Things are good

My melancholy mood has lifted and I'm feeling super good lately. I think it's for these reasons:

• I've been able to do a bit of shopping and it feels so good to put on my new clothes (that fit me properly)
• The daycare drop-off has become easier - Bella no longer cries nor does she feel the need to carry around her blanket (which all the other kids, including her, were tripping over)
• Work has been smooth. Despite some stressful days last week, it's been pretty stellar. Work life balance, check!
• Victor's making pork and clams, my favourite out of his repertoire of recipes
• My boobs are getting a little smaller (boob shrinkage is a good thing in Linda-land)
• Snowy days
• My mom for rushing in to help whenever I need it

That's about it for now. In other news, I thought I saw Justin Bieber on the bus today but realized he's probably not ever going to ride the Victoria bus, and then realized further that all 12 year old boys now look like Justin Bieber.

Crazy Cat Lady

Hi, me again. I'm feeling much better today. After being back at work today, I realized that work really isn't that stressful if you "just breathe" (with inhaler in hand). Friday was just an overwhelming day but I got a lot of work done in order to meet a deadline...with all the robot-like work out of the way (Friday's to do list), I was able to get quite a bit of writing done today and felt good about it. I feel like I'm approaching my job with fresh eyes and my writing is less stale than it used to be...I feel a little more jazzy (*jazz hands* to no one in particular). And who knows, I may get edited down to stale city but at least I tried to liven things up!

--------------------------------------------------

So the at home life is lively as usual...meet my crazy cat lady in the making:

No matter where Lola is hiding, Bella will find her and fall head first into her. The reason? Because Lola will lick her head and pat it lightly. See below for the crazy pair:

I can't get enough of it. Check out that little tongue!

And for the first time in my life, I'm prepared over a month in advance for a holiday (vs. the day before). We bought a cute little Charlie Brown Christmas tree (a little bigger than our hand-sized tree that I put up and decorate every year) and Bella got to put on (and then quickly take off) the first few ornaments.



Discoball on.



Discoball off. It went on like this for the next half hour. And Lola joined in thank goodness, because we needed more ball offingness (not a word? well it should be).

That's it for news from the homefront.

Jerk Store

I feel like a total jerk for being so down on Remembrance Day in my last post. I think I just like to be a contrarian sometimes and Victor kept asking me why I didn't want to be "thankful" by watching boring war movies. And so I protested which resulted in my post.

Anyways, we were in Sechelt cleaning out my grandma's storage unit (visit #2), and at 11, decided to go to the Remembrance Day gathering downtown. It was a somber day and I felt the gratitude of the crowd. Amongst the gratitude, I was on crack for not being cognizant of the sacrifices made for our "freedom". Although sceptical of that word (hence the quotes), I totally get it.

I also had a not so good day at work yesterday. I felt completely lost in my work and didn't even take a lunch break - worked straight through 8.5 hours on maybe 5 hours sleep total. I was a complete mess to say the least and had a breakdown after work. A minor breakdown but a breakdown nonetheless. Thanks to Victor and my mom, I'm feeling much better now. The first three days of work went well and felt good actually, but that fourth day was a killer. And I've been told that it's going to take some adjustment and some breakdowns before I feel completely confident in the fact that I know what I'm doing (work-wise, and for that matter, mom-wise, wife-wise and friend-wise).

Sorry about the intense posts - I'm just going through a weird time right now!

How many Ferrero Rocher's can I eat in 10 minutes?

I guess since tomorrow is Remembrance Day, I should be doing things a little more retrospective than having a chocolate eating competition with myself. But I am and so there.

Victor keeps asking me to watch these war movies on tv to which I say "no thanks" very matter-of-factly. It's not that I don't respect what was done for us but I guess growing up with uber-liberal (meaning: communist), anti-war parents has, in the past, led me to non-chalantly shrug off Remembrance Day. I'm also a product of my apathetic generation. And I've never felt the realities of wartime.What we're experiencing in Iraq and Afghanistan just seems so far removed from my life.

But really, as the years have passed, and my opinions have matured, I think I've come to realize that we without question owe a lot to our soldiers. Some may go to war to unleash their violent tendencies, whereas there are those who fight for altruistic reasons. It's the altruism and that unbelievable loss of life that I want to remember.

Can you believe that the death toll in Iraq is 107,235 (according to Wikipedia)? I think I'll put down my Ferrero Rocher's and take a minute to remember tomorrow. Maybe that'll appease Victor as well, as he's now put on "The Mexican" (gag) because I won't watch any war movies.

Work Live Play

Or should I say "Live Work Play"? I think the emphasis should sit on the work as that is where my emphasis is right now.

My mat leave is over and I will no longer be a SAHM. Back to office coffee and uncomfie shoes, water coolers and photocopiers. Oh and back to 8 hours of staring at a screen instead of my beautiful baby's face. But I must see the positive. I am going back to a job where I know I am valued.


I really wish I was going back to a job where Dwight works.

I recently applied for a job with another company (cue the shock!) and was offered quite a bit more money than I was currently making. And so...counter-offers ensued and I am back at my old job. My reasons for looking elsewhere were two-fold: money and time. I now have additional expenses (baby boots), therefore money is a big issue for me. It feels good to be valued monetarily...because no matter how many pats on the back or "good jobs" you get at work, being handed a few thousand more on your paycheque always feels a million times better.

I love my work environment, and love my co-workers (shout-out to Rawbean even though you're on a completely different floor) so applying for this new job had nothing to do with that. I applied for this other job because I didn't think I could ask for a raise after coming off of maternity leave. And apparently I was wrong. And simply put, I hadn't had a raise in over 2.5 years. That's a long time considering inflation. I mean, 2.5 years ago, I used to be able to buy a loaf of bread for $2.50 and now it's 5 FREAKIN dollars!

BUT...there's a big but here. At this new job, I was offered a slightly more flexible schedule (9am - 4pm!) with overtime to be done at home after hours when possible. So even though I took the counter-offer by my current company, I still feel like kicking myself in the shins for not negotiating a more flexible work schedule. Because time is precious...even more precious now. I can't afford to come home at 9pm meanwhile having to be at work at 7:30am the next day. I made mention of this during the negotiations but nothing concrete was presented to me. So I hope with all my might that it works out in the end and that my work life becomes much more balanced than it was before I went on mat leave. At least for the next year or two when I put my new "life plan" into action.

..............................................................................................

On a completely unrelated note, Victor and I are tasked with the job of cleaning out my grandma's storage unit on the Sunshine Coast. We spent a good part of Thursday rifling through boxes and unwrapping knik knaks that we had wrapped up only 3 years ago. As a writer, I knew that the only thing of value in those boxes (to me at least) was my grandma's writing. Letters, manuscripts, poems etc. now litter my living room. I just spent a few hours reading through old letters between my grandma and grandpa where my grandpa disguised himself as "G. Gray Hill". The two of them were so playful and total oddballs. The closing sentence on a large part of the letters was "So remember the motto and don't be a..." with a badly drawn picture of a sheep following. They really were in love even though they weren't together anymore. It makes me want to do something grand with these letters.

Here is a snippet from a letter written in January 1966, addressed to "Tubby":

Have you got your wedding ring fixed yet? That ring has a very sad-story well-suited to you. In a direct connection here, is the tale of a shrivelled turkey, which emerged from the oven no larger than a sparrow! This farcical exaggeration is known as one of "Gray's Specials" but it does make a nice conversation piece. The ring once belonged to a friend of mine. Now it belongs to another.

Believe it or not, I still love you, Tubby, a bit.

Signed,
G. Gray Hill

Anyways, I better get off to bedland (not before turning all the clocks back an hour...hint hint).

Sentimental Montage Alert

This may be super corny but truthfully, it brought tears to my eyes (and yes I put it together):

Warning: this may only be of interest to Bella's close personal entourage.

Have a party!

Somebody's 1 today!

Yep, that's me!

The coolest chick in town turned one on October 31st. We had a major blast (despite the mad rush to decorate, and cook and make sure everything was just so...sidenote: it wasn't).

We decided to dress up with a theme...we decided on "good and evil". Bella being the angel that she is was "good" and did so super cutely:

I was a a big bad devil and Victor, the mediator: a priest. It was good times - we had a gorilla, a monkey, a prisoner, a cop, ironman, spiderman, shrek, a cowboy, a vampire, two hippies, a punk rocker, a knight and a pumpkin. Food was in abundance, and pinatas were a rockin'.

Oh - someone doesn't look too happy.

We played pin the tail on the cat, tried out some pumpkin decorating (which no one was into), pinata smashing (which started out innocently enough with a plastic stick and ended with a metal cane) and a trophy award for the adults who actually had the cajones to dress up.

The pinata fallout.



Cake time!

Funky monkey cake by Tia Susieta! 

It's not a birthday without a little cake poke by cousin Jaiden.

Cake in the face, a family tradition.

Uhhh B, you have a little something on your nose.

The beginning of the awkward public present opening. This went on for 45 minutes and I probably said "cute" and "pretty" about a gazillion times.

The birthday girl with the most interesting gift. A simple birthday card.



One Year

What does a year mean? According to Wikipedia, a year is is the orbital period of the Earth moving around the Sun. Over and above the sun and orbits and stuff, a year has a pivotal impact to the grand scheme of our lives. In one year, so much can happen and sometimes it seems like things have stayed the same but in reality, and according to Buddha if you happen to follow him, we change day by day. And 365 days of change equates to a heckofalot of change. I recently re-read emails that I sent over 5 years ago and felt like I was reading someone else's email. Weird how even a short spell of our lives can result in a different voice even.

My point to all this philosophizing...well, my point is this: I feel completely different after this last year. My life has changed twenty-thousand fold. I'm actually not in a super good mood lately and feel as though my life has taken a turn away from who I truly am. I mean, I could argue that who I truly am is not a constant. I am variable (according to that wise old Buddha fella). But it's a serious feeling not to be ignored. I've heard from other mom's that maternity leave and having a child does that to you but I never thought it would happen to me.

As I run errands lately, I see 20 somethings prancing around in their skinny jeans and boots, with the new legwarmers that I had no idea was a new thing. The beautiful hair and make-up. And I wonder, when did I become the sweats and runners, frizzy hair headband wearing mom? Well, last year to be exact.

This brings me to the point of my disconcern. I've spent a great deal of time this past year looking after the centre of my life. The centre of my life with the name Bella who is turning one in two days (go Bella! It's your birthday! Have a party!). Throughout this past year, I've gone from putting "Me" first to putting me in the backseat. And it's been a constant struggle, sort of a battle of "shotgun" with myself.

Having a child who is slightly amazing, or grossly amazing, has made me feel more with my heart. Has made me take pleasure in the little things in life and not get so wrapped up in "what to wear, what to eat, what to say". I'm just being. And unfortunately, that is not who I am. I am a "wear the right clothes, eat the right food, say the right thing" kind of person (or at least I think of myself that way). Unfortunately, this equates to "wear whatever (food stains? who cares!), eat whatever, say whatever" which in essence means "do not take care of yourself".

I've become a mom who dresses her daughter to the nines and then wears "whatever". And for the most part, it hasn't bothered me until lately. Because I've seen those moms, in the skinny jeans and boots...and leg warmers even! With the kids dressed to the nines. And I say to myself, if they can do it, so can I. It's just a matter of committing myself and making time for me.

This post was originally supposed to be about Bella but I've been in this horrible mood lately so had to let out a little of the dialogue in my head...blog therapy I guess. It feels good to let it out on the page before you.

..........................

In other news, Bella is turning ONE tomorrow! It feels like just yesterday she was the size of a peanut, nestled in the crook of my arm. And now she's grown not only in size but in mind...she's a smart cookie who is already fighting for her independence from me. I can imagine how she'll be at 15.

Go away mom!

I've spent the last few days getting ready for her party...and now it's a cooking fiesta in our house, as we make a feast for her entourage. We can't wait to dress up in our halloween costumes and get down to the Monster Mash and Purple People Eater. Oh and I found Fresh Princes "Nightmare on My Street", which will be one of my favourites to shake this bootie to.

I've made a handful of "pet ghosts" for the bigger kids to carry around at the party. Should be fun times with all the cheesetastic decorations and truckloads of candy to hyper up the kidlets!

Stay tuned for an update on her birthday!

I think Ikea is mocking us

It just occurred to me that the armoir we recently bought at Ikea is called the Dombas.

The beauty of the name is that during assembly, we (meaning Victor) felt just like the name of the damn thing.

The assembly went something like this:

Victor: "I think I put this together wrong." *hammer hammer hammer*

Linda: "Did you read the instructions?"

Victor: "You mean these?" *see example below

Linda: "Oh...I see."

Victor: "Let me try pulling the nails out." *snap crackle and pop*

Victor: "Uh....do you mind the doors being on backwards?"

Linda: "Sounds good to me."

NB: If you decide to purchase and put this massive beast together, please don't be a Dombas and call Ikea before assembly to avoid a backwards armoir.

Show and Tell

Our computer screen is now fixed and I feel like a kid in a candy store. It's so nice to be able to use the internet without wanting to rip my hair out...and to look over photos and videos that I've taken in the last couple of months.

So let's go back in time, shall we?

September 9, 2010 (sidenote: Happy Birthday Griffin!)
One of Bella's first words...besides mama/dada/pepe/agua:

October 18,  2010

It took us 9 days after she started walking to capture a picture. I have videos but they are long and most of them feature me singing which I won't subject you to.

October 21, 2010

And here she is looking like a catalogue model...just near missing that chic hands-in-the-pockets look.

October 25, 2010

Here finally, is a picture of Bella waiting for the claw to come down so she can pet (or lightly smack as I call it) the cat.

And that's all folks...this uploading pictures business is way too time consuming.

All you need is trust...and a little bit of pixie dust... - Peter Pan

My grandma, Diana (Pixie) Mary Daly passed away peacefully today at 10pm. I know I should be an adult and accept that life has to end someday. I mean, she was 93 years old and has lived a full life, however, I just feel as though there was so much left unsaid, you know?

I keep replaying the last time we saw each other before she got sick. And I wish more than anything that I stayed with her for longer. That we could have had a long talk about the past, my memories of her and her thoughts on death.

If someone passes and you leave things unsaid (i.e. grandma, you're an amazing woman....you were like a mom to me when I went through tough times with my mom...your independent life has made such an impact/impression on my life...I wish I had your strength), then you feel deep regret. I mean, at her bedside, while she lay there looking so peaceful, I told her how much I loved her and that she will always be in my heart, and then cried buckets after getting the words out. But I didn't say the things that I should have said.

So all this preamble to say this: I will take the opportunity here to say the things left unsaid.

Dear Grandma,

I know you hate all the mushy stuff and would probably get annoyed at what I'm about to say, but I feel like it needs to be said in remembrance of you. Who you are...and who you were.

My earliest memory of you is at Christmas...probably 1983. I was five years old and playing Hungry Hippos with my brother on the floor. You sat on our light brown patent leather couch knitting and telling my brother to 'play fairly' as he continued to smash my hippo with his fist. I remember getting mad and going to sit in your lap as you knit something...probably for me. Your perfume was floral, and you always reminded me of royalty for some reason. You were regal in a way, although completely unintentionally.

As I grew older, and visited your place many times, I remember eating right from your garden. We would walk through the garden chatting and you would reach out and snap off something green and get me to try it. As a child it was snow peas, as a 20-something year old, it was kale. Both crunchy, one sweet, the other one earthy. My love of vegetables stems from those memories.

I remember you kept Count Chocula cereal in a cupboard for my brother who loved the sugary sweet stuff at the break of dawn. I always asked for toast, and to this day, the smell of toast reminds me of sitting in your eat-in kitchen with homemade bread, jam and butter not margarine. The newspaper was always spread out on the table waiting to be read.

I remember you always tried to find a friend for me to play with when I went to stay with you as you thought I would get bored 'hanging out with the old folks'. Awkwardly, I would play with someones granddaughter who's grandma had the very same idea as you.

I remember coming to see you in 2003-ish. I drove up in my Jetta (oh how I loved that Jetta...it was my first away trip with it) and spent a couple nights with you and Aunt Madeleine who was also up for a visit. Madeleine and I spent the days down at the beach tucked away in these massive smooth rocks, both immersed in books while lazily talking about boys and life. At night, we ate dinner and all had enough wine to make our faces rosey. You tried to convert us into Charlie Rose fans...but Grandma, I never really got that show but maybe I just didn't give it enough of a chance.

I remember the day that you took me around town introducing me to everyone as your 'grandaughter who is going to UBC studying politics'. Just politics thank you very much.

But the memory I will never forget is the last 'well' visit. I remember you, with sotto-voce as you always spoke due to that damn Parkinsons, announcing to everyone in the cafeteria that Bella was your 'great granddaughter'. No one could hear you so I repeated it for everyone feeling a bit shy. But you were so proud. Beaming in fact. I'm so glad that Bella got to meet you and vice versa. If only it were for a bit longer but there's a point where you need to let go.

Among many other things, you know what I wish we would have talked about that last visit? I wish you could have told me why everyone called you Pixie. Was it because you were mischievous as a child? A playful spirit? As you grew older, I believe your playfulness became wit, adventure and fierce independence. Much like a pixie.

And one last word before I go. For all those years and birthdays, and Christmases and Easters when I didn't send a thank you card. Thank you with the depth of my heart. You never forgot to send a card with little messages of what you were up to, alongside a gift. You always planned it well so that they arrived well before the actual celebration day...so my brother and I would itch in anticipation. And sorry grandma for not being as diligent with gift-giving and card writing. That is not my forte. I get so wrapped up in the day-to-day that I tend to forget the written thank you's. But please know that I am thankful for having you in my life. And hopefully as life goes on, you will be up there somewhere listening to my pleas, as well as gratitudes for what life holds for me and my family in the future.

It's been a time...

Hi there - it's been a while since I last updated you on happenings at casa loca. Well, where should I start. Our laptop screen cracked a few weeks ago so I haven't had any urge to post or surf for that matter as our emergency laptop has a five inch screen (no joke) which requires lots of scrolling...and we're having issues with scrolling especially since we can't use a mouse with a curious and demanding 11 month old and a 12 week old kitten (who simultaneously like to get tangled up in the wires).

I also now have allergy-induced asthma due to the kitten so we've bought a massive air purifier and I've taken to loads of allergy medication so I can keep the nasty symptoms at bay. Crazy? Totally. But Lola has grown on me...and she and Bella have become best of friends (what's a few scratches between friends?). Oh and also, the cat keeps the mice away which was one of the reasons we got her as our building (unbeknownst to us when we got the place) has mice that are resilient to traps (the humane kind!).

Oh and also, my grandma has been ill and I've taken the ferry over to the Sunshine Coast twice in the past few days (and will most likely go back again tomorrow) to see her. The outlook is not good and unfortunately she has no capacity to speak or even keep her eyes open. Yet I know she can hear me because when I tell her stories, she responds in subtle ways. And at one point, Bella kept waving to her and saying "HI" over and over and I swear I heard my grandma say Hi through the respirator.

And now on a positive note, Bella has started walking! She took her first steps on October 9th (Thanksgiving weekend) and is now a walking machine. At her grandparents place, she just up and decided to walk from a living room chair over to me, on the sofa. Then, as I tried to keep her busy with my keys at one point during the evening, she walked straight to the front door (I'm talking major steps here) and pretended to unlock the door with the keys. She's a freakin' genius child!  How do they connect objects to actions like that? Only a few months ago, she was a drooling, rolling mess! (and I mean that in the best possible way ofcourse).

And I'm dying to post pictures and videos and witness testimony of her walking (like I'm sure all proud blogger parents do) however, this pseudo computer that I'm using doesn't allow me to. So it'll have to wait until our lovely cracked laptop is fixed and functioning...oh and I'll definitely post pictures of Bella and Lola getting into some monkey business. They're always up to something those two!

What's-his-name?

I lay here hoping that the guy cutting the grass across the street stops and that any jerk who honks on the street nearby thinks that maybe, just maybe, a baby might be trying to nap somewhere. But no beans. It's a sunny day and people forget that baby's are trying to sleep the world around. That's probably the last thing you're thinking when you reach for that horn.

It was a funny sort of day today. A day where we went to get coffee at our usual place (however we haven't been in eons), and Bill, the barista says "what's the babies name again?" and I replied "Bella" and he said "oh Stella! A beautiful name". And I corrected him..."no, it's Bella". And he continued to call her Stella. And then called me Lydia.

Then we went and picked up the newest addition to our family. We decided to get a cat. Yes. Me...a dog person. With a cat. She's a kitten actually and I have to say, she's pretty darned cute. We named her Lola as it's probably the easiest name for Bella to say. Right now, she's napping despite the grass cutting and honking and general douchebag-type noise outside. She ignores the sounds of the hour while Bella hears them and thinks it's time to play or jump up and down in her crib while she yells "mamamamamamamama" over and over. It's going to be one of those days where her second nap is tried and tested but not completed.

Back to the kitten. It seems that I'm going to have to be super vigilant around these two when they're together. Bella has already taken to picking the cat up by the ear, or leg or tail and I have to rush over and say "NO" to a baby who is still learning the concept. It's going to be fun times all around.

you've been skunked!

Last night, as Victor and I played our trillionth game of Uno (Victor's newest obsession), the stankiest stink wafted, no...thundered into our apartment. It went from skunk?, to SKUNK in no seconds flat. And it just kept getting worse. We didn't know the protocol...close the windows and hotbox? Or keep the windows open and use fans to ventilate? We tried the close windows option and almost died of skunkification. So an hour later, I thought all was safe and tried the ventilation trick.

You want to know what I woke up to this morning? A huge mouthful of SKUNK. That means the smell stayed in our apartment overnight (OR I had really bad breath that even I could smell). So I wonder, even if we're two stories up, could the skunk have climbed up the building and aimed his butt directly at our apartment? Could it be? And if so, will I, unbeknownst to me, smell like skunk to the outside world today? We'll soon find out as I have to run some errands. If I notice scrunched up faces and dirty looks, I'll know the answer.

These are the days of our lives

I don't think there has ever been a time in my life where time has slipped through my fingers as quickly as it is now. I ache for the day to feel long, to feel as though it's never going to end. It's a funny thing to wish for as I know if I was feeling it, I'd be wishing I wasn't.

My days spent with the ladybug are full of ROFL (rolling on floor laughing...I can't believe I just acronymed that). Days at the park on the swing, waiting for the loud "YAY" scream that comes every few minutes from the little bundle in my arms. The days at home where Bella will sneak up on me and bite me in the knee and laugh hysterically (while I think, "I should be mad" but rather laugh instead because it's pretty funny). Answering the phone to hear a "haaaallla?" really loudly somewhere in the room (with hand to ear, pretending to be on the phone as well). The quiet time spent looking at pictures of family and friends. The early mornings where we lay in bed together, sometimes quietly cuddling or practicing new words like this mornings "doggy"...or "doddy" according to the queen B.

These moments are like sands through an hourglass (another little soapopera reference there for ya). I know soon I'll wake up and Bella will be 15 and wanting to spend weekends with friends instead of us. So I enjoy it and try my best to make the day long. To live in the moment instead of worrying about the soon to be 10 hours away from home each and every day of the week. It makes me tear up as I write this but it's a damn fact of life. I'm gonna miss seeing this face for those 10 hours a day.

Well, that was sad. Pretty gloomy for a sunny day like today. So in short, I'll make the best out of our last month together. And absence makes the heart grow fonder, right? I'll spend my days lost in work and come home shouldering off stress to a warm hug from my little banana bean.

Beyonce bootay!

I'm on a mission to get slim and trim...stop the lazy couch potato madness! I've been feeling less and less motivated to get out and exercise and have instead been spending a lot of time indoors cooking, eating, playing and being lazy. It's been a blast but it's time to get back to my old self. I think I've probably said this before on this blog but this time...this time I'm 1000% serious. And hey, I need to shape up so I can wear my old work clothes and feel comfortable. Right now, I feel more or less like a stuffed sausage in them.

To kick-off this mission, I enrolled in a stroller fit class. That way, Bella (yes, Bella again...I gave up the Felicia battle) can mingle with some little babes and I can work off this jiggle in the jungle and defy gravity on some of my favourite body parts (ahem...my ass).

I'm also going to walk down to Commercial Drive today to meet a couple of old friends for lunch. So that's enough of being homebound sisters!

Baby talk and halloween dilemmas

This little banana boat bellini is now saying new words left right and centre. She's at a rate of two words per day. Yesterday, she pointed at a picture of a baby and said "BayBee!"...then, while I was cleaning her little bum and explaining to her what I was doing, she said "diaper"...more like "DiePa" but close enough. And today "duck" and "hola!".

And so we've been scoping out halloween costumes lately. We trekked over to Value Village yesterday as they have a massive halloween section (unused costumes thank you very much)...and I decided I wanted to be a banana for Halloween. And Victor said "that's fitting".

Then we realized we should stay within a theme. We started out looking for Flintstone costumes (bam-bam...too cute!). Yet the Flintstones doesn't go with our haunted house theme...but it's wrong to dress your baby up in a scary costume isn't it? Like bride of Chucky? A witch? The button is a halloween baby so we have to be original here. And she has to be spectacularly cute. Maybe we should all be killer bumblebees?

We'll figure it out after checking out Dressew, the ultimate in Halloween (and nasty cashiers...am I right?). Although, I'm stilling dreaming about that darn banana costume.

Change is a good thing

No, by change I don't mean I went and cut my hair (I'm still mulling)...

I decided the blog needed a facelift...I had seen this "New Template Designer" icon peeking out at me for a while now but just bypassed it thinking it would be cooler to wait a bit...cause I'm cool like that :)

bad hair day #2000

It's decided. My hair is bipolar. It's a mash-up of curly roots and straight ends...the opposite of what is normal as most people's hair curls at the bottom but is straight at the roots. Here's a pic of the offending hair:


Excuse the rookie PhotoShop skills but mat leave is my excuse.

So anyways, I think I might cut my hair. I spent almost four hours cleaning our place yesterday and guess what I found this morning after all that cleaning? My hair EVERYWHERE. No joke, I had cleaned to the point where our floor was spotless...then an hour later, a ton of my hair found itself back on the floor. So I need to chop this shag off.

I found this when I googled "short curly hairstyles 2010":


This chica does not have curly hair. It's curled. I like it (a lot) but I need to focus and find a hair do for natural curly hair. The hairstyle above would require ironing and curling and teasing and let's face it, crying because I'd be so annoyed with all the work involved. I need to just face the facts that this is what my hair looks like short:


And maybe, just maybe I can tame and texturize it to look a bit more like this (minus the supermodelness about it):

Let's see if I take the plunge in the next few days...it's a scary thought...

stuck on a feeling

Isn't it hard to get motivated when it's raining...and you're lazy? I want to clean our place yet I sit here talking about it instead of doing it.

I spent my night holding Felicia in my arms because she has a runny nose and can't breathe when she's laying down. It was a bit much but it was the only thing that got her to sleep...so I have good reason to be lazy today. Especially with this kink in my neck.

Has anybody else noticed how this blog is starting to sound like a "Dear Diary"? I have. I hope you don't mind.

So in one of my last posts, I mentioned that I plan on changing careers...and I've got the ball rolling on that. It feels good, to have a goal to work towards. But I'm still torn...do I want to spend truckloads of money on school and growing my business, or buy a bigger place of our own in 5 years? Do I want to be my own boss or have a nice home to come to? I think I just answered my own question. Being my own boss and waiting a few more years for a home of our own is much more appealing than continuing to work on someone else's inflexible schedule.

On a related note, I just found out that my dad applied to do his M.Sc. at UBC. At 65! I beamed with pride and thought to myself, if he can do it, so can I! Then I was crushed to find out that he wasn't accepted. He spoke to the admitting prof and was told that they couldn't rightfully give a Master's spot to someone his age...when a younger person who would like to begin their career would lose out. And then he was told that he could sit in in classes if he likes. Big bummer. It really made me think that I better get my education over and done with before it's too late.

10 months of Bellita Felicita Chiquita Being Crazy Adorable

It just seems that I can't get it together to post regularly. Yet I constantly commit to myself to make a commitment to post. Whew, that's a lot of commitment in one sentence.

So, from now on, I will commit(!) to post everyday no matter what, even if all I've done is picked my nose*. Therefore, brace yourself for some pretty boring posts in the near future...

And now for an update on the miniature supermodel:


She is only 10 months and has developed the most awesomest personality that I have ever encountered (ofcourse, I'm biased). If I were to guess what she'll be when she grows up, I would have to say she'll be an entertainer.

She loves to make people laugh with these ridiculous funny faces and just looooves attention from strangers. Whenever I'm waiting in a line-up, no matter where I am, she'll sing out really loudly so the person in front of me will turn around...then she'll wave hello with a big smile on her face, like "look at me, I'm cute". She's also onto her first words other than mama/dada. She now says "pepe" for bottle and "agua" for water. Yep that's spanish...smart cookie is she not?

And now onto not so great, really candid, news. I've been taking the pill for the first time ever and have been up and down like a rodeo clown**...like emotionally I mean. So the pill is no longer and onto a search for birth control that leaves me as me with no hormonal imbalances that make me want to punch my husband in the face***.

* yes, that's a metaphor...I don't actually pick my nose.
** yes, that's a hyperbole. Score two for figurative language and grade 8 English.
*** Figuratively ofcourse! And can you tell I'm hormonal? I don't normally say such things!

Lemon yellow sun

At last, a place of our own. We moved back into Vancouver and are living solo...as a family of three instead of a family of a thousand and one. And it feels good...damn good!

Don't get me wrong, I love having family around...but at arms length...weekly visits, not daily, hourly.

And so we've painted our place yellow, "Celestial Sun" reads our paint swatch. It's bright and kind of country. It works well with our furniture which is mostly dark brown...kind of poo and pee-ish now that I think about it but that's because I'm juvenile like that.

I'm due for a monthly (or at the rate I'm going, quarterly) update of my little pork dumpling so I'll get on that asap...because she's truly amazing and getting more and more amazing every day. I mean, she's this amazing: she leans in for kisses now, like smoochy kisses not just pecks and I can't get enough of them. She gives me big wet smooches on my cheek when I'm not looking or when I'm preoccupied. It's killer cute.

And one more thing before I go, I've been back at my old job for a week...just to get my feet wet and test the waters of what it'll be like when I go back full-time in November. And I can't get over the strangeness of the work day. We get out of bed, get dressed up and put make-up on to sit at a desk for 8 hours, then rush home to eat, go to bed and repeat. I guess being off work has really put things in perspective for me. I think I work better on my own schedule. I was at my desk today with a pile of documents on my desk to review and I couldn't focus. If I was at home, I could've gone to the gym during that time and starting working later on when I felt a little more focused. So because of this, I've been talking to Victor about possibly going back to school part-time...take a different turn in my future because the work life that I was so enmeshed in before my mat leave is no longer appealing to me. And I need to work towards a better life...so we'll see what the future holds.

Alright, it's peace out time so night night y'all!

ramblin' on

You know what sucks? A slow internet connection, that's what. It's been a few weeks now and I now look at my computer in disgust. I've tried everything short of shaking the damn thing. Hence, the lack of posting in the last couple of weeks. We're just waiting for Victor's younger brother to come over and work his magic on our laptop...and this may take weeks...months.

You know what doesn't suck? The fact that I've been spending all my time outside in this crazy fantastic weather! I've been hiking and biking and beach blanketing...been running and sunning and it's been pretty rad if I do say so myself.

But you know what sucks again? In my attempt to save money, I haven't had a pedicure in ages. I have raggedy feet (which I tried pedicuring myself but no talent in that department). And flip flops are not made for raggedy feet. I think I'm due for a feet treat and will splurge on these dogs in the near future. They deserve it with all this summer action. Feet are amazing aren't they? How much work they do for us with little to no thanks? So THANK YOU feet, I'm booking you a pedicure pronto.

So any other news in my land? Well, I've been doing this Jillian Michaels circuit workout...not the 30 day shred but same concept. And I tell ya, it feels like it's chiselling my body to new proportions. I actually wore a pair of short shorts (note: NOT BOOTY SHORTS) today and didn't feel all post-pregnancy jiggly.

Oh and reason number 1000 why I love summer? Bowls full of juicy cherries for dessert.

And that there is the end of this completely random ramble.

movin' on up!

My computer has been on the fritz and it takes a day and half to load up any page. What fun this makes checking out my favourite sites. So what I've been doing instead is planning a move back into Vancouver. Yep. That lasted all of three months.

An opportunity to move back into town presented itself and I took it in a flash. It's a bit difficult living with in-laws. The older brother/younger brother dynamic is getting to us. Victor, being the younger (middle) brother, has and always will be the "nice" guy. And anything his brother tells him to do, he'll do. And so it's been a bit of a headache to see him leave the house to go to Canadian Tire when he's supposed to be washing the dishes or {insert chore here}. It's not just that, there are other issues...and we are just gloriously happy to have privacy again. To have a bit more of a barrier than a knock at an unlocked door.

And so, after that bit of candor, we'll soon be back to our old hood...plus a few thousand blocks...but at least we'll be in Vancouver. And back to condo living but heck, we sometimes have to sacrifice for urban living.

7 month update

I'm so in love with my little girl that sometimes I watch her in awe...she amazes me each and every day and does things that just seem well beyond her years.

She's already crawling and STANDING. I've had a talk with her about growing up too fast but she's rebelling nonetheless. Here are a few other things that she's doing that melt my heart and leave me breathless:

• When I pick her up from her crib, she rests her head in the crook of my neck, curls up in a little ball and sighs.


• She does downward facing dog randomly while crawling around the floor. Just for fun sake.


• When I say "beep beep?", she crawls over to her toy car and pushes the horn.


• After waking up and hugging it out, we walk over to the front door and look outside to check the weather. She always waves hello to the world, like "Hi world, I'm awake!".


• She gives me the stink eye when she doesn't want to eat anymore.


• She sings to me when all is quiet in the house.


• Whenever she hears someone else sing "ABCD", she stops whatever she's doing and looks concerned...like "why is that person singing mommy's song?".

And this is neither here nor there but remember Soleil Moon-Frye? aka Punky Brewster? Well, I've updated her look to this:

d day

Today is father's day and because Victor is not my father, I didn't get him anything. Well, I may have bought him a bag of pistachios and made him a coupon for a homemade pedicure (clause: no stinky feet!). I know, I'm a cheapskate.

Felicia went all out. She got him a wonderful card and gruellingly spent time addressing the card to her favourite dad in the world.


Then, she got him a really nice aftershave and a tub of candy tarantulas (yuck). Oh and while shopping, she decided to get herself something, a radio that plays mozart/chopin/bach. I questioned her on the purchase but she protested (loudly) in the store.

And so we wait to spend time with our own papas. We're going all out fat pants city and having a buffet brunch (with seafood no less!) for my father-in-law. Then chilling with my dad in Vancouver...perhaps at the father's day celebration at Granville Island. Should be buckets o' fun.

Nothing too interesting to post so I'll leave it at that. OH but I can't forget an update on the World Cup.


(With all these 4:30am games, I'm a little delirious so excuse my obsession with shirtless men...or shirtless Ronaldo's).

So it seems that there are a lot of boring games happening in this world cup. I have no idea how many games have resulted in a tie. Complete snore show. I wish soccer could be a blend between hockey and soccer. A few fights here and there might make it a little more interesting. Kind of like the Holland/Portugal game back in 2006. That was a headbutting/tumbling/cussing mess but kept me on the edge of my seat.

And so, the most interesting thing about this world cup? I found out that Cristiano Ronaldo may be...perhaps...I-just-don't-get-it...dating Kim Kardashian. Well, score one for curvy women but Kim Kardashian?

miss no manners

Lately, I've been concerned about my manners. I mean, now that I'm in charge of teaching manners to chiquita, then I have to know my shit.

In particular, I think my table manners suck. It all begins with fork and knife usage. I have forever been perplexed by the right hand/left hand knife/fork switch. I mean, I was taught to eat this way growing up but it never felt comfortable to me. I eat with the fork in the right hand and knife in the left hand for the entire meal. I remember my dad saying to me "what if you're invited to eat with the Queen one day?". And I thought "phhhhhhhhhht" (hand fart) to that. And according to Wikipedia, the British don't do the switch (yet they eat with the fork in the left and knife in the right for their entire meal!).

Is it me or does the switch seem like a waste of time? I like to eat my meal with no interruptions and a utensil switch just seems completely unneccessary. Yet, I've never encountered anyone that agrees with me. And I try. I really do. When we go to fancy restaurants, I awkwardly do the switch...always feeling like a fake.

Next to the annoying utensil switch is the elbow rule. No elbows on the table...yet forearms are ok. How the heck can you have a relaxed conversation with someone at the dinner table with your forearms on the table? Maybe it's my long and heavy monkey arms that make this uncomfortable but seriously, forearms?

I guess these are minor etiquette infractions and probably go unnoticed but I'm just wondering if there is anyone out there who pay attention to these types of things?

boot obsessed

Some would say that I'm a boot fanatic. I have all types of boots: long ones, short ones, high ones, flat ones, slipper boots, black boots, brown boots, blue boots, grey boots. The list goes on. Now, do you think it's wrong to impart my obsession on the little chachita? I hope not because I just bought these ridiculously cute boots for her:


Gretel Boots by JoyFolie

And these:


Mona Boots by JoyFolie

And I plan on ordering this crazy chic ruffled jacket:


Blthe Ruffled Jacket by JoyFolie

She'll be the best dressed kitten on the block!

baby reunion

After over 7 months, we reunited with our pre-natal class friends to show off our babies. And it was a serious cute-a-palooza.



Felicia was the oldest out of the group. After spending a half hour with the other kids, she decided that she didn't particularly like it when one of the babes would loudly yell "wasssssup!" (or what sounded like it). The "wassup" baby was a super cute banana, at 21 lbs. and just 5 days younger than Feli, he was a solid kid who was pretty vocal. Chubby babies sure are cute.

Aria, Feli's good friend was also there and they were equally annoyed by the constant "wassup". Instead, they preferred to hang out on the floor together after taking the party "back to my place":


It's pretty evident that Feli is already pretty choosy in the company she keeps. Too loud? Forget you. Share toys (meaning: dirty old cup) with me? Love you.

And so, the reunion day (June 6th) was the first day that monkey started waving "hi" to people. I had been practicing with her for a few days and she finally decided to try it out on people at the reunion. I was beaming.

Here she is practicing the wave:



Oh and just one more mom thing -- she is now saying "Mama". She first said it two weeks ago, while my mom tried to feed her and she protested, lifted her arms up and looked directly at me and said "mama!". And now she can't get enough of it. I think my heart skips a beat every time she says it. Which is all day...I wonder how I get anything done around here?

crazytown

For those of you who don't know me in real life, my older brother is institutionalized. Yes, like in the crazy house. Yeah, it's sad and whatever, but my family has been living with it for over 15 years now so it's kind of just eh. Life happens, we deal with it.

Today was visiting day. And I have to say, it's always good times. I went up to the fourth floor and thank gawd, did not have to share the elevator with anyone. I was able to walk right into his ward without having to be buzzed in which was a pleasant surprise. Once in, I was able to spot him from a mile away. Backpack on, talking on the phone. More than likely calling me to make sure I was coming. When he saw me, he walked over and said "it looks like you're wearing a wig"...I had flat ironed my hair which he doesn't ever approve of. Then, as usual, he had a list of things for me to buy for him. A burger, chips, socks. He didn't want me to stay and told me to leave, in fact. I left with my list in hand and a promise to return next week not empty handed. Funny...he never beats around the bush and always says what he thinks.

As I left the ward, a lady walked up to me and said "nice jacket". And then as I walked out to my car, a guy sitting out on the lawn surrounded by fellow patients on a smoke pass, yelled out "Hey....you're good lookin'!". I couldn't help but smile. I laughed out loud actually. Imagine having no filter, no barrier to what you're thinking. Nothing stopping you from blurting out your thoughts. Imagine that this is exactly the difference between the mentally ill and the rest of us. I'm fully aware that there's much more to it than that but on the surface, it seems as though honesty is an indication of insanity. Wow...can I get any deeper than that?

I can. I avoid taking my brother out places because of his candor. He will tell you you're fat, too skinny, ugly, have bad hair. He'll tell you to leave if he thinks the conversation is boring. He's even been known to shout out racial slurs. It's hard to handle, this extreme honesty. Even I can't take it because in the world that I live in, honesty has its place. In his world, it's the only thing he knows. And I wonder where it came from? We were born of the same mother, raised by the same two parents with the same values and morals. We both went to peace marches as children, holding signs up written by our parents saying "US get out of Central America" or "social justice for the masses". We were both taught to say "please" and "thank you" and to use the right fork and knife. And now all of this is lost on him. He's in a world of his own where the barrier from brain to tongue is non-existent.

Yet, it's funny. Not the racial slurs ofcourse...but the outrageous things he says. He may frustrate me to no end, but when he pulls on my hair and says "take that wig off", I laugh. And when he blurts out "are you gay?" to Victor, I laugh. I just wonder how Felicia will handle him. Will she be better at dealing with him in the outside world? Will she find his ridiculous comments as funny as I do? I hope so. Because even though unintentional, he's a closet comedian. And he's my brother. And in typical brother/sister fashion, I love him and I hate him all at once.

we are the children

Once upon a time, I did a school project on BP oil. In front of my class, teaming with fellow left-leaning compadres, I represented the oil giant in a debate. I spent hours researching their environmental policy and their lobby for drilling and pumping oil through the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge. I even wore a hard hat for that "log it, mine it, pave it" effect.

As I read through company propaganda, I began to convert a little. A smidge. I thought "these guys may not be so bad". I guess in true essence of debate, I really started to believe my argument. Millions poured into protecting the environment, research backing their claims of drilling and pumping safely, bla bla bla di bla. I sang the corporate song of "we are the world, we are the children". I thought, we are an oil based world...better a company aware of their effect, and a devotion to cleaning up their act than the alternative. I was fully aware of biased research, of "all talk and no action". Yet, I still marvelled at the fact that they had such an air tight policy and company values that valued preservation and conservation.

And now this, a blunder, a catastrophy. And now it's all gone to pot. A cast iron pot. A skillet in fact. Yet, I sit here and hope. I hope that all those years invested in developing their enviro policy and all those environmental geniuses hired by the company can fix this. Tragic...the marine death. The ripple effect. And I hope it doesn't get any worse. For our sake, for their sake:


I know, I'm fully aware of the gratuitous image insert...but don't they look concerned for this good green earth in this pic? I thought so too.